I don't even know where to start? (Long read)
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2
I don't even know where to start? (Long read)
I guess I should give you a bit of background history on myself..
I've always had an inclination towards drugs, ever since 15. Anything I could get my hands on, truly. As I have heard from some other opiate addicts, I always "romanticized" heroin and the heroin chic look.
When I was 16/17 I became addicted to Xanax. I got up to 6mg a day or so by the time I was 19 and decided I had to quit. I tapered myself off, somehow, over the course of a month. It took me about six months to start feeling "normal" again.. It was truly the worst thing I've ever been through. Especially when I went cold turkey for a few days.. However, after all of it, I did beat it..
Then I met the girl of my life, Haley. She changed everything. She was clean at that point for five years, after having a bout with triple C's and OD'ing in high school.
We broke up over some ******** (not drug related,) but got back together a few a months later. We never really stopped seeing each other during that period. During those few months I had started to be quite depended on Roxis.. Not too bad at that point. When we got together last January, I got her into opiates. That was the worst decision I've ever made. We spiraled downwards quickly during that next year. Both quickly working up to huge tolerance, and having the normal "junkie" fights. Truthfully, we still loved each other - it just wasn't, and never work, work with the drugs. We had to separate.
Before we broke up, I had begun using heroin. She knew, but wouldn't partake. I quickly learned she had moved onto heroin, and benzos, at dangerous levels - now with a ****** rebound relationship. She went down quicker than I did. After this break up I went through stages of trying to get clean, and then bingeing.
We got back into contact about three weeks ago. I was three days clean, what a coincidence, she was exactly three as well.
Too make a long story short, we have had a lot of serious discussions, and come to quite a few conclusions. We're still in love, but we will never work with a drug addiction. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, and we are spending lots of time together - but not dating. We are taking things extremely slowly this time.. making sure we can stay sober and what-not.
She was 17 days clean today, and relapsed. **** happens, I'm not mad - just supportive. She's more mad at herself I do believe.. I know it felt good, and I think that's what she's the most mad about. I've slipped up a few times, and not bad slip ups like hers, but I'm doing the best I can. We've promised to call one another if we get urges anymore. So far, every single promise and "trust me" we've told each other this time has been exactly perfect. We have full trust, and that's one of the best things ever.
I'm hopeful in our recovery. I think if we can stay clean, we have a chance at an absolutely BEAUTIFUL life together.
We just have to get and keep our **** in order. I'll update you guys, and I look forward to becoming a part of the community.
I've always had an inclination towards drugs, ever since 15. Anything I could get my hands on, truly. As I have heard from some other opiate addicts, I always "romanticized" heroin and the heroin chic look.
When I was 16/17 I became addicted to Xanax. I got up to 6mg a day or so by the time I was 19 and decided I had to quit. I tapered myself off, somehow, over the course of a month. It took me about six months to start feeling "normal" again.. It was truly the worst thing I've ever been through. Especially when I went cold turkey for a few days.. However, after all of it, I did beat it..
Then I met the girl of my life, Haley. She changed everything. She was clean at that point for five years, after having a bout with triple C's and OD'ing in high school.
We broke up over some ******** (not drug related,) but got back together a few a months later. We never really stopped seeing each other during that period. During those few months I had started to be quite depended on Roxis.. Not too bad at that point. When we got together last January, I got her into opiates. That was the worst decision I've ever made. We spiraled downwards quickly during that next year. Both quickly working up to huge tolerance, and having the normal "junkie" fights. Truthfully, we still loved each other - it just wasn't, and never work, work with the drugs. We had to separate.
Before we broke up, I had begun using heroin. She knew, but wouldn't partake. I quickly learned she had moved onto heroin, and benzos, at dangerous levels - now with a ****** rebound relationship. She went down quicker than I did. After this break up I went through stages of trying to get clean, and then bingeing.
We got back into contact about three weeks ago. I was three days clean, what a coincidence, she was exactly three as well.
Too make a long story short, we have had a lot of serious discussions, and come to quite a few conclusions. We're still in love, but we will never work with a drug addiction. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, and we are spending lots of time together - but not dating. We are taking things extremely slowly this time.. making sure we can stay sober and what-not.
She was 17 days clean today, and relapsed. **** happens, I'm not mad - just supportive. She's more mad at herself I do believe.. I know it felt good, and I think that's what she's the most mad about. I've slipped up a few times, and not bad slip ups like hers, but I'm doing the best I can. We've promised to call one another if we get urges anymore. So far, every single promise and "trust me" we've told each other this time has been exactly perfect. We have full trust, and that's one of the best things ever.
I'm hopeful in our recovery. I think if we can stay clean, we have a chance at an absolutely BEAUTIFUL life together.
We just have to get and keep our **** in order. I'll update you guys, and I look forward to becoming a part of the community.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. You might want to take a look at our substance abuse forum for more insight and info.
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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