Anna

I have been alarmed by the number of threads where members who are in early (sometimes very early) recovery, are talking about going to bars and going to liquor stores.

I believe I was lucky because I understood from the outset that stopping drinking was only the beginning, the tip of the iceberg. I knew I needed to make so many changes in my life, I wasn't even sure where to start, but I knew changes needed to happen. Again, I believe I was lucky because so much had fallen away in my life, and I was finally able to hear my soul and to know that I had to change my path.

In my experience, drinking is the symptom. It is the underlying issues that cause us to drink or use drugs or engage in other addictive behaviour.

When I finally stopped drinking, I was a mess. I was very vulnerable, depressed, lost, and on the verge of losing my family and my health. I couldn't afford to not make it work. If you continue with the same behaviour, same hangouts, same friends, same activities, it's going to be darn near impossible to have long-term sobriety.

Give yourself the gift of recovery.

justinJustQuit

Plus it makes other newcomers potentially want to go to the liquor store too thinking they can "just drink for one night" and be done.

least

Amen.

justinJustQuit

There is no way, and I mean NO WAY I could go to the liquor store right now. I know I need to stay inside and not tempt fate. I can't drink in moderation. It's taken me like 3 months to figure it out.

I'm all in or all out. Drunk or sober. I picked sober, and I'm staying with it.

PurpleKnight

It's a fair point, we MUST protect our Sobriety at all costs!!

Contemplating going near a liquor store or a bar could be damaging, I think everyone needs to get into the mind frame of this is not just eliminating alcohol and continuing on with our current lifestyle, but rather it is a COMPLETE change in lifestyle, one that now doesn't facilitate the whims of alcohol!!

Doing what we have always done on a Fri/Sat night, having parties, visiting friends is not going to work, we need to start letting those close to us know we are now not drinking and there are going to be a few changes to our lifestyles!!

Great post Anna!!

Carlotta

Glad you noticed it too, I thought it was just me. Like my grandma would have said: If you play with matches, you might get burnt.

Jayelle113

It would be impossible for me to go to a bar or liquor store right now. Not even an option. As it is, I have to redesign the way I am going to navigate around my local grocery store to avoid the wine aisle and the coolers with beer. Absolutely no way could I go to a bar right now.

Dee74

Thanks so much for this Anna

I tried many many times to just not drink...and not change any other aspect of my life.

That never worked for me - my whole old life revolved around drinking and drinkers...it was only a matter of time before I got sucked back in.

If you want change - make changes.

I think not going to bars or liquor stores is actually one of the smallest sacrifices we can make for ourselves, when we look at how alcohol has ravaged our lives.

D

foolsgold66

Obvious stuff is only obvious to some after being hit on the head 12 times with a hammer, Anna. I'm in that set, perhaps some of them are too, and have only been hit 11 times.

SweatyHands

I agree 100% on this one. In addition to finding the underlying causes of our drinking, we need to know what our triggers are. Until we have enough experience in dealing with possible meltdowns, I think that avoiding all possible triggers is the best course. If I would have gone into one of my old hangouts in the first few months of my sobriety, I might have been just fine. I did not however go in and I am just fine. When my life is in the balance, I choose to err on the side of caution.

marselles

i am so grateful that i don't need to go to a bar for any reason today.
i have a year sobriety.

if ever attending a bar should be the right thing to do for a particular circumstance for the right reason in the future, i'll be putting my safety first and planning support networks, escape routes etc.

however today i am grateful i have friends in recovery and i don't need to be in a bar today.

OldRocker

Just to add to this, I am almost 2 years sober and I STILL avoid bars and liquor stores.

Hevyn

I was far too fragile in the early months to risk going near it - and even now have to be very cautious.

Thank you Anna.

Indenial618

I agree. It took me years to realize that if I didn't change the way I did things, nothing was going to change. Today I have 36 days, the most I have put together in 10 years besides being pregnant. This time around I really took it to heart and stopped being in denial. Before, I was so afraid to give up my friends, (drinking friends) but you know what? When I stopped going to things they were inviting me to, they all literally started dropping out of existence. What kinds of friends are those? I cancelled our annual Christmas and New years parties because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it sober. Turned down invitations to other people's parties.

At 30 days sober my annual work holiday party was happening. I felt like I would be good to go! I had no desire to drink, that is, until I got there where they had an open bar and not one other sober person in the room. I started sweating, felt irritable and wanting to just have "one". Luckily my husband was with me and could see I wasn't handling it well and immediately said he would take me to dinner somewhere else. So we left. I was so happy after we sat down somewhere else, just us, sober. I was too confident without realizing it. My sobriety right now means everything to me and I won't risk it for anything. I'm so glad I finally came to the realization that all the changes I was so afraid to make aren't important in the grand scheme of life. My old habits, hangouts and friends were slowly killing not only me, but my soul.

bumble

I've been doing the "just for tonight"/"last time" dance for years...

YEARS.

LadyinBC

When I quit drinking I had to totally change everything. People, places and things.

I even quit my job because I knew deep down I would use it as an excuse to drink again. I do realize that not everyone can do it.

I relapsed over and over again because I kept doing the same thing over and over again. Which was nothing. Staying sober is definitely not easy, but we can make some things easier for ourselves, especially in early recovery by staying out of these kinds of places. I feel no shame in saying I can't be in these places.

Continually doing the same behaviour over and over again just sets us up for failure and in the end we are just doing it to ourselves so that we have an excuse to fail.

wpainterw

Anna: Thanks for a very helpful and thoughtful post. When you say that "In my experience, drinking is the symptom. It is the underlying issues that cause us to drink or use drugs or engage in other addictive behaviour." I agree with that. Yet I can only speak from my own personal experience. What were my "underlying issues"? Drinking seemed to help me adjust to some of the challenges that I was meeting early in life. Shyness, difficulty relating to women, insecurity about myself (I was often thought to be rather uninteresting compared to my talented sister) The college weekend drinking culture did not help my situation one bit; indeed it accelerated my dependence on alcohol. Then my sister became ill for five years and finally died, leaving me with guilt which I often used to "justify" my drinking. I sought counseling and tried to resolve the guilt issues but, having become alcoholic, found that the grief over her death came in handy to justify the drinking. Oddly the counselors did not pick up on this one. So the illness or what some call the "disease" festered and progressed, interfering with the development of maturity and causing many more so called "character defects", such as lying, rationalizing, all the earmarks of denial.
Since I sobered up I had some homework to do, some maturing to do. So what I agree with is that just quitting drinking is merely the start of sobriety. To make it stick you have to go back and do the homework which was left undone all those years. New friends, no places, new priorities... In that sense quitting drinking is only the beginning. And by saying that you're right on the button! Thanks for such a useful thread!

W.

MaggieMai

My son just asked if I wanted to taste his beer.

Grrrrr. I just looked at him and reminded him that I'm NEVER going to drink again.

How do you guys deal with a drinking household? Luckily, I'm not tempted by beer, I was a wino. But still - Really kid?! The kid is 23 by the way.

wehav2day

Anna, amen sister!

Pondlady

I just counted the months it's been since I stopped drinking and it's been 19 months. I really can't think of any good reason for me to be in a bar or liquor store…..I'm frankly relieved those days are behind me.

I am really delving into underlying reasons I drank in the first place…..it's taken time for me to reach this point.