GreenBottles

Its always the same thought I have, "A few beers couldnt hurt.." and then 10 days later, guilty about the lost money, starting to feel tired everywhere, I stop and promise myself this time I wont start again.

Been like that for too many years.....

Seems easy, and in my case I dont crave for a beer other than bad habits of needing to "unwind".

If someone starts getting on my nerves and I feel I have gone through all manners of patience and tolerance, I dont want confront the person, so I want to "unwind" in privacy. And often then while intoxicated I end up confronting the person......
too stupid!

Dee74

How do you think you can break the cycle Green Bottles?

D

GreenBottles

I really dont know. Either I wiill break it or it will break itself and me with it.

Maybe here, tomorrow I will reply Day 3.
Its never hard to get to day 5-10. Thats about how long I always last, apologising to people, myself, gaining trust back with those close to me, then slipping again.....


5-10 on, 5-10 off, over and over again.

Scott76

I thought you said cocaine fixed everything and was good for everyone in an earlier thread?

GreenBottles

Yeh and when I came down I didnt believe in that rubbish anymore.

Thepatman

Well your here, and waiting to change. That's good. Trick is like Dee said.

I think we sometimes need to make a huge chance in our life. I'm holding on since december 9, but holding on is not enough I think. So next step is something major for me. Not sure what yet but one thing for sure I need sober friends bad.

Good luck!

FreeOwl

that's right.... we can fool ourselves for quite a while thinking "well I'm hanging in there. I'm not drinking. So I'm sober".

Experiences that I've lived and seen and heard consistently show that unless we take action beyond just "not picking up" - we will again eventually. Even worse.

Green Bottles - your pattern is pretty strong and clear and your voice of despair is coming through without any hesitation. Please give AA a shot for a while. Keep coming back here. You don't have to live like that.

IOAA2

Hi. For various unknowledgeable reasons many close the door to AA. I did for awhile until the inner pain became so overwhelming and I had to surrender or die. Many years later there are things I encounter that I don't care for but they are not worth not going then face the possibility of an alcoholics death which is classified as one of the worst ways to go.
After stopping the recovery period begins which allows our lives to become much more comfortable, if we let it.

BE WELL

GreenBottles

There is sometimes I feel very alone after my girlfriend gives me cold shoulder. Then you know drink seems to solve it quickly, just take it away very quickly, that feeling of lonliness that builds into fear. And then being drunk too often only ensures your sense of lonliness will grow....can fall very fast that way.

Will see how I feel in 20 days, hopefully stronger and more positive.

least

I hope you can find a way to stop drinking for good. Drinking will only bring you to a bad end.

GreenBottles

Ok Day 3 finished. Going for walk along the beach, been more productive, clearer headed, calmer, more organised, less stressed, and more positive. Just annoyed and nervous only about the money I wasted on a 10 day drinking binge.
The only reason right now my finances are at risk is because of the 10 day drinking binge.....

FreeOwl

well one thing is absolutely certain; drinking again will NOT fix your finances.



It takes time and sometimes a painful process to recover our LIVES when we choose sobriety. Most often, all of us have created a financial mess for ourselves. But that, too, gets better in time as we focus on facing our life, cleaning up those piles we've amassed for ourselves, and dealing with our responsibilities.

Not to mention; the money we save by not drinking goes a long way toward helping improve things financially.

Dee74

congrats on day 3 GB

D

GreenBottles

Ok audible hallucinations have started again. I think that my neighbours are laughing about me although I rationally can figure that this is 1 in a million possible that they could even be bothered laughing about me.
Last time I quit I was starting to think they were laughing about me all the time so I fund a desperate solution was to listen to music with headphones non-stop, constantly and after about a week the hallucinations went away.

GreenBottles

hallucinations and anxiety/paranoia seem to play a larger act in more recent times of alcohol withdrawal. Its usually around 10 days I start feeling normal again with cognition coming back, memory, speed of problem solving etc...then start to feel too racey and want beer to relax.

justinJustQuit

Withdrawal always gets worse. When I started withdrawing at like noon, I knew I was way to screwed to do it without a doctor.

instant

Hope things improve for you soon GB.

Dee74

Hallucinations of any kind really require medical attention.
I hope you'll consider it GB.

D

GreenBottles

Maybe hallucinations is wrong word, but paranoia maybe like "too many people are looking at me, what is going on? Has something happened I dont know about?".
Whereas when I am drinking I dont care what anyone is doing or thinking

Anxiety attacks I think. But you know what, its better than depression. And also this time there is no itching in my withdrawal. The last 3 times before that had most insane body itching.

GreenBottles

Thanks for the support. I am trying, one day at a time. Its not addiction physically nor even that emotionally. Its just that if I do ONE I am going to do a 100. And each time i pull out of it I am older and more beaten up and its getting harder to get back on my feet physically after each binge.
Dont want to go there. I want to stay around longer than 38 years. Is young.
I want to see how powerful the mind is in recovery, neuroplasticity, get back to where I want to belong.