CMDONE

New to this and trying to work through what I need to do for myself. I live with AH whom I love deeply but tired of the drinking. Tired of living with stress and anxiety..tired that he doesn't see that drinking is the cause of all of his other woe's..depression, cranky, angry. Sober..He is who I fell in love with. We have great nights hanging out, watching movies,etc. I hate going to social events with him because he thinks he is the life of the party where he really is the inappropriate loud obnoxious drunk in the room. Hate going to social events withouth him, because everyone always asks where he is..How do you answer that without feeling worthless. He'd rather be in a bar then with me..but when he comes I am full of anxiety worrying about him. I want to tell him to go, so I can find some peace, but as strong as I am now, I am so sad because I worry I will miss him. Sorry, just thinking and typing.. I found some comfort in your posts..

Inca

I can imagine your frustration. I didn't realize just how my drinking had affected others in my life until the last year or so and it's pretty devastating.

I hope you can find some peace in the situation. Are you attending Al-Anon meetings? My mom has gone to a couple and I have other friends in it as well. It has really helped them come to terms with what they can and can not control and how to effectively take care of themselves. Might be worth a try.

CMDONE

No I haven't. But I heard some great things about going. I think its my next step. Thank you for sharing and good luck to you too!

Skye2

CMdone - Have you found the 'friends and family' section?

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

least

You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. I'm glad you joined us.

FreeOwl

I think Al-Anon is a great suggestion as a place to get some additional strength, insight and support.

If you haven't already done so, as you empower yourself with a bit more understanding and a supportive community, you may want to consider a heartfelt ultimatum. This may be best-timed after he's had a good bender and is feeling the despair and frustration of his own 'trap'.... if he's like me and a lot of us who have suffered from alcoholism - that time will come and during that time there is often more openness to hearing and seeing the reality of our cycle.

For now, it sounds as if you're in the stage of finally feeling you're at an end of your ability to continue carrying the pain and anxiety of being in relationship with a person who sounds like he is plagued with the burden of alcoholism - and you're in the stage of learning what that really means. I'd encourage you to continue learning, getting support and caring for YOU. What to 'do' about it will come to you as you do so - because as you focus on what you need to do in your own happiness and path, it will become clear.

Hang in there and it sounds like you love him and are in pain and the hope I will offer you is that in my experience and observation of many other stories... that man you love is still there. It's the sickness of alcohol that is holding him back.

DoneStumblin

I didn't realize how badly my alcoholism had affected my husband and our relationship, I was drunk. I am just now coming out of the fog and seeing it. For years I have put my love for alcohol before my love for my husband. I am trying to climb out of that. My husband said to me the other day, "I have missed your laugh" as I was talking and laughing with him over something. It caught me off guard. I gave him a puzzled look, and he tells me I haven't heard you laugh for real in a long time. That hit my heart heavy. For years I have not been the woman he fell in love with, because I have chosen alcohol over my relationship. I am lucky to have such a loving, supportive husband. It is very hard to love someone through a storm that is brewing inside them. He sent me the picture that is now my avatar picture here the other day, it sent me into tears.

"I saw that you were perfect and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more."

I hope your husband can find the strength he needs one day to wake up and make a change before it's too late. I am thankful I awoke and am trying.