JohnVestel85

To start I have a family that loves me but not when I drink. They all say I'm the nicest person sober. I have been battling this addiction for atleast 8 years. I have tried quitting and for some reason I always make the same mistakes. Going back to the bar because I think I'll be ok this time. I just came off a four day drinking binge. I missed four days of work because I was so sick feeling in the morning I would head to the bar. To self medicate. I don't drink beer anymore as it's not strong enough. Straight to doubles of vodka or crown royal and a side glass of water to rinse it down. I get so drunk I walk home and pass out after an hour or two at the bar. When I wake up usually in a couple hours I'm sick feeling again so back to the bar I head. And it's like this every time I drink. It needs to end. I have gone over a year in the past with being sober. And just want to get back on track. I have tried going to detox in the past and it wasn't my thing. Plus we can't afford me not working. I made an appointment with a alcohol addition counselor for tonight and my wife will be coming along with me. When I stop the binge I have bad anxiety attacks and battle horrible depression because I'm so upset that I let myself get into this situation again. I will be finding AA meetings that are local that I can attend. I just want to be the normal nice guy I am when I'm sober. For me my wife and son including my whole family.

IOAA2

Hi Nice Guy. I needed to accept the fact that I could not drink in safety and my life had become unmanageable. That and staying honest with myself about my drinking without glossing it over.
There are many good people to help here and at AA if we accept the help. The bottom line is to not pick up the first drink, that way we don't have to try to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL

Kris47

Good luck tonight, John!

One day at a time.

Kris

JohnVestel85

The hard part I have is I cannot pin point my triggers. Because in the back of my mind I know I will not be ok going to the bar.

FreeOwl

AA and a counselor are good moves.

From what you're describing - you're pretty ready to admit you're beat by this thing.

If so... if you're really ready to be that nice guy you REALLY ARE and embrace a much better life, then DO IT!!

My advice would be get to as many AA meetings as you can for now. Two a day if possible. It's going to be hard at first, but it's going to be worth it. You need a supportive community around you to get this done. We're here for you.... but having face to face, real relationships to lean on will be immense.

Also - it's more than just the drinking. It's working on the underlying causes of our drinking and our minds through a program of recovery.

Welcome aboard and congratulations on wanting to stop this cycle.

IOAA2

We are all motivated differently so what is my trigger may not be anyone else's. I needed to be told to change any patterns that involved drinking, no getting cigarettes in bars or package stores, no dart playing in bars, no hanging out with old drinking "friends" no keeping any booze in the house or car, no visits to friends or relatives who would offer me a drink, no going to restaurant's with a bar in close proximity to the eating area and when going to the rest room avoid going by the bar and on and on.
These things may appear tough but it's a far cry from looking up at the roots of the grass.

BE WELL

Zeepa

I kept on drinking, staying sober for a few days here and there to get work done, but never more than a couple of weeks ever. In the end I got so physically ill my body pretty much exploded with serious problems (including emergency surgery). It took such a physical implosion AND the doctors telling me I will definitely be dead if I dont stop to finally make me want to quit for good. The difference this time is I remember how much abdominal pain I was in this past November/December, forcing myself to drink because "I was having fun" even though it felt like I was being stabbed through the belly button.

The people here really help to keep things in perspective. One thing that has stuck with me particularly since ive been here is when someone said (sorry I forget who exactly) "the idea in your head of having a nice, sophisticated relaxing drink over ice and the actual reality when you are being sick and feeling like crap after drinking paint stripper whisky is a very different reality"

Good luck and remember to make it a habit of coming here, even if you are lurking. Works for me

x

JohnVestel85

I would like to become an active member of the forum. As I learn all the rules and get to know the ins and out of working everything on here. I'm going to purchase the app for the iphone as well.

KateL

You sound exactly the same as I was. Getting caught in that horrible cycle and too sick and scared to come off. You sound like you have a wondeful, supporting wife and I'm sure, with the right help, you can lick this thing because you really want to xxxx

JohnVestel85

Yes my wife for some reason is very supporting. And I'm thankful for that. She doesn't drink herself. And has always believed that I can beat this. I just want to make sure that I never lose her devotion to me. As I'm sure one day might be the last. Even though she's never said she would leave.

Hawk07

I'm back to day one again... I'm working on accepting that I lose whatever little control or power I have over alcohol after that first sip..What's made me slip is thinking i'd be ok with just one drink after a period of sobriety and feeling normal again... That little voice in your head saying just one drink will be fine is the monster or 'disease' trying take over again... Hang in there and welcome.. I've found this forum very helpful..

JohnVestel85

That little voice in your head saying just one drink will be fine is the monster or 'disease' trying take over again.

I agree with this 100%

tazzle

that is awesome! how lucky and blessed you are! my advice would be to talk to her, tell her when that AV starts talking and together you will get through it. Go for walks, cook together, whatever it takes. dont let alcohol take her away from you!!

JohnVestel85

Day three been stoping on here today on and off. Talked to the Counslor last night with my wife along. He kinda made me mad...but in a sense he's right. He asked my wife if she's going to stick around forever if I'm drinking. Almost trying to convince her to divorce me if I mess up. And told her to leave me for good if I do. That most alcoholics take four people down with them. I know if I keep drinking it's not healthy for her but I feel last night may have been a poor decision for him to make those statements. Am I wrong for feeling that way?