padawanxox

Hello SR family.

I've been a little MIA, but knew that if I had a question such as this, I'd find my best answers here.

I'm finding myself taking things personally in my meetings; Whether it's directed towards me or not. Having people always assume because I "look young" that I'm sort of less than? Because I don't have a year+ that I'm still a "Newcomer". This can be SO FRUSTRATING & DISHEARTENING, because I know that I know nothing, but I ALSO KNOW THIS: I HAVE 55 DAYS CLEAN & SOBER. WHICH IS A RECORD FOR ME SINCE I PICKED UP AT 14.

I am hoping to get some reinforcement or just any help so that I can get myself out of this funk of feeling "less than". Or how I can look at it differently????
I mean, what would the point of 30, 60, 90 day tags be if not to realize: HEY, I'M MAKING PROGRESS… Don't count me out because it's not 19 years…


Thanks for reading thus far & I'm open to any advice you guys may have <3 Much love & Congrats to those that have stayed clean today… And for those that may have slipped, TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY - TAKE IT, IT'S YOURS xox.

lauren25

I am on the younger side and felt this way back at meetings when I was 21... Alcoholism does not discriminate by age, gender, race, ect. Keep up the good work! I'm only 3 days sober right now but feeling that with the help of others and the will to overcome this addiction I will get through this. 55 days is HUGE! I can't wait to reach that point. xox

PurpleKnight

Hey padawanxox, 55 Days is fantastic!!

I don't personally attend meetings, so others will be able to give you some specific advice on things, but I think in every walk of life, some people want to feel better about themselves by comparing themselves to others, so whether comments are directed at you or people do it without realising, I wouldn't waste too much energy on it!!

You can hold your head high for what YOU have achieved!!

Dee74

Not sure if you feel this applies but this is my experience

as a drinker and for a few months after, I found myself easily offended and hurt too.
I had a lot of resentments.

Looking back I think I found my validation in others, based on how I perceived people treated me.

The longer I stayed sober I got a better idea of who I was....so I didn't need that external validation anymore?

safe2breathe

have you been working/worked the steps?
there may be some answers in them for you ... the best you can do is dont take it personally... easier said than done right now i know... and im sorry for that ... i actually prefer newcomer meetings - sometimes the newest person brings the best point or exactly what i needed to hear ...

talk to your sponsor/or someone - about what exactly youre taking personal ... often for me - id tell my sponsor something and theyd offer advice or whatever - and i would say ... hmmf - good to have a sponsor, i wouldnt have thought of that.

if you need to talk you know where to find us -- sometimes just venting like you did is all you need - who knows.

JaylaaKent

Most people in recovery rooms (NA/AA) consider anyone with less than 5 years a "newcomer". Seems like most of your life you have used something to cover emotions and dealing with things. Using from a young age can also contribute to stunted social growth. In the rooms we are also learning (in a safe environment) how to assimilate into sober society. That means dealing with people (idiots, nice, offensive, polite, etc) and knowing how to handle it.

LadyinBC

Always remember, what others think of you or your time is none of your business. Your recovery is your business alone. The important thing is do you feel you are making progress? Are you proud of yourself? That is really all that matters. Not what everyone else thinks.

You don't need people to count you in or out. You count yourself in and be proud of yourself. It is your opinion of you that is important.

And congrats on 55 days!

Anna

Know that your recovery is your own, and it's not for someone else to judge. Have faith that you have been sober for 55 days and you are on your way. It's irrelevant what anyone else thinks of you. It took me awhile to have enough self-esteem to believe in myself, but once I did, recovery became easier.

padawanxox

That was so brilliant - Thank you x 10000000

justinJustQuit

I had to search a LOOONNNNNGGGG time for the right AA meeting. I'm 26 so I got the same looks

NoJimmy

I agree with what Anna and Dee said, you're there for help not approval. This journey we're all on is very personal to each of us, we involved to share stories and help one another, but we fight alone. Your battle is no less important than mine or the guy with 19 years.
I also agree that if the long timers at the group you attend aren't interested to listen to the short timers, maybe it's not the right group. I have heard several long timers at my group say they need to stay connected and listen to the new folks so they never forget where they came from. It's their loss if they miss that point and look down their nose at you.

Pipping

55 days is fantastic, you are doing so well.

Mags1

Congratulations padawanxox, on 55 days, that's marvellous, keep up the good work xx

Bender

I am not in AA but I spent 5 years in AA when I was in my mid 20's and I can relate to how you feel. But if you spend any time in a particular meeting you see a lot of people come and go, new and old, and I think that has an affect on people that have alot of time going to the same meeting. I don't think anyone can be truley successful in sobriety if they are worried about what other people think. For me the opportunity for judgement is always there. Every dinner party...their judging me because I don't drink. Every AA meeting....their judging me because I don't have enough time. Every family function....their judging me because they know I am in recovery and I threw up in the front yard last Christmas. The reality is alot of it is perception and if you get bothered by what you percieve is being directed at you it shows in your attitude towards others which then turns people off and now your perception has become your reality. I try not to get hung up on what I think others think of me because I really don't know what's going on in their head. And frankly I don't really care.

Congrats on 55 days.

Kevin78

I'm not active in AA. Everyone should be treated the same, We all have the same illness. Remember 24 hrs is a record everyday. Why not try another meeting if you have any in your area. When I did go, I do not remember being treated any differently tbh. If I did, I wouldn't be hanging around there.

sugarbear1

I took everything personally until I worked through those steps, specifically steps 4-7. Then I had a new perspective on everything.

That shyness I had all of my life? Self centered fear at it's extreme! Who knew??!

KateL

Congrats on 55 days x

Notmyrealname

On a bit of an unrelated point, lavender italic font is pretty tough to make out.

- my eyes