Bobster

This looks like a wonderful community and I'd thought I'd come for support.

Recently, over the past couple years, I had become increasingly frustrated at work. Because of various things adding up, I decided I needed to "show them" and quit my great job and took a lesser job for a 30%+ paycut plus loss of bonus and stock options. I had a laundry list of complaints that justified the move.

However, day 1 at my new job I realized I made a huge mistake. Work is just work. People are similar in every office. And I had reset my career 10 years. I literally had this pay and a bigger role in 2007.

This made me really examine what was wrong with me and I realized that since starting to drink craft beer in mid 2011 my life and work performance have gone downhill.

I am an alcoholic.

I kick myself for missing the clear signs- driving up an exit ramp drunk in mid 2012, asking my Mom for help in early 2012 and her recommeding a therapist, the bizarre incorrect hepes diagnosis in mid 2012 that made me suicidal. Going from top 2 performer on my team to dead last in 2012-2013.

I knew something was wrong. I changed diet, exercise, sleep, social and church patterns in 2012-13 to attempt to fix what was ailing me. But I didn't see the one thing that was killing me- craft beer, which I drank almost daily and can have a very high abv.

I plan on quitting cold turkey. I think I have a chance because it's only 2.5 years of abuse. I don't really crave beer, it was just a fun social thing. Unfortunately I would drink alone, check in or review my beer online, and consider it social.

But the hardest part is the mental anguish of giving up an amazing job and taking a job role less than I had 10 years ago. I have been averaging 5 hours of sleep. I am doing a very menial job and not doing it well either. I don't know if I can return to where I was and the missed opportunities kill me. The money I gave up and hearing my friends talk about their great jobs (in similar industries) hurts so much.

The good thing is I am hopeful for interviews and I informed my former employer, who I'm still on good terms with, that I'm willing to return.

But for now, things are incredibly hard. If only I had my old job, this would be easier.

Typical alcoholic- "if only."

Thanks for reading and any sleeping tips would be great.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think it's normal to have lots of regrets when we stop drinking. Things that we didn't see or that we've been avoiding dealing with, jump up in our face and demand attention. My suggestion is to focus on your recovery and getting well. You have let your old employer know you'd like to return, so try to be patient and see what happens. Learning patience was a necessity for me in early recovery because I wanted everything fixed now. It doesn't work that way.

hayley86

Welcome Bobster, SR is a great place for support. Glad you have joined us.

Bobster

Great point! Impatience has become a big problem for me. That's why I took the crappy job

Renarde

Welcome! I too tried many things to improve my life, but I never got past a certain point because I was an active alcoholic. Once I accepted this and quit drinking my life really changed. I'm glad you are here!

ScottFromWI

Look at it this way Bob...you still have a job, and I assuming your health. Alcohol takes those things away from many before they realize what is happening. You also have the blessing of being able to make changes now before things get worse.

SR is a great place to find support, and it can be of huge benefit throughout recovery. If you have the option, I'd recommend seeing a doc before quitting cold turkey. Withdrawal can be dangerous, although not always. And the kind of alcohol or amount really isn't the only indicator of how severe they might be.

You've made a great choice, things will get better.

Louise82

Welcome Bobster! Yeah this really is a great community, offering support 24/7. I'm glad you're quitting drinking. Committing to sobriety and working on your recovery is a great way to turn your life back around.

The uncertainty of not knowing whether you'll return to your old job is hard but by telling your employer you're willing to return you've taken control of the situation as best you can for now. Let's wait and see what happens. Staying sober and working on yourself will put you in great shape to take the job back on should your old employer come calling at some point.

As for sleeping tips, I'm not that good a sleeper myself but stuff that I've heard works for others includes:

-reading a book just before bedtime instead of watching TV
-drinking warm milk or camomile tea
-meditation
-not eating a big meal too close to bedtime
-calling a friend and having a relaxing chat before bedtime
-having a bath with lavender oil in it or sprinkling a few drops of the oil on your pillows

kflee

Glad you came here to chat.
I actually gave up a full time residency at one of the best Med-Scool programs in my state. Although I have finally found piece with my decision and career now, it was hard to think that I could be working as an Orthopedic Oncology(bone cancer) specialist working in a lab on campus making 3Xs more than I make now. I had to go back to school additional 18 months to switch my career that was less income. I stay positive and know it was meant to be that way. It made me stronger, as well as realize I was in love with A more than my career, family, my pets on my farm and most important myself..
One day I will give that trust back to myself when I am RA and earn my trust back to not cheat on my RA self again.

least

Welcome to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

EverySngleNight

Hi bobster, welcome.

I tried changing literally everything before too. I was pretty sure "if only" I learned to juggle chainsaws that THEN I'd be okay. ;-) LOL NOPE... I just really needed to quit freakin' drinkin'!

I noticed that you used the term "craft beer" where you could've maybe used the word "alcohol" several times. It makes me feel like you may (unintentionally) be leaving the door open for other forms of alcohol. I just wanted to point that out as a potential red flag, just in case!

Hang in there and keep posting!

Marymacsmith

I am gong through a similar situation. I am enrolled in classes at an online university. Being off work for a month I thought, Great I get to catch up on my school work. Instead I spent the whole month in an alcoholic fog. I need to get everything done by the end of February, not going to happen, as I am back to work as off today. Long story short, I will flunk this semester. Now that I am working on my sobriety, I just hope I can pickup the pieces and stay in the program.

Bobster

Oh, I'm definitely giving up all types.

I said craft beer because that was the one I drank every day.

Bobster

If only we recognized it early, right?

Sigh.

SoberLife2014

Hey Bobster, welcome! I think you'll find a lot of similarities among the people here on SR. I know I have! Before my alcoholism got really serious I was very ambitious, and I would strive for my goals. Then I got a DUI on my very LAST day of nursing school and all that went out the window... except for the drinking. The next 6 years I found myself regressing in my career (I started out in an awesome position straight out of nursing school). I even dropped out of paramedic school because I found I'd rather drink than study or do homework. It was very humiliating for me. An ER nurse dropping out of paramedic school?

Anyway, I have been struggling lately because I'm not where I saw myself career-wise at all. A lot of it has to do with my alcoholism. But the good news is that we have an opportunity to pick up the pieces and get back on our feet! I suppose we could wallow in the fact that we screwed up and we'd be a lot further along had we not sacrificed so much to alcohol, but that would be counterproductive.

Also, we still have our experience which will make us stronger. You may feel that what you're doing right now is menial and what you could have been doing would have been better, but what experiences are you gaining that can help you in the future? For me, I know I may not have a masters degree in nursing today, but I still learned a ton from what I have been doing. I've also learned a lot about myself. Maybe it just wasn't time for us to have that big fancy job.

EverySngleNight

I think everyone here would agree that it just never works out that way, unfortunately!! It's not so much about personal failure, and more about the nature of the beast in general. I really think it's part of the cycle to getting/staying sober. SO MANY of us go through the same thing, I can't help but think it's just par for the course.

The good news is, you see it now! You're trying to make effective changes, accept help, and fix it. That's the most important thing. :-) The next important thing is to keep trying no matter what.

bigsombrero

Hi there bobster,

I have a similar experience in the job field, but I'm going to wait to share that until a later time.....because it sounds like you haven't quit yet. You say you "plan on quitting" - what's the plan? Getting your old corner office and salary back while you are an active drinker and alcoholic would probably be a nightmare. You mentioned you're impatient, and that's a common trait with many of us. Let's work on what's most important first: a plan for sobriety. Whatcha got?

Bobster

Thanks for the post. Glad to know it's not uncommon to choose to torpedo your own career with this problem.

Bobster

I am quitting immediately. If my friends ask, I'll tell them I've had plenty of craft beer and I'm sick of it. Or that I'm trying to get healthy. Or doing an experiment. I'll come up with something.

I will distract myself with exercise and some new hobbies. Maybe I'll fire up the old xbox. Been many years but it always relaxed me.

There is also an AA near me that I already visited. Going to check a couple out and go to meetings regularly.

Have also told a few select friends and family for support.

Plus, I'm posting here. :-)

Can I ask how you deal with the regret?

Bobster

I also saw a therapist and going to a few sessions.

Will always regret asking my Mom for help in early 2012 but not seeing her therapist.

Tamerua

I think once you put down the beer and start working again, you will find your path again. And learn to forgive yourself. Welcome!