Freshperspective14

This cannot be my life. How did I end up here? I have a great life, a wonderful husband, fantastic children. So how did I end up being a person that begins every day needing alcohol induced optimism? How is it that I am exhausted at the age of 43, my liver is enlarged, inflamed, my guts hurt non-stop, I gag blood every day when I brush my teeth, and yet I still think that a few drinks will make me feel better? Why can't I fix this and move on?

LSC1

Cruella
(((hugs))) this is agreat place to start fixing things ... youe are not the first mum to find yourself in this position ...(there are many of us). You have found a great source of support here.

There are many different strategies people use to stop drinking. However the number one suggestion is always to see a doctor and talk about all your concerns. Is talking to your hubby an option ....

Keep posting and asking questions ... there will many people on here with great advice as their day unfolds .

ScottFromWI

You can fix it and move on, you just have to want to. And the reason you still think drinking will make you feel better is most likely because you are an alcoholic.

Know that you are not alone and many of us have been exactly where you are right now. And you can fix this - but you might need help. Since you list some pretty specific physical symptoms, does that mean you have seen a doctor about them? That might be a great first step if you haven't. SR is the jackpot for support in terms of finding others who understand what you are going through. Ask a lot of questions and welcome aboard!

Dee74

Welcome Cruella - you'll find support here

are you planning to see a Dr? gagging blood sounds pretty darn serious...

D

soberhawk

Welcome to SR Cruelle.

Realizing that we are off track is an important first step.

You can change direction and you will not regret stop doing this to yourself.

PurpleKnight

We all ended up at the same decision to change things in the same way, as a result of an addiction that spiralled over the years!!

But things can change, and SR is a great place for support, though a Dr might be the first step to do it safely!!

least

to SR! You've come to a very friendly and supportive site. We are here to help you along the way in your sober journey.

GotGrace

Hi Cruella! From one mom to another, you can turn things around. Stick around, read a lot, and contribute as much as you feel comfortable. We all understand and are behind you!

Freshperspective14

I am afraid to see my doctor. I am afraid of the judgements, the guilt...I had cancer 10 years ago and feel like I am living on borrowed time as it is. My doctor was there the first time around, and I can't deal with hearing "You dumbass...what are you thinking?" My husband is fully aware that my drinking is a problem...and my children are more aware of the wine in my water glass than I give them credit for. I'm ashamed. I feel like I don't deserve sympathy or help. And that makes me drink more...

soberhawk

You will not be judged here Cruella, most people here know it is not always easy.

But you can change and deserve to make a change.

Have you made any thought on how you will do this?

You know doctors have seen a lot .. I am not sure he will be so hard judging you as you think?

ScottFromWI

If your doctor treated you that way i'd say you need to find a different doctor immediately - as well as report he/she to their superiors for inappropriate behavior with patients.

What you don't deserve is a life where you are controlled by alcohol. You don't see it now, but alcohol is the cause of your guilt and shame. And to continue drinking will make it even worse. Coming her for help is a great step in the right direction, now you need to seek help locally as well. No one will judge you here, and for the most part in any support group no matter where you live.

BeachLiving

I understand completely. Yesterday was suppose to be my first day of sobriety and I could not (or would not) do it. After posting here and all the support I got I decided to schedule an appointment with my Dr. I'm not looking forward to the visit but I am looking forward to being sober. It will be worth it.

hypochondriac

Well I have had some bad doctors but I have never heard one say that!

Don't let the addiction isolate you and stop you from getting help. Alcohol dependency is a recognised as a serious problem and not one that anyone gets called dumbass for. Yeah, it's pretty darn scary coming out about it, but the sense of relief is worth it. In retrospect I did it in stages. I spoke to people on a helpline a couple of times as well as talking here and it all helped me really consolidate it in my own head. Please ask for help. It's the sensible and brave thing to do x

PurpleKnight

Doctors can only do their job if you see them, plus they have seen it all before and so nothing will shock them, also I can't imagine a doctor passing judgment out loud, that'd be opening the door to all sorts of complaints!!

My doctor was great, took blood/sugar level/pressure tests, gave advice etc, and booked me in for some follow up appointments, they want to help, but you need to go see them!!

KatieA

I hope you get the help you need. The wine is lying to you. It's and old friend, but it's a terrible one. I am 6 days sober and I feel so much Better already. You can do this!

Freshperspective14

I was registering today and I was asked for my sobriety date...and I realized that I had no idea when my last sober date was...****, ****, ****. I don't want to die.

Dee74

It's scary to see a Dr but often things are far better than we fear....but, god forbid, if there is something wrong it's best to catch it early.

I was a fatalist too but I didn't want to die. I hope we both have many years left Cruella

If your doctor was judgmental, I'd get another one, pronto.

hayley86

Welcome, don't let fear and shame stop you from seeing a doctor. I felt tremendous relief when i was honest with my doctor about the extent of my drinking. It was a huge turning point for me and i started to get well. I have found most doctors to be incredibly supportive and non judgmental. SR is a great place for support too.

endlesspatience

You're doing really well, Cruella. You're being honest with us in saying you don't know your sobriety date and that is a step forward because it means you're letting some light onto the situation.

I really would encourage you to post as much as you need to at this point. We all recognise that you need a bit of support and we're ready to offer that. All we want from you now is to keep in touch with us so that we can hear how you're doing. We won't judge. We won't lecture. We'll just be with you while you go through this and try to find a way through. We know it's possible.

ScottFromWI

The date is not important now. Getting help is. Another step you could take would be your local AA/Alcohol Drug hotline. They can put you in touch with local people who have helping people like us as their first interest.

You don't need to be ashamed, we have all been in situations like you are, some much worse. You are not alone and you don't need to fight alone either. Can you or your husband look up some local resources? If not you can just share your general area and I'm sure somoene here could find or might even know of good local places to call.