Hawk07

So as some of you may know from my previous posts I relapsed last night after about 2 weeks...

I stayed with family for most of that time and only just came back to my place this weekend which I share with my boyfriend. He was just about fed up and up to his neck in frustration with me but decided to stick by me during my last stint at sobriety..

I can't shake the look on his face when he came home last night and could see that I had been drinking.. It broke my heart... so when he left I drank more...naturally. How do you make amends to the ones closest to you that you've hurt....I can't just say that i'm sorry, it will never happen again.. been there done that.

I guess it'll just take time...

DoneStumblin

I have seen that look on my husband's face more times than I care to think about. When I was using, I disappointed and annoyed him more times than I can count. A big part of my motivation to stay sober is mending my marriage. I have put alcohol before everything in my life for years now. I am only 23 days sober, and by far in the clear from a relapse. I have been trying to educate my husband on my disease as well as fully explain to him how deep my addiction had actually become in hopes that if I do incur a set back he will be able to help pick me back up, and get back on track. The guilt within ourselves that comes from a relapse is awful.

Lifeisforliving

I think the best way to make amends is by giving your sobriety top priority and let it do the talking for you. I'm a big believer in actions, not words. It takes more time but is so much sweeter.

DoneStumblin

Pick yourself back up and press forward in your steps to recovery. We cannot properly express our love for another as long as we continue to abuse ourselves.

Zeepa

Think of it as another opportunity to get sober before something really bad happens physically. I was like that, then had a whole host of very serious physical problems (emergencies) hit me out of the blue. They are slowly starting to fix, but if I drink again they will be back with a vengeance..also, every time I have relapsed getting sober has been harder and harder. Its good to stop before any of that stuff happens to you

Hawk07

I found him waiting at home when I got off work with a few packed bags. He's done... I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin right now between going through the withdrawals all over again and losing someone dear to me.. this is hell.

Hevyn

I'm so sorry Hawk. Please try to focus on getting well and taking care of yourself though. We all care - keep posting and lean on SR.

Hawk07

Thank you Hevyn. I'm going through moments of clarity and understanding, I don't blame him for leaving.. and moments of just complete despair. I just want to get better. No more drinking, no more hangovers and no more ruining my life.

Dee74

I'm sorry Hawk - I hope this will just be a temporary thing.

I remember I'd said I'm sorry I'll change so many times that noone listened in the end...they all heard me talking the talk - they wanted to see me walk the walk.

When I finally did get sober - for me - it took a while, and I didn't talk about it, but gradually those I loved saw the change in me and they knew it was real.

I'm blessed in that most of the people important to me forgave me and trust me again.

I hope it will be the same for you Hawk

D

Hawk07

Thank you Dee,

I hope after a while I can regain trust in those I love.. Getting sober and staying sober is a huge comfort to me now as I associate it with happiness. This last relapse so wasn't worth it.