scintillady

One of the things that I'm really looking forward to and also not looking forward to, is sober sex. The good thing about it is that if it's good I'll probably remember it, but if it's not, maybe I won't want to remember it.

ArcticSA

I was just thinking about this today, then stopped myself after remembering all the less-than-desirable things my wild side did. :P

Mags1

I waffled on for half a dozen lines then deleted it as I kept contradicting myself, yes I liked the excitement no I didn't like what drinking did to me . Make up your mind girl, then realised, I'm happy being without the booze and all the excitement in the world won't take that away from me.
Ok, lots of discoveries on the road ahead, but I'm game. x

JackieC

So well said, Mags. I'm game, too. Let's do this.

letustrythis123

I used to call it my 'feel better immediately juice'. Two nips and I'd be taken to numbness. I enjoyed being out of my own person and I thought I was happier and number. Hell, I'd take numb on certain days.. My self-loathing would vaporize and suddenly I could deal with the world, those people close to me who can drive me insane, the pressures at the office, on and on. When I start to think about this, I do what Dee said about urge surfing. I think about how that numbness would be fleeting and the cost of keeping myself at that point was taking a huge toll on just about everything else in my life including my body and my relationships. It's just not worth it. I am scared about being sober forever but I don't think I have a choice.

LadyBlue0527

DD, you WILL get this back. It won't be exactly the same but it will be better!

Of course, I'm only spouting how it's been for me but I can only imagine that sticking with it that hopefully you'll find the same.

The first few times I went out anywhere where others were drinking I was quiet. I wasn't used to this. I didn't want to drink but at the same time I missed how after that first beer I would begin to loosen up. Then I'd sit there and play the tape though and realize that nothing good would come of it.

After that there became an acceptance and I would still go ahead and make conversation or comment on what was being discussed. I noted that the more I did this the more I could come up with my usual snarky comments too.

Now, I'm the goofball that I always was but without the obnoxiousness. It just took some time to figure it out. The best thing that I found so far is that now when I'm out and I smile, laugh, make a off color comment, or be a goofball that it's genuine! It's not the alcohol talking. I never have to wake up the next morning wondering if what I said or did was inappropriate. The downside is that if that happens I know it right when I do it (totally kidding). It is nice to know that if I did something inappropriate that I am accountable and could fix it right then and there.

One thing that I do definitely love now is that if I go out somewhere I still have to remind myself that once I go where ever it is that I'm headed that the day is not over. If I went to lunch with friends to a bar that was the end of that. The entire day was done.

This really does get better, even going to parties etc. Your sobriety legs get stronger and stronger and life just becomes what it is.

peanutty

Great thread. I'm struggling with this to. Interestingly, I went to a good friend's 50th birthday party over the summer. He happens to be in recovery so no booze. Most of the folks there were his friends from AA. There was a DJ and dancing and I recall thinking I'd never seen so many sober people having so much fun. They were uninhibited and silly. It's possible, I was there .

ReadyAtLast

Hi DD
I read your thread last night and have been giving it a lot of thought since. I understand where you're coming from to some extent but I also realize that for me, what I though was lacking inhibition was actually, to others, pretty crazy behaviour.

Whether it was being too loud, flirting inappropriately with men or behaving inappropriately, speaking my mind. I realize now that alcohol turned me into a loud, obnoxious, inappropriate person.

When I stopped drinking I felt nervous and didn't really know how to be, especially in large groups without the comfort blanket of alcohol. Now I don't lose my inhibitions but that is a good thing. I behave 'normally' and I never wake worrying about if I went too far or what I said.

Hope this helps

ClearMind

This was an issue for me too, but the problem for me was my wild side was much too wild and had literally no inhibitions, to the point of being dangerous. For example, I would drink and drive without a second thought. I would lose all honour, I would pretty well do anything. This isn't a way to be!