What happened to Mom?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 395
What happened to Mom?
When I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a Mommy... A Great Mommy! Now I feel like I have ruined my kids lives. I started drinking heavily when my girls were around 11 and 15, right after my Dad passed away, before that they had the best Mom I could be. It was a huge change for them, now I am back, sober and doing the best I can. But, I can never forgive myself for putting them through that for four years. That is how I grew up so I do know "exactly" how they must feel. They say they love me and have forgiven me, just glad to have Mom back. I feel like I was given exactly what I wanted, two beautiful, healthy children, that I was going to give the best childhood ever and I am left with what I have done to them that cannot be taken back.
I know I have to move on, but it is so hard!!
I know I have to move on, but it is so hard!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
You have given them an enormous gift by choosing sobriety. You are telling them that they are worth your best. That you are strong and loving and they are lovable. You are showing them that they can change their lives too if and when they need to. You are showing them that you have tried sobriety and non-sobriety and you choose the better one: sobriety. (What a lesson for them! I wish someone had told me they had tried both and sobriety was better!)
Don't forget to look forward to what your change will show them in the years to come. Don't sell yourself short. You are amazing!
Don't forget to look forward to what your change will show them in the years to come. Don't sell yourself short. You are amazing!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi Charliee
Give yourself permission to forgive you .
Give yourself a pat on the back it was only 4 years and not a lifetime
As Mums , we will continue to torture ourselves cos that's what we do ..
We cant change it .
They will respect you and be so grateful now that you are sober .
You have done good ;-)))) xxx
Congrats x
Give yourself permission to forgive you .
Give yourself a pat on the back it was only 4 years and not a lifetime
As Mums , we will continue to torture ourselves cos that's what we do ..
We cant change it .
They will respect you and be so grateful now that you are sober .
You have done good ;-)))) xxx
Congrats x
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
They have you back and that is all kids want. I made amends and was always honest and open with my kids, so they could understand, digest and then put it to bed. Guilt is a killer so be happy that you are all back to normal. You never asked for what happended to you. xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 158
Having parents with chronic substance abuse issues, that you were a great mother to your children for many years prior to your recent period of disarray is significant. Were you drinking throughout their childhood and making things hell, they would probably harbor a lot of resentment.
By building a happy foundation during their more formative years, you've engendered an indelible image of goodness. Your recent struggle likely tarnishes that image, but only in pencil. How well that tarnish is erased depends on what kind of eraser you want to use. Sustained sobriety going forward should be exactly what you need to get the job done.
By building a happy foundation during their more formative years, you've engendered an indelible image of goodness. Your recent struggle likely tarnishes that image, but only in pencil. How well that tarnish is erased depends on what kind of eraser you want to use. Sustained sobriety going forward should be exactly what you need to get the job done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Charliee - I have no children myself but I do have a great MOM. Daughters and Moms have a speial bond. You have always been a great mom you just had some troubles of your own for awhile. Be the best Mom you can be now and enjoy your daughters - I am sure that is all they want.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Being the son of an alcoholic was tough. I saw what I never wanted to be and promised myself I would not be. Even with all that I still drank, and drank. My kids are 14,8,6 and I got sober 16 months ago. I had such a hard time foregiving myself, most of the time because I thought I was better then that. Better than my father. Better then the drunk my kids saw. Today I realize I am who I am. An alcoholic who made mistakes. I had to make those mistakes to learn from them. Just the way it is. Try to keep your head up, like yourself, be proud of where you are today!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
look at what you feel you have "taken away" as something to acknowledge, own up to, and make amends for...
look at the life ahead you have to give them as the most blessed opportunity you could possibly be given....
and hold gratitude every day for your choice to live sober and free...
look at the life ahead you have to give them as the most blessed opportunity you could possibly be given....
and hold gratitude every day for your choice to live sober and free...
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I feel the same way. I have struggled on and off with regrets. A girl said something in a meeting that helped me and that was: maybe she had to go through the drinking to get to a better place.
I know it sounds insane, but it has helped me with some of the regrets. If I hadn't gone down so far and then wanted recovery so bad, put so much work into my rehabilitation and self-improvement, I don't think I would have grown and matured as much as I have.
I know it sounds insane, but it has helped me with some of the regrets. If I hadn't gone down so far and then wanted recovery so bad, put so much work into my rehabilitation and self-improvement, I don't think I would have grown and matured as much as I have.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 395
Wow, you have all brought me to tears. I am so blessed to have amazing people like you and the entire SR community in my life right now. No one else in my world right now could understand what I am going through, let alone know what to say. Thank you all so much, you have made my month!! 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Charliee, I was a great Mom and then I drank for 3 years. My daughter was 16 -18 and my son 18-20. I would never have imagined I would become that person, but I did. My daughter was very angry with me and it took a lot of time and patience to work things out. Forgiving myself was a long-term process, and even now I have occasional moments when it hits me. I have made amends to my children for the last 13 years and will continue to do so. It's how I deal with it. My children have forgiven me and the greatest miracle was when my daughter had her baby and I was the first person she trusted to be alone with the new baby. There is always hope!
Dented But Reliable
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Pickerington, OH
Posts: 31
I tell my sponsees that the best thing I can be to my family is a billboard. Those things are so big you can't ignore them. When I can turn my life around with the same gusto I used to derail it, the results get noticed. Nope. That doesn't eliminate the crap I did. But it isn't the present, either. You know what happens after I've driven by that same billboard, day after day, for months? I start noticing the product it's advertising sitting on the shelf at the grocery store. So will my family. Eventually. I was over at a sponsees' house one day, and I watched his daughter give him a big hug...the same daughter who told him she didn't want to have anything to do with him. Funny how badly we need our families...even more than I need the booze.
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