browngirl

thanks for sharing. My longest period of sobriety in the past few years is about 3 months. I feel great when I'm free of ETOH. 48 hrs now.

tazzle

I applaud all who are sober for even one day, it is a start. I signed on 12/12 and while I am proud of all who have been sober for a year, to me it just highlights my failure, as I had a huge fall, note I did not say slip, in April. Every time I see the congrats and fireworks, I just think to myself that that could have been me had I been stronger. So I just stick to a 24 hour cycle. I cant change yesterday, or control tomorrow, but today is something I can control and will.

jkb

The way I see it is the journey is as important (if not more so) than the destination. Everyone will have a different journey. Some people regardless of program will get sober and stay sober with no slips, others will relapse constantly (like I used to a year ago), others may go "back out" a few times and then "get it".

So I think the date of sobriety can be a motivator not to "lose your days" (which is silly no time sober is "lost time" IMO) or if you do slip it can make you feel like "f**k it that time is gone may as well go BIG".

In the last ten and a half months I did decide to drink once. I did not choose to continue on after a few beers. The main reason was that I did not see it as all my progress being lost. I saw it as a dumb decision that I made and decided to move onward. I did not let it devastate me of change my path. However, that is just me. If for someone else the idea of "losing sober time" keeps them sober... that too is awesome.

Just my thoughts,
Jess

MiniBK

Not sure if this works. But another way to look at it is, rather than start from day 1 again after 3 months. It,s best to say I drank once over the past 3 months.

Like you said ClearMind, if one was to be sober for 3 years and then fell of the wagon for a day, it would be disastrous for them to start all that way back to day one. It would mean that their 3 years had zero value. Best to say I drank once over the past 3 years. If someone had said that to me, I would imagine the person is not really a drinker?!?!

Hope that makes sense!

KateL

Great post x

24hrsAday

i think i understand what you are saying.. however, my experience has been that i must not worry about past years (my original sober beginning was 8/89) i made it to 1-91 and drank. obviously this was a long time ago. i have a current sobriety date of 1-20-07' and One day at a time i hope to keep it going..

Threshold

I've been on SR several years and it seems to run about 50/50 as to whether or not counting days is useful.

It's a big help to some and not helpful to others.

It kept me focused on the wrong thing and I find it better not to do it. I think we each discover for ourselves which works best.

And some people don't slip up. Some people get sober and stay sober, and don't relapse etc. That differs to. For some people a slip or relapse represents the idea that they will never be able to get sober...and let themselves go. For others, it reminds us why we should never drink again and we return to recovery with deeper resolve.

My sober life means the world to me, but my sobriety date means nothing to me. That's just me.

RobbyRobot

Successful sobriety is not about days counted, and it isn't about believing its okay to have a few along the way because its a journey. When a guy quits, its either forever or its until they have their next drink. If their next drink actually happens, then they certainly didn't originally quit forever, and making it out like they did originally quit forever, they just had some "slips" along the way is being disingenuous of themselves.

When is forever not forever?

To be blunt, for those who believe that having slips is not part of their addiction experiences, but is part of their recovery experiences, they can't have it both ways. ie they would do better to say they have quit until they have their next drink rather then say they have quit forever, and if they slip, no worries, they'll just quit forever again. And again. And again.

As for slips, its not the end of the world idea, well, obviously if quitting makes sense it does so because drinking doesn't because consequences happen with drinking, and for some people who slip, that could be a serious consequence. We quit drinking because not drinking is a better way to live, not because we wanted to count days, lol.

Slips and whatever else they are called always is connected to addiction and not connected to recovery, imo. Not surprised when not everybody agrees because obviously not everybody quits forever, really, when it comes right down to it. Honestly.

trudgingagain

Having been in AA 3 times (8 years, 3 years,4 years), I really think that it is not true that I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober...but, I did drink. I definitely thought that I could "moderate" or drink like a "normal" person. But...the instillation of the fear that I would probably NEVER return was unwarranted. It was very hard to go back and identify as a "newcomer"...but I did it 3 times....always feeling like I "failed". Failed the "group", my sponsor, my friends in the group, the "program", etc. I never actually felt like a failure to myself... Felt like I didn't do something "right" (even though I worked the steps each time...and very SLOWLY...) I do believe that all of this "counting days" and sobriety "dates" is related to 12-step programs....the 30/60/90/ 6 months/9 months, birthdays, etc. All of it is based on the premise that we emotionally "shut down" to some degree when drinking, and thus, our "birthdays" are celebrated as emotional/spiritual growth. After my 3rd relapse, I got tired of focusing on the numbers....and to some degree...the shame/embarrassment, etc. of starting on day 1 again. During the 3 years I was "out", I had moved away from my home group, my sponsor, the USA. I was not accountable...maybe that played a part in me going "out"...maybe not...but when I did get sober, I also was not accountable to any one/thing. This time, I got sober for ME...I am accountable for myself. My sobriety "date" is only important in that I feel better each day, and the further away from that "date" that I get. Even in the "program"....I almost lost count of the years...there are only annual "celebrations" after the first year...I do not think that now I have "only" X amount of days of sobriety....truthfully, I have years....I have more years sober than I do have of drinking in the last 20 years...so why should I start with day 1???? I am not emotionally/spiritually more immature because I slipped/relapsed....Truth be told, I believe that this time, in sobriety, I have learned a lot and have matured a great deal...partly because I had to seek sobriety AGAIN.....Just my thoughts....

Whiterhino24

I go by my recovery date. I had a slip up and it was a learning experience and that is part of recovery. Many people can stay sober but also many of them are not in recovery.

Dee74

Its regrettable when dates become a kind of status thing cos thats not what it's about at all for me.

The only date I have control over is my own.
The 7th of April 2007 was the day I changed my life.

It has more meaning for me than my real birthday.
If I drink or get high again then that date ceases to have significance for me and I'll need a new date.

I believe relapse is part of my addiction - it's not part of my recovery.

Changing dates is not about punishing myself, it's about an accurate reflection of what happened.

I rationalised enough stuff away in my drinking days. I don't want to do that now.

D

DoubleDragons

I haven't "slipped" yet. I am at 104 days sober and this is my first attempt at sobriety. However, I do like to think that if I have a drink, I will feel comfortable and motivated to get right back on board. I know now that if I ever do drink again, it will never be the same for me, because I have these 3+ months of sobriety and working on recovery by reading and being on this board 1-2 hours every day for the last three months. I will never be able to drink "innocently" again, if that makes sense?!? So, if I did have to start back at "Day 1" due to a slip, it would still be part of the same process. You can't erase what you have learned in life, just like you can't erase further damage. We all do what we have to do to get to our ultimate goal . . . a sober, conscious, healthy life.

KateL

I don't think anyone wants to slip or is complacent to the point that they think it might be alright to have a bender, and then get back on track.(not that I've read on here anyway.) I just believe that if people fall off the wagon for whatever reason, even though they REALLY don't mean to, and alcoholism catches them off guard, they should just forgive themselves and try again, perhaps even harder.

ReadyAtLast

Please don't be lulled into a false sense of security or underestimate how truly difficult it is to get right back on board if you have a drink after a period of sobriety.

In 2012 I quit and picked up again at 6 weeks. Itold myself I'd quit once before so I could do it again easily enough. Nothing could have prepared me for actually how much harder and soul destroying it was the next time. I drank for 3 more months before quitting again. Still again at 6 weeks I picked up again. It was even harder to quit the next time. It was awful - Ifelt full of shame, fear, anger, hopelessness, regret and negative thoughts. I really thought I just couldn't stay sober.

RobbyRobot

I understand you being supportive to the very end with those who "slip" and yet when you suggest alcoholism can catch them off guard, you're really making an excuse for their behavior there, and responsibility doesn't end because someone finds themselves drinking.

I do agree nobody should berate themselves for drinking. There is no upside for crying over spilt milk, if you will. Still though, when does not having an excuse become the real deal? When does "slipping" become something that has absolutely nothing to do with success in quitting drinking? When does quitting mean quitting and we then get on with living?

I'm not really asking you personally, Kate. I admire your willingness to be supportive and to always being positively there for the next guy no matter what. No worries.

Dee74

note to self - wear glasses.
They help you see things.

My sober date is the 6th not the 7th





D

foolsgold66

I think you're ok just knowing the year Dee.

I don't really care if it's perceived as negative. Drinking when you have acknowledged you have a problem with it is failure. Failure happens regularly. It is part of life. I have years of sober time, but my sobriety date is below.

jkb

I am definitely not condoning "slipping" which is not a word I usually use (it is how it is being referred to in this thread.) I decide to drink. Period. However, I stand by all of life being a journey and sobriety for me is part of that journey. My date matters very little to me.

What matters to me most is doing my best right now and being proud of what I have accomplished... "slips" "poor decisions" and all in the past year.

I also feel that whatever helps someone stay sober for even a day is great. I could not care less if someone has ten years or ten days as long as they have NOW. JMO

Jess

KateL

For me it's because even with ten years sobriety, do I know how I would deal with something so devastating it cripples my being? I think and hope that it will never happen but no one can be sure. It's not always excuses, sometimes it's devastation and despeair. So if I ever did have a slip after all my hard work, I would be insulted if someone called it an excuse. I hate it when people slip but all I can do is encourage them to get back on track as soon as possible and not judge them.

RobbyRobot

I hear you, Jess, I don't understand you as condoning slipping, of course. Sobriety is also for me part of my journey. Still though, for me sobriety does not include any amounts of alcohol for any reason whatsoever at anytime. No means no for me. Period.

I'm proud of YOU too, and just because we have different experiences doesn't mean we don't care about others, goes without saying.