anchorbird

I should have really looked back at my behavior in November when I was questioning AA because I drank last night. I didn't get drunk, I was too scared to drink enough to do that, so I guess I have learned something, BUT I know it could have easily happened. I wasn't even all that happy while I was drinking.

I was 100% honest with my husband when he asked if I drank so there is another thing I have learned. Yes, I am disappointed in myself, but I know I have not thrown away the last 3 months. I have learned so much and have gotten through some really hard times without alcohol. Last night I wasn't even stressed out, but there had been some lingering resentments and fears. I just wanted to drink the beer we had the in house.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I am going to be signing in a lot more often for awhile.

Dee74

hi Anchorbird - welcome back

If there's a good thing to come from this it's that you've identified a cycle, and you've learned some stuff.

Now you just need to apply it all

D

Skye2

Hey, at least you got straight back on here

afloatsober

Thanks for sharing.
Always before i relapsed in the past i would find myself questioning the things that were keeping me well.. Then ahhhaaaaarg what have i done. It helped me to understand that my head simply tells me lies, particularly where alcohol is concerned.
I try to remember that MY best thinking got me drunk, broke, ill and alone...again.
Back here is good and back to AA.
Onwards and upwards.
Best wishes.
Gary x

LadyBlue0527

I'm so glad to be hearing from you anchorbird. Never give up, each time we try we learn something and it sounds like you did. You ended up with a new tool in your toolbelt to combat this which is recognition of a pattern like Dee said.

I still do this to myself too. What helps is to stop and think it through. Be honest with yourself about why you're mad. The question that I ask myself is "What is this really all about?". Hey, sometimes I am really just angry or resentful. We're human, we're allowed those emotions. The next question is "Is this in my control or out of my control?" If it's in my control then I plot the steps to change it. If it's out of my control I let it go. I can't do anything about it so why am I allowing it to make me angry or resentful? It's wasted energy.

If I'm being totally unreasonable and I realize that I'm merely plotting and setting the scenario to drink I find something to do. It needs to get me through the rest of that day and will take away any and all chances to drink. As much as my mind is telling me and adamant that's what I want to do I now know that all I have to do is to make it through that day, whatever it takes, to make it to the next morning. Try all of this, it might help and so far I haven't heard of anyone who has regretted not drinking.

KateL

I understand about lingering resentment and fears. I used to keep a small bottle in case things got tough, bad idea ... you can do it xxxxx

FreeOwl

you conducted an experiment.... the results? Maybe a bit more evidence that you'd prefer to choose sobriety?

Don't beat yourself up.... welcome back.

anchorbird

Thanks everyone. I am feeling better about my slip, but my husband said some pretty hurtful things to me last night that I just can't seem to get over, or even grasp. One day at a time.

Kris47

Today, we go Forward.

Day one for me again, too.

least

Learn from it and move forward again.

Lifeisforliving

I'm back too, Anchor. This time I hope for good.

Sending you strength & peace today. Thank you for being here.

coming_clean

good job learning so much about step 1

30yrdrunk

AB,


You can't control what your husband does. You can only control what you do. Stay strong! I am 30 days sober and trying to focus my energy in being as healthy as I can be. I have a lot of time on my hands without the booze. I bought some raw veggies today (dislike veggies) and some vitamins at Whole Foods (B complex and St John's wort for mood and energy) I have vowed to record everything I eat and closely track my calories, carbs, protein intake.

Best Wishes,

TC

foureyedfool

I think not getting drunk is a great sign. I mean, if you only didn't because you didn't have enough alcohol /to/ get drunk then maybe not so much, but if you were able to stop yourself before you completely lost control, then you definitely have learned something! And since you weren't happy while doing it, maybe next time you get the urge just tell yourself, eh it wasn't great last time, it won't be great this time, so I'm just gonna ignore it. Good luck to you

malcolmsloan

I applaud your honesty, Anchorbird. Sorry for the "slip"(don't know what we should call em'), but learn, get up, and move forward with verve!