autan

I have been reading and posting more than usual today because I find it helps me in my sobriety to be around others going through the same problems as me and encouraging them and them me too.

I have accepted that I must never drink alcohol again, to do so would cost me my family, business and health. The price of drinking is too high.

I absolutely hate the fact that I am an Alcoholic. I want to be able to enjoy a drink and not get destroyed. But theres no point getting all bent out of shape about it. I am what I am, to deny it and drink would be nothing short of suicide.

I have began a short course of hypnotherapy using music, whereby I associate alcohol as bleach. No one in their right mind, would drink bleach, no matter how hard their mind told them, they needed to drink it.

I have drank so hard in my life, that I have developed and under-active thyroid and may be on the verge of hormone replacement therapy for the rest of my life.

My Wife, has seen how hard I have tried and isn't giving up on me, in fact without her delicate support, I wouldn't have made it this far.

So if I submitted to having that first drink again, it would cost me my marriage, my family, my home and because I am pretty useless drunk, would cost me my livelihood. I have had suicidal thoughts before and I can see, that I would probably take my own life.

My battle with Alcohol Addiction hasn't been an easy one and I don't suppose it ever is for anybody.

I smoked heavily from 1994 - 2010, I gave up because my Wife didn't want me to smoke around a new born baby. I agree and after several attempt, I have been free of cigarettes for 4 years now, with no thoughts at all of smoking.

I am looking forward to being 4 years free of alcohol and not even thinking about wanting a drink. It will happen, its up to me to make it happen.

Markus100

I am in the same situation , quit four months ago

Got into a mess , destroyed relationships and my work deteriorated etc
for me i think the way to quit is just just put it in the past and move on
if we think about alcohol it weakens you and can creep back in
like law of attraction.

gl i think your serious and will do it !

SoberMama13

If I never take the first drink today,
I will never drink
Because it is always today...

ClearMind

Great post, autan. Alcohol is a poison, so it is really not a far fetched analogy to compare it to bleach. It's an attractively packaged poison in which we have been programmed to drink over generations. It's a drug, and a drug that is no different from another drug like heroin, except in that it is socially acceptable. I don't feel it is the fault of the addict to fall into this trap, I feel that it is because this drug is so addictive that it will catch you and destroy everything in your life if you don't realize it for what it is - a terrible poison that we, as humans, have no business drinking in the first place. It provides no benefits. It doesn't make us more social, less anxious, more confident. It has no health benefits. How can it? It's poison, and on molecular level, it decimates our cells like a steam roller. That's why our body gets thrown into overdrive the immediate moment alcohol is introduced into our blood streams. The body has to rid itself of this poison. We wouldn't go and drink ethanol would we? We wouldn't go and drink bleach. What's the difference? It's all marketing.

Lifewillgetbet

I had to sign a contract at work that if I relapse again, they can automatically dismiss me.
Great ah? I have put on some fantastic performances here before. Plus this job pays me a ridiculously high salary.
Booze is straight up kind of grossing me out lately.

Mentium

Great post Autan, but you do seem to be making it very hard work for yourself if I may say so. You are putting so much effort into fighting against that desire to drink 'normally' that perhaps you are forgetting that sobriety will bring you freedom, clear mind and a better life!

Perhaps I am reading too much into your post, but remember stopping drinking can be an exit from hell too!

Dee74

I remember the fight I had in my first thirty days especially. I did not underestimate my task.

Later on, I widened my focus from just not drinking to improving myself and my life, but I think you're doing great autan

D

jdooner

Has alcohol ever been a positive in your life. In other words has anything been improved after one or twenty drinks? Just curious what alcohol has made better for you?

Iluvdisney

If you don't mind me asking did your Dr tell you the drinking contributed to your Thyroid issue?

safe2breathe

hey Autan - guess what... You are in good company... if you need anything please let us know.

thekl0wn

Acceptance was a key factor in my turning point to happiness... Once I accepted that I couldn't take that first drink, I was able to focus on the bigger picture. Sure, every now and then my alcoholic brain will see something and remind me that I would enjoy a drink, but then I remember where that would lead me in a short period of time... Embarrassed... Remorseful... Injured... The hospital... Jail... The morgue.

In acceptance, I found hope.

keithj

This will be an awesome way of finding out if you're powerless over alcohol or not, autan. If it works, then it's a done deal and you've done an excellent thing. If it doesn't work, you may find what a few million AA members have found to be true for them, that 'the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.' Either way there is a solution for you. Best of luck to you.

autan

He said I have multiple health problems that can be associated with drinking to excess. In Doctors speak "Yes".

autan

I do not desire to drink at all. Before Christmas, I was desiring to drink normally and that ended in disaster. That time has passed now. I am only looking forward into getting on with my life, alcohol free.

autan

Nothing positive about alcohol comes to mind. It has been a Royal pain in the bum really, I think.

autan

This is very encouraging, thank you.

Mags1

Hi Autan don't forget those strong sure baby steps they get you where you want to be x

freshstart57

This sounds awesome Autan, congratulations on finding the spirit that still remains to make this commitment to yourself, and your family's future. Don't listen to anyone that says that your success in choosing sobriety has anything at all to do with your degree of addiction. That's a mugs' game, designed to lead you back to that silly place where you say, Hey watch this - I'm just gonna have one.

Believe in yourself and your ability, that you deserve this life without addiction, and you shall have it. Onward!

PurpleKnight

Great stuff autan!! . . . Keep pushing through!!

jdooner

I sort of figured that would be the answer, as it is universal it seems. So it does not matter if your an alcoholic or hating yourself for not being able to drink.

You are choosing not to drink bc it does nothing good for you at all. This is something I am sort of going through...turning a negative perspective and flipping it positively. You might find more success staying sober this way.

Good luck!