Acheleus

64 days sober. I cannot quit thinking about a girl I fell in love with in the rooms. We had three great days together then she said no more, that I did not have enough time. Now I cannot think and I want to die.

Straightshoot

Oh that is sad. Hopefully when you acquire more sober time, she will be around and reconsider. Good luck.

Dee74

I know it hurts but try to not to obsess Ach.

You had a three day love affair.
72 hours.

Thats a great memory, not a reason to die.

You will get over this and have many many more loves in your life

I'm not cold and I'm not cruel.

I think I fell in love every day of my 20s.
But things get better and crushes pass.

I eventually got myself together and experienced real lasting relationships - you have all that to look forward to

D

ForMe423

If you truly want to be with her, you need to stay committed to being sober. If she sees that you are determined then maybe she will believe that you are strong enough for a relationship. She's protecting herself from getting hurt which is why she backed away. If she falls too deeply for you, and you relapse, she will end up with nothing. You can get through this and now you have something to keep you motivated and driven! And if she doesn't stick around long enough to see how you can succeed, then she's not the one for you. I know the desperation you feel, believe me. But dying is not the answer. Live for yourself and the rest will fall into place. Remember, in life, we are NEVER where we're not supposed to be! I'm here if you want to talk.

ScottFromWI

Ach, as much as it hurts you are confusing lust with love. You are also young and very early in sobriety, which is a bad time to be engaging in relationships. You need to step back and look at what is really important in your life now...which is taking care of yourself. Are you still seeing a counselor? This would be an excellent topic to discuss.

Anna

If it's meant to be, then it will work out. And, let this encourage you to work on your recovery and to be strong and healthy.

Kat60

Ach
Congrats on the 64 days!!! That is stellar!!'

I am so sorry you are hurting...I know how that can feel, but I assure you, this is not the last "love affair" you will have!!

In time you will look back on this 3 day love affair as your awakening into sobriety and how it is to "feel" again.

I think that it is normal to have these feelings of loss, but certainly it is not something worth dying over. She is protecting her sobriety as you should yours.

Hang in there Ach. You are doing so well... Do not let this derail you!!

Aellyce

I had a ~5 year crazy love affair with someone that I liked to call "the love of my life" for a long time... still feel that way sometimes. But getting to be more aware of my addictive tendencies and personality, I've come to see that I've had had a few similar relationships where I was involved with similar attitude and mentality even previously... and a few shorter (thank God!) ones since, up to now. I am feeling more than ever now, that these were never the "real deal", they were more just gates to escape into worlds where things seemed intense and alive... but in reality I was pretty "dead" to them.

I'm hoping to have much better relationships in the future after some sober time under my belt, for now I prefer to focus on getting things right.
(The temptation is hard sometimes, though.)

justinJustQuit

This is a crappy situation. I had to wait a year for a woman once. It was a very rough year.

But I wound up marrying her. Not sure if that helps you out, but its not inconceivable that it could happen.

Its kind of weird in my opinion that she said you had to be sober a certain amount of time. Why even let that situation get that far? If I were her, there's no way id end up in a room somewhere alone with this person. Just my opinion.

Acheleus

I felt uncomfortable around my sponsor. I told him I wanted to find someone to work with who had more time and who is older than me. On Tuesday I will see my counselor, I am sure she will be able to help me. Today I walked and ran for three hours, so exercise really helps. It is dumb to feel so sad about this. I told her I would wait a year to be with her. I know who I am going to ask to sponsor me.

autan

So thats an invitation to stay sober and get enough time under your belt. Theres no reason, why you cannot pick up the relationship later on.

Acheleus

I would wait a year and marry her. The second night we hung out she showed me a picture of her mom and wanted me to meet some of her family. I have never felt so comfortable with someone.

Acheleus

But see I am finished grad school in June or July. I also got accepted to law school and so what if I leave in 6 months? I will regret not being with her forever! I do not want to drink I want to hold her hand and make her happy. This is awful.

Kat60

It's not "dumb"'to "feel" anything Ach. You are a human being with honest to goodness feelings! It's ok...

You did some positive things to cope today! Good for you!! You are making good decisions in talking to your therapist and choosing a sponsor that fits for you.

You're gonna be ok Ach. Keep posting and keep doing the next right thing. If it works out in a year with her that's great. If it doesn't then you will be one hell of a good catch if you stick to your recovery😀

least

Go slowly. Don't rush headlong into something as deep as a long term relationship. Concentrate first on your recovery and overall health. Later on you can see about dating her. Give yourself time.

Kat60

Congrats in getting accepted to law school! Wow, that's amazing!!

If you are meant to be together, the miles between you will work themselves out.

You know you can't be with her right now, so focus on getting your life together to be the man that YOU want to be and the right things will be there for you when you are ready!!!

autan

My advice is leave and go to law school, get you law degree and keep your sobriety, come back and marry her. She will not be able to resist. Simple.

Johnston

Did she know how much time you had before she got into a relationship with you? In any event, sorry you got hurt.

Acheleus

We had seen each other in the rooms. She knew how new I was. She really liked me, her eyes lit up when she came to see me. We kissed and hugged on the night she said we could not be in a relationship.


I just talked to someone in the program. I wrote a consequence list and read the drs opinion. I have 400 pages to read tonight for grad school.

I really love this girl, I know I may sound crazy, but I hope she is happy and having fun tonight or just at peace.

It would be a bad idea to call her wouldn't it?

Kat60

Yes sweetie, it would be a bad idea to call her...

Get to your reading... Your future awaits you!!

xo
Kat