KateL

When I gave in and was ready to relapse, I would get a buzz in anticipation,even before I took that drink,. It was weird, has anyone else experienced that? How strange the way the brain works with that poison looming. I just posted much the same but it didn't show up, so apologies in advance if it shows up twice. xxxxx

Pipping

I know what you mean Kate. When I had the house to myself and a day off work the next day I was like a kid in a candy shop. I was really excited like I had a really great secret that I couldn't share, like I has won lotto but couldn't tell anyone about it. I would get the nightly call from my husband overseas and I couldn't get him off the phone quick enough. The wine would be guzzled and better get those cigs smoked in case they grew legs and walked away. After a couple of hours it would be fatty takeaways and then on to boring people for hours on the phone. Yuck. Wake up vomiting and depressed to repeat it all agin the same day

Weaver

Yes. I would get almost "manic" so to speak. Literal euphoria because I knew I would be drinking soon (after an absence) ugh.

KateL

Yes. my whole body would totally relax at the mere thought as though I had started drinking already. xx

Shoebox62

I just relapsed after over 14 months of recovery and there was no planning whatsoever. It just happened. My wife was on travel for 2 weeks, and looking back on it I knew that, in my head, I thought I could do whatever I wanted and no one would ever know. So, straight to the liquor store and bought my first bottle of wine in over a year. Thinking it through, I can see all the signs were there and looming: I let my guard down, was bored, over-confident that I'd "beaten" my addiction. As I'm learning, this is a battle that's never won. I've always got to fight against the addictive voice. Sucks, but that's what it is.

MythOfSisyphus

I am planning a trip to Vegas in a month or two. I've joked with coworkers that when I'm there I should get get wasted since "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and that it wouldn't count! Now this is completely in jest; if I ever do drink again I may not be able to stop. There might not be a 'next time' to be sober.

So, NO- I am not gonna plan a relapse.

tomsteve

when I was drinkin, nope, never planned one. I did plan quite a few benders,though.
in recovery, I haven't planned one,but was pretty buggered up when I was told,"tom yer on a premeditated drunk." took a lil while but I eventually got to the point I was headin out for a 12 pack. didn't get it, but sure saw how right that man was.

JustMeg

Yeah, have just posted about this on the substance misuse forum. I used to think that I could 'treat' myself to a day of pills after being clean for a while. I would tell myself that I would only need a few as the effects would be stronger after a break, and that as long as it was only for a day it would be ok. Then I would move the goalposts and say to myself, as long as it's for less than 3 days on the trot I will be able to stop again without any ill effects etc etc. You get the picture. Anyway this plan worked so 'well' for me that 2 years later I am still here, still trying to get clean and putting myself through a long taper to get off the tablets. Yep, what a great plan that was

ForMeForThem

Yes, my AV has planned drinking in advance on many occasions, which has lead me to a cycle of starts and stops. This time around I am working hard on recognizing that thought pattern when it starts and shutting it down before it has any time to really take hold. My husband will be out of town this Sunday and I instantly had a thought of, "oh I could drink and no one would know". It took me by surprise that that was my first thought after 2 1/2 months of sobriety! I quickly dismissed it and am instead planning a nice sober day for myself.

Don't let those thoughts occupy space in your head, shut them down before they take hold and gain any strength. You can do it!