KateL

I met the love of my life when I was 19 and he was 23. We are in our fifties now. We have seen each other on and off over the years but each have had too many issues to forge a proper relationship. We have always kept in touch and met up every so often, saying perhaps one day. But we have never let go ... silly old fools Just thought I'd share x

Kat60

Ahhh Kate, I have the same thing in my life and we are also in our fifties...
It never worked out properly either, but we have had some amazing tender moments over the years. What sweet lovely memories that I will always hold so very close to me!
We still talk to each other from time to time and keep up on each other's lives.... Yes, silly old
fools we are too :-)

Marcher13

Acheleus you got accepted to law school. You have been accepted into law school. Whether you go or not is beside the point, this is a shining moment of achievement in your life. Acheleus, just for a moment forget everything and look at this -- if you want to you can go to law school and if you want to you can do anything else.

Louise82

Ach, well done on your sober time and on getting into law school. You're doing great. You are an inspiration to me as I'm embarking on a career change which will require me to get back into university.

Thank you for posting this thread. Your honesty and the replies have helped me today.

Threshold

I don't think it is dumb at all to feel as you do. It's a genuine loss of something that was clearly special and wonderful for you, and during a time of much pain and confusion for you.

But still and all, we have to make smart choices, like you did to go out running, and to do your studying. We keep doing the next right thing. Take care of OUR side and not try to control the rest of the world.

Please don't call her. I truly think it would be best to not go there. Show her the respect of not calling her since she has made her decision clear. And don't make this already painful experience harder on yourself either.

I am glad you are finding a more suitable sponsor, and will be working the steps.

I think if you read much around here you will see over and over again how much we see and feel changes in ourselves over that first year of sobriety. The person we are at 1, 3, 6 months sober is very very different from who the stable sober us will be at 18 months. You will both have more to offer yourselves and one another a bit further down the line.

You are projecting a future for the two of you that you just can't know. Even the most wonderful 72 hours is still just 72 hours. Just remember that your projections are fantasies, and not to get too attached or involved in them. We can drive ourselves crazy as well as undermine our present and future realities by creating unrealistic expectations.

Broken hearts are the worst. big hugs.

FreeOwl

your sobriety is your priority.... more great things will come as you continue to stay true to that choice.

Maybe you and she will have more together in the future. Maybe not. But you had that gift of experience.... AND, you have sobriety.

Cherish and focus on that.

PurpleKnight

Yeah, don't force things, give things some time, if they are meant to be then it'll work out in the future, if this is the same girl you mentioned before wanting 1 year sober, then that is a good goal to work towards, the rest will come in time!!

Acheleus

I called an older man in the program who told me he would give me some time after a meeting tonight. Last night I wrote a consequences list. Maybe this man can help me. I want an oldtimer to be my sponsor, not a peer of mine. The connection I felt with this girl was incredible, but I hope she will keep me in mind. All that matters is my work and my sobriety. Today I taught and felt very confortable in my self, I had a calm sense of being in control of things. And no, I will not call her, but I will be polite at meetings. I know she really likes me, I have never seen a woman look at me like she did.

Thank you all for the advice. Maybe I need to not ask any women out on dates for a while.

Kat60

Ach,
You are doing really, really well!!!

I think you are on the right track on so many levels.

It is so good to hear you say you felt comfortable in your own skin in front of that class today! You are sounding good and so very much stronger!

I am really glad to hear you will respect her boundaries and consider your priorities in your education and sobriety as just as important!

Can't wait to hear how your meeting goes!!

Acheleus

Thank you for the positive encouragement Kat. I have been listening to a lot of Roy Orbison to get over my heartache.

Kat60

Ahhhh Yes, Roy can get to me too!!
:-)

Threshold

I don't want to sound condescending, but I do want to tell you I am proud of how you are handling this.

A HUGE part of recovery is learning honest and positive ways of dealing with our feelings, and you are showing a lot of wisdom...in coming here to share what is going on, in seeking a good sponsor and in your dealings with this woman.

big hugs, and keep it up!

Acheleus

Went to a meeting and the older man said I should pick someone to sponsor me who I click with. He already has five sponsors. Reading all night tonight but I find myself checking my phone hoping she will call...maybe that hope will die in a few days. Why does she not even look my way at meetings? It is like she is scared to look at me.

Also going vegetarian and I have been drinking nothing but water the past 3 weeks.

Today I had class and I talked more than I have in any other class, it is a small seminar.

I have an 800 page novel to read!
And two other books
And 20 pages to write. I do not have time for a girlfriend anyway.
She had lovely hair though. And lips...Sigh

PurpleKnight

The thing is though Acheleus, if she was always looking your way, that would be giving you a lot of false hope, as you'd be feeling this must then be going somewhere with this girl, she probably doesn't want to give you that impression, which in time will allow you to concentrate on other things, like your studying.

Focus on your studies and your Sobriety and as I mentioned earlier the rest will come!!

Hang in there!!