Originally Posted by alphaomega

This is surreal.

I remember during one if my most horrific hangovers, thinking while I couldn't catch my breath between dry heaves, with the bitter taste in my mouth that only stomach bile procures, I am dying. This one, of all of the hundreds before, was going to be the one that finally took me. With the sheer agony or anxiety and doom that is a side dish to the main course of ones body shutting down from being poisoned, I laid there and waited for death.

At my own hands.

As depressed as I had the right to be, given the life circumstances I was faced with, I never actually wanted to die. What I wanted more than anything, but I just could not figure out how to get there, was to live. To REALLY live. To embrace this experience, with all it's foibles and follies, and jump in and participate with all the vigor I dedicated to drinking.

I just couldn't figure out how.

And then I remembered about SR. And decided that maybe this would be my beacon. And what a lighthouse it is.

It has saved my life.

I have saved my life.

You can save your life.

If you happen to stumble across this, still drinking and consumed with fear and dread and hopelessness, we were you. We understand the despair, the not knowing how you will survive, the pain that accompanies alcohell. It is a bottomless pit that will take everything you have, and then put you further in its debt months and years later as you try to dig out from its clutches. It won't get better so long as you continue to give it power and fuel.

But when you make the decision to finally beat this, you absolutely can. It is nothing more than not picking up. And once you put down the bottle, everything slowly starts to come back to the light.

But it must be a non-negotiable.
It's all or nothing.

Ninety days of freedom today.

Some days so difficult all I could do was post a thread and wait on everyone's response minute by minute. Most days so truly joyful, that I honestly didn't conceptualize that the life experience could feel like this.

Heartfelt gratitude to this oasis.

Im free.