newhope01

Recently I've been able to successfully cut down my drinking from everyday to two days a week. Now I want to eliminate it entirely from my life but I find that whenever I do this, I am sober for about 2-3 weeks and then I drink again. And once I drink again, I binge like crazy. Usually because deep down I don't want to give up alcohol entirely and although at this moment I have no intentions of consuming alcohol, I miss it.

From time to time, I will think forlornly of never drinking wine while I cook again or having beers with friends. No wine tasting ever again. I keep trying to tell myself that its just poison and I don't need it. That if I keep drinking I will lose my fiance because I can't hide it from him anymore and he can't stand me when I am drunk. Most of all I can't stand how I feel after I drink too much. Its just awful thinking about how stupid I acted or not remembering how I got into bed. How my relationships have fallen apart. How despite having impeccable health I have caused myself severe anxiety attacks and have stopped exercising entirely.

But, to be honest, I miss it and a piece of me does not want to live without it.

Dee74

Acceptance is a hard one.
My drinking nearly killed me and a part of me still wanted it around.

What ultimately tipped the scales for me was sticking it out and gaining enough sober time for me to evaluate the difference between a drinking life and a sober one. The sober one won hands down.

If you find yourself going back to drinking after a couple of weeks maybe you need more support? what changes have you made in your life to help you stay sober?

D
.

Fallow

I too think about not ever having alcohol sometimes. Its scary and can be overwhelming. Of course there's all the negatives alcohol brings and I know that intellectually. But emotionally I am afraid to shut the door on alcohol completely.

I think that's where one day at a time is very powerful for me.

justinJustQuit

Yeah Fallow, I totally agree. My AA sponsor always says "No alcohol today. You can drink tomorrow." I have to alter that, because I literally think I get to have alcohol. So i just stop at "No alcohol today".

colagirl

I feel exactly the same way. Despite everything it's done to me, I still love the idea of being drunk and I hate that I can't do it anymore. I think I've almost developed a sense of entitlement from drinking and having "gotten away with it" for a long time, and now I have to realize that I can't always do exactly what I want all the time and have no consequences. As much as I wish I could, that's just not the way life works and I have to accept that. I'm definitely still working on it, though.

newhope01

Dee: I have opened up with others about my drinking problem. I think honestly telling others about it has helped a lot. I've changed my routine as well and have removed alcohol from my home.

I am going to try to continue to give it time so I can prove to myself, alcohol is not worth it. I just think its important to do it for myself rather and because someone else wants me too.

justinJustQuit

it is VERY important to do it for yourself. All the help I've ever gotten has said that.

KateL

I was terrified at the prospect of never drinking again, but after a whild of craking it, I never looked back xx

FreeOwl

hi Newhope....

what you describe is a pretty classic binge-drinking cycle that aligns directly with what many of us - certainly with what I - have experienced.

Are you trying to do this alone? If you are, I suggest you at least give AA a shot. In my own experience, trying to manage it quietly, alone, in 'secret' never worked. As long as I was the only one on my side, my alcoholic voice would always win out and sooner or later - I'd wind up drunk again. Over time, it was just worse and worse.

I don't want that to happen to you.... and a powerful way to help strengthen your own resolve and certainty is to be around a community of others who have traveled this path and can share their experience, strength and hope.

Coming to this forum is a great move, but I personally find a LOT of power in sitting with others who really understand in a real-live, face to face place I can feel their experiences fueling me and I can share my truth and be set free from some of it.

TucTee

Focus on the excerpt bolded above: that's your motivation. I view quitting any substance as a cost-benefit analysis. Calculate which is more important: the good times at tastings and drinking beers with friends, or, staying with your fiancé and feeling healthy and cognizant. If the former outweighs the latter, then you may not be ready to stop. If the latter outweighs the former, you have your reasons to stop.

As I continue to abstain, I remind myself when I'm around drinking that it's simply best not to drink. It's more beneficial to myself to remain sober then have some beers and see what happens.

Once you get enough time away from alcohol, you'll discover how unnecessary it really is.

Anna

It sounds like you're making some good changes in your life to support yourself. I hope that you can accept that you cannot drink and that you will have a good life without alcohol. Have you read 'Drinking: A Love Story' by Caroline Knapp? She was a young, professional, high-functioning alcoholic who recognized that she had a 'love affair' with wine and how she was able to stop drinking. Reading her book was the first moment that I dared to believe I could do this, too.

DoubleDragons

In beginning sobriety, I told myself I was just "trying" sobriety. I planned on giving it 1-3 months (which logically I could see was nothing compared to the 27 years of drinking I had under my belt) Well, sobriety has become as addicting as drinking was and now it is much easier to ponder a life without alcohol (I am 100 days sober.) So just start out with a two month challenge. You can reevaluate it after two months. Do it. You owe it to yourself to give it a good earnest try. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

least

Two to three weeks of sobriety isn't long enough to experience the true benefits of living sober. It can take several months for your brain to adjust to normal functioning. Find or make a plan to get you past that 'two/three week' syndrome. the longer you're sober, the better you'll feel.

deeker

Doesn't sound like your missing much. Don't listen to your Addictive voice, it wants you dead and until then quite miserable. Just take this 24 hrs at time. Try not to project. Just think about the 24 hours before you. Quitting for a lifetime can sound overwhelming but 24 hours is doable.

Alcoholism is progressive and it will get worse.