Felt good/feeling down
 

[I]So I went to a meeting tonight and it was a great meeting. It was a call on meeting and I heard a lot of great stories tonight. So after 3rd of 4th person sharing a girl called on me. I started talking and sharing soome of my life and story about my alcoholism.

Once I was done talking I couldn't help but feel sad about my alcoholism. I know I shouldn't but I do. Even as I type this my eyes are getting watery because of the destruction I've caused for myself and family. Now I have great support from my family and my dad even goes with me to some of my meetings and some of my family go to family night where I'm going to my treatment. So I don't know why I feel the way I do knowing that they have forgiving me and and want me to continue on the good path I have gone one.

After the meeting the gentlemen who chaired tonight stood up and looked at me and said thank you for sharing. That came from the heart I could feel it when you talked... Hearing him say this meant the world to me because in my heart I am truly trying to do the right thing by staying sober and I have for 36 days now.

So where do these feelings come from I ask? I know I'm doing good and on the right path, I know that I have people who love me and want to see nothing but good for me, I call my sponsor on the nights I don't see him at meetings, I go to treatment faithfully and get everything I can out of it...

Just feeling lost tonight.... But one thing is for sure.... I will not look at the bottle.... I am going to talk to my higher power and hope that I can change these feelings.

Thanks for listening everyone!
DBJ

I can relate to the feelings you are having. Some days I am on top if the world and so proud of myself for how far I've come. Other days I get sad that I'm an alcoholic with a "disease" that I will have for the rest of my life and that I will be going to AA meetings forever to get my dose of "medicine". Especially when I am around others who are drinking, I tend to get uneasy about being an alcoholic.

I try to remember the positive aspects of being an alcoholic such as the opportunity to truly change my life. The opportunity to know what it's like to go to hell and come back. The realization of how good it feels to give and help others. I think everyone could benefit from a 12 step program in life regardless of who they are. We alcoholics get this opportunity to develop purpose in our lives. When I think of how grateful I am I usually snap out of the self pity party in a couple of hours.

Thanks for sharing Inca, I currently just worked my 4th and 5th step with the Chaplin where I'm going to treatment at. This really opened my eyes to my/our disease and really made me realize that I am an alcoholic and it's very hard to swallow at times.

Since I've worked the 1st step and admitted that I was powerless... and started going to AA I have seen, heard a lot and know that I'm not the only one with this disease. I usually feel good when I leave a meeting but for whatever reason the emotions just took over me... I suppose this is a normal feeling that we all get at one time or another and maybe it's just my higher power saying to me it's going to be okay or saying to lets let out all the wrong and start fresh... The Chaplin told me not to long ago that it's okay to cry, It cleanses the body and it's the body way of healing.

Maybe it's a sign and I'm just not seeing it just yet......

DBJ

You know, life is all about 'ups and downs' and although we'd all love to walk around happy-clappy all the time, chances are if we were wandering around with permanent cheesy grins - we'd get locked in the mental hospital or arrested.
Keep doing what you're doing - you're doing great!! As time goes on, your emotions will level out and you won't get all the highs and lows you're experiencing now.
I also think that we are all a little 'lost' after all the hype and excitement of Christmas and the New Year especially if you're somewhere where the weather is nasty.

You're doing great! I only went to AA a handful of times - have nothing against it, it's just a distance from me and hard to get to - but not once did I open my mouth in a meeting, other than to say 'No thanks, I'll just listen' - You have done so well already :)

Xx