Serotonin

Im not drinking and that the first step. Im just so far behind everywhere else I dont know where to turn. I dont have gas in my car to do anything without asking for a handout so I can go anywhere to do anything. Im sure some of my depression is irrational, but there are some very real issues I need to deal with that I have no idea how to address. My kids mom drained me of everything. Moved in quit her job and I got her pregnant. She lived off me a bled me dry. I totally enabled this to happen to me. This is why I need to get some real therapy. Im in bad shape. Now that I have nothing she has no use for me. Things are just so f*****. I cant just sit here and do nothing. I did call a place that takes people on a walk in basis for mental health screenings and counsoling for failures with no money like myself, so that's at least something to do. But they only take ppl on a limited basis so it could be a while.

Side note, I fell down my stairs and injured my tailbone and shoulder. I have a bad back. Just at my bottom right now and tryin not to feel sorry for myself.

SeaScape

Hi there

You have VERY REAL and difficult life problems. For me even weeks after drinking I am still mentally affected by the depressing effects of alcohol- it takes time for me to get perspective about my life- I don't get it after three days sober. I hope you can get some real therapy asap. Peace

Kris47

Start today without a drink and tomorrow will be a new day.

You have to start somewhere man.

I'm rooting for you.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your struggles right now Serotonin but I'm glad you realise drinking won't help.
Very inspiring

D

Serotonin

Thanks everyone for the replies. I woke up this moarning coming out of a bad dream that had me extremely depressed and in a hopeless mood. The first thing I did before posting here was try to set up support by calling the clinic I was referring too in a previous post.

After a few self loathing/venting posts I had some good Karma come my way. I got a call to do some work on a Fender Telecastar, as I do stinged instrument repair. The guy is someone I went to school with, and he's a mechanic. I had been having trouble with my car not starting after I got a new battery and oil change following the cold weather we had here a few weeks ago. So, when he dropped off the guitar he looked at my car and found a air hose that had come loose or not reconnected after the shop did an inspection. So, not only is my car running better, I have some work that will put enough gas in my car to get to meetings and to get in line at the clinic I have talked about..

So, being sober has already paid off. Had I been drinking I wouldn't have gotten this job or known what to do with the resources. I'm done drinking. I'm trying to stay as positive as I can and doing what I can to get better.

I have accomplished a few things and have a better feeling about things than I did earlier today. This is going to take time, and I have to get used to that aspect.

Tomorrow (day 4) I have a lot to keep me busy.

Thanks.

newhope01

Beating yourself and calling yourself a failure is not going to help, its only going to make matters worse. Glad you made the decision to stop using alcohol and that you are going to get professional help as soon as you possibly can. But in the mean time, although it is extremely difficult to do so, be kind to yourself. Don't berate yourself. There are a lot of people in this world that are going to try to bring you down, so why bring yourself down too?

EDIT:
Looks like my reply was not as necessary after all. Glad you are doing better.

Serotonin

Day 4

Woke up feeling strange from the vivid dreams I had. Yesterday I had woken up feeling very depressed and was in a funk. Today I won't even think about the dreams or let them fester. That's not going to help me. Staying positive about some recent good fortune is healthier for me. Not drinking today.

Kris47

That's the way to think.

BTW, glad your car is up and running. Same for you!

Jessicacat1

Well done Serotonin- sounds like some things are beginning to go your way and congratulation on being sober for 4 days. That's excellent news