The only thing keeping me sober today is my 9 year old daughter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 377
The only thing keeping me sober today is my 9 year old daughter.
Seriously, I want to drink so badly. I am going through some pretty rough emotional stuff and I want to numb myself for a little bit. What I don't want is to see the hurt and disappointment in my child's eyes. She believes in me, and I am trying so hard to believe in myself.
I keep playing my last drunk in my head and keep telling myself it will be different this time. We all know it won't, but I can't help but to think maybe it will.
Thanks for listening.
I keep playing my last drunk in my head and keep telling myself it will be different this time. We all know it won't, but I can't help but to think maybe it will.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
You are right, it wont be different. It could be worse.
I remain sober for my kids, and me.
I lost 5 years of my daughter growing up that i can never get back, i pray my soberiety makes up for that.
Keep going, call a friend(sponsor), get support.
You cant do it alone.
I remain sober for my kids, and me.
I lost 5 years of my daughter growing up that i can never get back, i pray my soberiety makes up for that.
Keep going, call a friend(sponsor), get support.
You cant do it alone.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Anchorbird, you can beat this.
There is no happy ending where drink is concerned. Whatever your going through, will still be there numb or not, only you will have your little girls dissapointment as well as feeling guilty tomorrow to contend with. In addition, you will feel like a drink even more tomorrow.
You were very kind to offer kind words to me, when I was going through a bad patch, I was not at the place I am now, to really take them on board.
Drink is not a solution, its just another added problem, you don't need.
There is no happy ending where drink is concerned. Whatever your going through, will still be there numb or not, only you will have your little girls dissapointment as well as feeling guilty tomorrow to contend with. In addition, you will feel like a drink even more tomorrow.
You were very kind to offer kind words to me, when I was going through a bad patch, I was not at the place I am now, to really take them on board.
Drink is not a solution, its just another added problem, you don't need.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Anchorbird,
Sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. Thank you, for caring about your little girl, and for yourself, enough to reach out and share your honest feelings. You can do this. People do,every day, resist the lies that alcohol tell.
Alcohol is a liar-promising escape. That drink is truly the door to He!!, and brings the whole family in to visit and hurt and ruin lives.
As an adult child of an A mom and dad, I just say thank you, for caring about your little girl. I wish mine had quit for me and my two little sisters.
You are doing this.. you can do it. Some things in life hurt a lot, that is part of life. but together, you and your little girl can get through it, to better, happier days. Life is good, even with the bad times.
best wishes to you, keep posting!
chicory
Sorry you are going through a rough patch right now. Thank you, for caring about your little girl, and for yourself, enough to reach out and share your honest feelings. You can do this. People do,every day, resist the lies that alcohol tell.
Alcohol is a liar-promising escape. That drink is truly the door to He!!, and brings the whole family in to visit and hurt and ruin lives.
As an adult child of an A mom and dad, I just say thank you, for caring about your little girl. I wish mine had quit for me and my two little sisters.
You are doing this.. you can do it. Some things in life hurt a lot, that is part of life. but together, you and your little girl can get through it, to better, happier days. Life is good, even with the bad times.
best wishes to you, keep posting!
chicory
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Same thing happened to me. My daughter wrote a piece about it. I'll see if I can find it x
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by KateL 
Same thing happened to me. My daughter wrote a piece about it. I'll see if I can find it x
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 377
Originally Posted by KateL
Same thing happened to me. My daughter wrote a piece about it. I'll see if I can find it x
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Here tis. I think this part of her story is relevant to you x I hope it helps x
Up until a few years ago, I would still be afraid when my dad went away, or when Mum was eating anything minty. Whenever she had promised to stop before, she would for a while, but usually went back to drink when things became difficult. I always believed, or hoped, she was telling the truth and wouldn’t drink again, but she’d let me down so many times. So when she stopped, I was wary at first. But after a while, I could trust her and it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She had stopped at last and this time it was forever. My childhood was a good one some of the time and we got to live in another country and learn their language. Anyway, all that has happened taught me ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stonger.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I know you're going through a lot and I know sometimes facing our emotional baggage can be quite overwhelming! A few months back I went through what you're going through I woke up looked at my life and realized **** I'm ******* miserable! I'm not happily married and I'm in do much pain. I overwhelmed myself with thinking that since it all dawned on me at once .... Then I must fix it all at once. You don't have to anchor!!!! It's ok to put some of what is hurting you on the back burner to take the time to just work on you. When mommy's truly happy somehow everything's ok and safe for our kids!
These feelings will pass, I know for me when a drinking trigger is brought on by an emotional response, I need to take a breather, literally and figuratively. Take it easy on yourself today.
These feelings will pass, I know for me when a drinking trigger is brought on by an emotional response, I need to take a breather, literally and figuratively. Take it easy on yourself today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I have a 9 year old daughter, too. I don't want to teach her to use alcohol to deal with her problems. I have an alcoholic mother, so I know how how painful that is, even as an adult. I can't stand the idea of inflicting that kind of pain on her. We can do this. We have to, for our precious girls.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I do not have advice, but am gaining support from reading this thread and the comments. I have 14yo and 10yo children. They, so far, have not been troubled by my drinking habits, but my daughter notices my better moods and "light" when I am sober.
My own mother was an angry drunk and very verbally abusive when drunk, and also drove us around, sometimes, when she was drunk. I recall terrifying rides to go get my brother from his school, her crossing the dividing lines on the road.
So, while I have avoided those same mistakes with my kids, I have made my own unique ones, which still have robbed me of precious time where I should have been more fully present for them. I think it is helpful in recovery to focus on setting good examples for our children when it is all we can grasp. Though, I also believe we need to do it for ourselves. As others have said, we need to love ourselves first, in order to share that love.
Stay strong. You will regret drinking. There is never any regrets in not drinking. I think of this often when I feel weak.
My own mother was an angry drunk and very verbally abusive when drunk, and also drove us around, sometimes, when she was drunk. I recall terrifying rides to go get my brother from his school, her crossing the dividing lines on the road.
So, while I have avoided those same mistakes with my kids, I have made my own unique ones, which still have robbed me of precious time where I should have been more fully present for them. I think it is helpful in recovery to focus on setting good examples for our children when it is all we can grasp. Though, I also believe we need to do it for ourselves. As others have said, we need to love ourselves first, in order to share that love.
Stay strong. You will regret drinking. There is never any regrets in not drinking. I think of this often when I feel weak.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
My daughter told me to get help. She now is drinking too much. I wasn't much of an example. Get it right for your little precious ones.
You can get through this. Do if for all the children. Do it for us drunks still out there.
Kris47
You can get through this. Do if for all the children. Do it for us drunks still out there.
Kris47
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I think your daughter is reason enough for today. Some days are not rainbows and ******* Unicorns. Some days are terribly hard and we hold onto anything, something.... Today, your reason for sobriety is your daughter. This is good enough. Tomorrow, it may be for the sunshine, or for the grass that needs tending. Being sober is the point. Good work. Posting when times are rough shows that you are changing the behavior. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 55
Do it for yourself. The rest will fall into place. Worrying about letting others down, I feel, can lead to extra stress which we all know makes us want to use more. I've never put myself first, ever. I have a five year old daughter who I've undoubtedly let down more than I'd like to admit. The strength to not use has to come from within yourself, FOR YOU. Once you can find that strength, which I'm also still searching for, you will never again see the disappointment in your child's eyes.
Xoxo you're in my prayers. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Xoxo you're in my prayers. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 377
Thank you all SO MUCH. Although I am still struggling through my day, I have some hope I will make it through sober. I have a terrible headache right now and 4 hours left at work, but I can do this!!!
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