What is wrong with me?
 

I was doing well Monday. Last night I was on autopilot and bought wine on the way home. I had 2 glasses. I am really disappointed in myself. I seem to have no resolve. It is easier for me when I've been to an AA meeting but there just are not many meetings here. I have the step meeting tomorrow and I'll go to that.

I would like to know how those of you who don't go to AA got and stay sober. I know there must be alternatives. I just don't know what they are. I want to keep going to AA but since there are so few meetings in my area it seems like I need all the additional resources I can get.

Thank you.

The thing that works for me is this.

8am - wake up
9am - take Son to nursery.
9:15 - drink a cup of coffee and 2 slices of buttered toast.
10am - drink a cup of nettle tea while working from home.
10-am - 1pm work then have some chips for lunch.
2pm until 5pm work and come on SR.
5pm pick up Son from Nursery.
5pm - Eat evening meal.
6pm - Go to Gym and run for about 30mins. Sit in Sauna and talk to friends made at the gym there. (No drinking at all).
10pm - Come home and spend an hour talking to Wife, seeing how her days has done, maybe have cuddle.
11pm - Come on SR and read and post.
1am (Watch the news and drink a cup of Jasmine Green Tea).
1:30 Go to bed.

Repeat as necessary. No Alcohol involved. Obviously adapt as necessary.
I found sitting around trying not to think about drinking, wasn't benefiting me much, doing things, where alcohol isn't part of the equation was the key.

Generally, people who go to gyms, tend not to drink and so they talk about anything, but you never or rarely here them talking about getting destroyed or having a cigarette. You need to a find a workable solution, that you can live with.

Hi, my last drink was on August 31 and I have only used SR for my recovery. For me, I just decided that this was it, I wanted to stop the insanity. Just don't drink today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. Early on the concept of "forever" is overwhelming. I read and post on here as much as possible. Seeing people in the same situation has been very helpful to me. Another thing is to accept that you have a problem and having a couple glasses of wine will not solve it. My AV tells me that an ice cold glass of beer would taste great but I have never stopped at one in my life. I stop drinking when I run out.

Agreed, exercise helps but I trained for a marathon during my active alcoholic days. The bottom line is that we all need to want to quit for it to happen. My wife wanted me to quit for a long time, but it took until I was sick of being sick and tired for me to quit. Now I look forward to getting back to the exercise and see some positive results, sans alcohol :Squat:

I should mention that I am also an exercise addict and exercise daily. If I have to miss a day I absolutely freak. In some ways it wrecks more havoc on my life than alcohol! I've destroyed both knees from my exercise addiction and will have both knees replaced before I am 50.

Writing this I feel like a lunatic. Sorry.

I have used books and SR as my recovery tools and for me, it's worked very well. I have said many times, I think it's more about the motivation, than the specific program. One thing I did in early recovery was to change my routines. Why don't you try driving home a different way so you don't automatically stop for wine on the way home? Stay focused and make a plan to get through each day. :)

You MUST intervene before this occurs. You are not unconscious. The relapse happens well before the actual drink is taken. Don't let your addiction hijack your recovery.

How you intervene...there are any number of techniques. Did you pick up any numbers at the AA meeting? Someone you can call when you feel your resolve waning? If you are going to forgo AA, there are still ways...but you are going to have to lean on your resolve and that's what you say is weakening. Read up on AVRT and Rational Recovery, see if something clicks.

I have plenty of T-shirts. :thanks

I had help in getting (and staying) sober from my addiction counselor and this site. Been working for over four years now. And I used to think I was hopeless...:)

For me it's been mainly this website that I turn to when I have doubts. You can generally get very quick responses for help in the forums, and there are almost always people in the live chatroom too. Basically you need to somehow interrupt your normal pattern of turning to alcohol by default and using other alternatives to cope with life. Coming here is one option. Calling numbers from your AA group is another. AVRT is a self paced recovery method you can read about here in the secular forum along with others.

Over time cravings become much less pronounced too, how far along are you in your recovery?

I just decided I had had enough! I didn't want to drink anymore. It feels so much better to wake up NOT hungover, than to be hungover.
I desire my sober life more than drinking. It feels good when you are drinking, but in the am...not so much!

sounds like you entertained the thought of drinking
thus
you drank
we learn with time not to entertain those thoughts

a man is what he thinkith

Mountainman

I like the idea of mapping out your day so you always have something scheduled to do that doesn't involve alcohol. This concept was really foreign to me at first. I'm not a list person and lived my days by impulse which always got me in trouble. When people told me to fill my days from morning to night so I wore myself out and didn't think of drinking I was like huh? What would that even look like? Developing some structure though did help make sure I didn't veer towards the liquor store coming home from work or spend nights on my couch drinking.

Exercise has also been good for me. Was tough at first to get started but now that I feel better it's easier to get the thought of drinking out of my mind because I have a goal and I know that drinking would completely inhibit me from achieving it. Once I started seeing positive changes mentally and physically, the choice between drinking and my current mental and physical state became a lot easier. My whole world opened up and I find myself asking, "why would I give this up?"

There's nothing wrong with you thats not wrong with the rest of us 2b:)

For years, once I had the impulse 'drink'...it happened.
I did not question it, I did not stop myself, many times I felt like I was on autopilot too.

To stay sober I needed to break that impulse/reaction cycle.

I needed to learn to reach out for help - and to forego that drink.

It's hard - a part of you will HATE it - but it needs to be done.

You can do it - we all can.

Even when I was on autopilot there's a moment when the spell breaks...reach out, call someone, post here...you can break the cycle and make better different decisions 2B:)

If you want change, make changes :)

D

Dee74 & Anna (and other mods and admin), thank you so much for providing a place where we can feel safe to post our feelings without judgement. The work you are doing is changing and saving lives and is very important. I would just like to take the opportunity to say a VERY BIG THANK YOU.

I relapsed enough to know my mind before I was finally committed. Most of my relapses were because 1) I knew I could and didn't care about the consequences 2)Hated my life and was too afraid to face fixing the things that made me hate it. Currently I'm doing AA meetings, SR, books, recovery tapes, & psychiatrist (addiction specialist) - haven't really found the right mix. I think we have to push through a point of sobriety where we are past the "craving" and can move to the "healing" - whatever helps you get to that point is what works for you.

Completely agree. Thats what they say works, take it a day at a time.

You can also come here for support. Post before you go out and drink. There are also chat meetings here Tues and Fridays 9:00 EST. Extra support is ALWAYS here, there is always someone on.

use the tools they tell you to use... get a sponsor, get sober contacts, work the steps, call someone before you decide to drink.... DONT DRINK- your wellbeing depends on it.


I say it like this bc i was the same way and this is how i changed...

I have been there and done it...the compulsion, I understand, I dont even know who that woman was that would drive to the bottle shop....

Every action and feeling is preceded by a thought.

Its true, try getting a game plan, even a mantra to circumvent the thoughts. Tell your AV you are running your life now. Reach out for help. Check out the secular section on this site.