butterfly33

I'm on Day 5 and doing quite well. Reading around on here earlier triggered some thoughts which alarmed me. Can I stay sober forever? Will I ever stop missing alcohol. Will I resent others who can drink. What about the future when I have fewer responsibities? Maybe I'll meet a guy. Will I never be able to enjoy a nice glass of red in front of the fire with him? A glass of champagne at my daughters wedding. A funny, boozy weekend away with the girls? A cold beer at a family BBQ?

As these thoughts ran through my mind, the AV had her running shoes on sprinting alongside them. The voice, cackling like witch laughed "Who are you kidding, you're not strong enough to spend the rest of your days resisting temptation. You're a social creature, you love a drink. Everyone drinks. It's fine. You might as well stop fighting it and just have a drink whenever you want one."

For a couple of minutes I was had. I'm so glad that there is no booze in my house. I'm feeling scared and feeling vulnerable about the future - the near future and the far away future. I don't want to be a drunk but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life fighting and struggling to stay sober and resisting temptation.

For now, I'm trying to take it one say at a time.

BillinSaratoga

Butterfly - You have it correct! One day at a time. As many have told me here at SR... nothing is better when your drunk. That's one of the thoughts I use to keep the days counting. Your doing great! don't let that AV get her way.

Freshperspective14

Butterfly, I can relate. I can fathom the thought of not drinking for a day...though I haven't accomplished that particular feat in years...but the thought of never being able to drink in a "healthy" way again terrifies me.

Dee74

We live our lives one day at a time - it makes sense for me to try and think of recovery in the same way

The longer I've been sober the less of a chore it is - you'll be ok Butterfly33

D

PurpleKnight

Don't even go into that cleaver trap!!

All that is important is TODAY, stay sober, get to the end of TODAY, and tomorrow will be a new TODAY!!

autan

The fact is at the moment your sober. Here are some possibilities to your questions.

Will I never be able to enjoy a nice glass of red in front of the fire with him? Could you stop at one glass ? I know I can't. That would wreck any possible relationship.

A glass of champagne at my daughters wedding. No one would notice you had a glass of orange juice or lemonade or even non-alcoholic wine. The point is, you would be invited to the wedding.

A cold beer at a family BBQ? Sainsburys, Tesco, Asda and many many more supermarkets have some very good non-alcoholic alternatives, I really enjoyed an non alcoholic beer in a previous attempt to quit drinking in the summer. My friends didnt even notice.

A funny, boozy weekend away with the girls? Now I left answer until last. The answer in short is, it is incompatible with a sober lifestyle. The answer is no.

Drinking really does ruin lives and kill people. You are seizing the chance to get sober, you AV wants to imprison you in a world, where you can do whatever you want on its terms. Its funny, I never here the AV the next day, except when its says how I am going to stop drinking. You can continue to live like that. Its insane.

freshstart57

As for those thoughts your AV was throwing at you, you could have a boozy weekend with your friends, true, but it would stop being funny, or fun, real fast. If you are like me, you can never enjoy a 'beer' - what about the rest of the case? Or that champagne, just leave the bottle here, and we know how that goes. That dead soldier needs a buddy, whaddya say? No, what that AV was offering was false. Fibber fibber fibber.

I learned to 'sit' with my AV. Recognize the heck out of it, in all its aspects, including its lies and powerlessness. It cannot move a single one of my muscles, nor can it make a single decision for me. It is not me and I know this for true simply because I, through my rational brain, made that decision to quit. This desire comes from my pleasure seeking brain, not my rational brain. It cares absolutely nothing about me, it will burn everything I value in front of my eyes for just one more drink. My rational brain is in control - I am in control, simply because I say so.

You don't have to spend the rest of your life debating your AV and worrying about the future. You have absolute control over what you do in this present moment, and that is all that really matters because that is the only time when anything happens. You can decide to never 'now' drink.

You can do this, Butterfly. Believe that you can, and you will. Onward!

Anna

Butterfly, you won't have to struggle like this forever. It's going to be much easier. I toasted my daughter at her wedding, and my son at his wedding, with a glass of water and both occasions were unbelievably happy days.

Done_With_It

One day at a time got me to 8 years off of meth.
I literally counted the seconds and minutes at one point.

The struggle will be one of the best journeys of your life.

Glad to see you posting, I had to post almost every hour the first few months.

you can do this........... <3

Notimetoloose

I can relate as well.

I also have had that lovely relaxing, refreshing, romantic, celebratory, dinner, let of steam, escape drink that didn't turn into a disaster on the day....
but for me what it did was open the gates for me to continue and progress to a place where it is very hard to close the gates again and usually with some awful consequences.

When we are drinkers, it appears like almost everyone are drinkers, but we see what we want to see...Lots and lots of people don't drink for all sorts of reasons and they have wonderful fulfilling lives.....
For me, I have done enough field research to realize I don't need to do any more testing.

Thepatman

It Awesome that you are acknowledging the AV tough pattern. Now it's about continuing to practice recognizing it, separating yourself from it.
See it as a completely different entity than the real you.

As freshstart says, the rational you. The brain behind your life business operations, the one that make decisions. The big boss. The AV is that never happy employee that keeps complaining, never enough pay, job is too hard, stress is to much to handle, to many conflicting priorities etc.

MattyBoy

In time I'm sure you will see many, many benefits to leading a sober life and eventually I'm sure you'll reach a stage where you can do all the things that you thought you had to have a drink to enjoy, completely sober. In the meantime, just focus on today and what's the best thing you can do for yourself today. If the answer is to not drink, then stay away from it. Besides, alcohol must have caused you some difficulty and grief if you've made the decision to quit so how about remember some of the pain it caused next time you start thinking how nice it might be to have 'a nice glass of red in front of the fire' .....

Aellyce

I relate to this thought pattern a lot. I also often feel nostalgic for my far past when I seemed to enjoy all those things without harsh consequences, my youth... And sometimes feel angry that I can't have these experiences anymore like many others even at my age (I'm 39). But the truth is, we have huge differences as individuals. Similarities as well, but it's not wise to ignore our own nature especially once we've understood it truthfully.

I like to think about it this way now: yes I can't drink or else life will be misery. But there are many many things I am and can do, that others cannot, and I'm trying to force myself to shift focus on these...

Stay strong, you had it right when you decided to quit!

CaliButterfly

Fellow Butterfly, I feel your pain. The first time I got sober, I had all the same thoughts running through my head. I knew I didn't want to be an alcoholic, but I didn't want to think about having to resist temptation during social occasions, or not be able to have a fun weekend with the girls that included an alcoholic buzz. It terrified me when I thought I could never drink again, and just wanted to go back to being normal. So after almost a year, I decided that I would try drinking wine every once in a while. Then it was weekly, then 5 days before my one year anniversary, I bought my booze of choice - vodka. Before I knew it, I was back to where I was, drinking every night. Between then and 8 days ago, I had a few sober days here and there, quit for 9 days straight, then went back. The last few months were mental torture. I want to stop, I want to drink, I want to stop, I want to drink. And then I started comparing that to the near year of complete sobriety. In that time, I didn't once miss the alcohol aspect of socializing. I started thinking about what feeling I was trying to achieve by drinking. The good time didn't feel any better with a buzz and I had more fun sober and could remember it the next day. You've got the right idea to take it one day at a time, because tomorrow hasn't happened yet, so don't try to live there. Deal with now, now. And then tomorrow, you can remind yourself that you don't want to live your life as a drunk then, and so on. I read something by another poster today that helped me a lot. "There's a voice in my head telling me I can moderate my drinking. Strangely, none of the moderate drinkers I know have such a voice in their heads." Try not to worry or panic. The longer you stay sober, the more it makes sense. ((hugs))

malcolmsloan

Damn, that AV is a sneaky bugger! Good for you for seeing it for what it is-trickery, subterfuge, lies. Here's another way to see through it: Your AV was chucking all these hypothetical, highly romanticized, situations at you- future events not yet manifested. However, how is a future event that has not even happened reason to drink right now? Damn you, AV, you are a total creep!

Louise82

Excellent post butterfly. It's great that you're so self-aware and can separate your beautiful self from your witchy AV. My AV is also a witch-like female: she wears too much make-up, heels she can't walk in and has a face like she just bit into a lemon slice dipped in sour milk and breath that smells like cheap, sour vinegary wine.

Congrats on day 5!

Sparkydog

I look at alcohol like the poison it is, and if others want to poison themselves thats their choice, I will make better choices for myself.

Every year I attend a huge racing event, Ive been there sober and drinking, I didnt have a more enjoyable time while drinking, it didnt enhance the experience in any way, I had just as much fun sober , felt better and didnt needlessly blow alot of money.

DoubleDragons

I think we have the same AV. That is mine's favorite thought train, too. But once you get a fair amount of sobriety time (I have 101 days), you live through some of those events and you realize that they're every bit as fun without the alcohol plus you get the confidence of being in control. Our Christmas Day was at a swanky hotel with an incredible buffet. The drinks/champagne were flowing. I drank sparkling apple cider and mocktails, enjoyed the company and received a lot of compliments on my looks because I am thin, my coloring is good and I wasn't obnoxious. (stumbling, slurring, being loud and boring)

At this stage of your recovery, don't think about forever. Just tell yourself that you have to try sobriety for a fair block of time (4-6 months). The more sobriety you get under your belt, the less convincing and loud your AV will be.