Rough Night one
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Originally Posted by justinJustQuit 
spiritual as in God in general. I don't believe a God cares about alcohol. I believe God could care less about our petty day to day endeavors.
I don't believe that I can get better by putting my power in a God's hands I guess.
I don't believe that I can get better by putting my power in a God's hands I guess.
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I rally think you should find some meetings for young folks. There out there.
And one thing about the disease model of addiction is that it's progressive. I think that means it can progress to the point that you just might be one of the old dudes someday sharing about how they lost their job, family...
In AA we call that the "yets." You haven't lost as much as those oldsters -- yet.
And one thing about the disease model of addiction is that it's progressive. I think that means it can progress to the point that you just might be one of the old dudes someday sharing about how they lost their job, family...
In AA we call that the "yets." You haven't lost as much as those oldsters -- yet.
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It's not necessarily a list. It's more that people pray about such mundane things. Like money, crap like that.
Oh I hold some resentment for sure. I was beaten and starved by an alcoholic father, had a mother that was mentally ********, and I have three siblings with mental illnesses.
I got put in foster care at the age of 10 where my foster dad was and is an alcoholic. A God in my book would have gotten me out of there much sooner. I don't hold resentment to God about that completely though.
Most of my meals before foster care were in the basement of a church or out of grocery store dumpsters because my dad had to go buy his 18 pack a night instead of feed his kids. I had to feed them. Even my older sister.
Maybe that experience was necessary. After being put in foster care, I spoke to hundreds of foster children sharing experience and even represented an entire Missouri district. I did go to college and am a successful Software Engineer.
And you're probably thinking I have a mental illness too, but nope. I've been checked out by three psychiatrists and all i have is OCD.
So yeah, I have a lot of trouble believing in a merciful God. But I could have died without Him.
Oh I hold some resentment for sure. I was beaten and starved by an alcoholic father, had a mother that was mentally ********, and I have three siblings with mental illnesses.
I got put in foster care at the age of 10 where my foster dad was and is an alcoholic. A God in my book would have gotten me out of there much sooner. I don't hold resentment to God about that completely though.
Most of my meals before foster care were in the basement of a church or out of grocery store dumpsters because my dad had to go buy his 18 pack a night instead of feed his kids. I had to feed them. Even my older sister.
Maybe that experience was necessary. After being put in foster care, I spoke to hundreds of foster children sharing experience and even represented an entire Missouri district. I did go to college and am a successful Software Engineer.
And you're probably thinking I have a mental illness too, but nope. I've been checked out by three psychiatrists and all i have is OCD.
So yeah, I have a lot of trouble believing in a merciful God. But I could have died without Him.
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ive gotten to the point where i no longer believe coincidence exists ... furthermore, i can imagine a creation, as insanely detailed, a machine so tuned as this world is - that has no creator ... his roll in our day to day lives - i am unclear about ... but i am willing to believe there is a higher power and that there is some order ... the best i feel i can do is pray for the ability to better understand that plan and order and continue to try and do the next right thing
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maybe .. maybe not - i am willing to admit i dont know much ... and probably less than i think i do... but i am ok with it -- i have watched too many people turn their lives over to a HigherPower or God of THEIR understanding - and remain sober bc of it so long as they worked the steps ... so
- so i admitted it -- i knew i was an alcoholic - and it was pretty evident i had no power over it - and on the level of at LEAST my alcohol - my life was unmanageable. -
- had whatever understanding i had of my god and was willing to believe it is possible that my hp could restore my sanity .. done - and then turned my will over to that higher power - because i had seen it somehow work and i was willing to take the chance that it would for me.
- i know somewhere inside you - you can figure a way to do the same-- you said yourself you will dwell and think about things -- take that one on ... and see what you can NOT do in this situation -- if you find you can do all 3 - then you are already at step 4 of AA.
- so i admitted it -- i knew i was an alcoholic - and it was pretty evident i had no power over it - and on the level of at LEAST my alcohol - my life was unmanageable. -
- had whatever understanding i had of my god and was willing to believe it is possible that my hp could restore my sanity .. done - and then turned my will over to that higher power - because i had seen it somehow work and i was willing to take the chance that it would for me.
- i know somewhere inside you - you can figure a way to do the same-- you said yourself you will dwell and think about things -- take that one on ... and see what you can NOT do in this situation -- if you find you can do all 3 - then you are already at step 4 of AA.
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that's a good point. Last night I did think about a lot of what you said. The higher power and spirituality for me is kind of like this:
A God in my book would be a God that would want our environment (like the Earth) to be as good as possible instead of those petty things I mentioned earlier. My God would frown upon the Fukushima incident, Chernobyl, and the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. All dying of living things is a waste. I am a living thing. My early death from alcoholism would be a waste. And my God would want me to be more conscious of our situations. You said it: The Sun rising every day at a distance of 92,955,807 miles keeps us alive. Without it, we die.
A God in my book would want me to do anything in my power to do my part in being a better person as far as waste and consumption goes. Maybe I can find a way to believe a God would be interested in that synergy like the distance between the Sun and Earth. Maybe my high blood pressure and obesity due to alcoholism is "changing that distance between the earth and the Sun". Maybe my distance got off some, and He can help me get that distance correct again.
That might sound completely and utterly ********, but we all gotta start somewhere right?
A God in my book would be a God that would want our environment (like the Earth) to be as good as possible instead of those petty things I mentioned earlier. My God would frown upon the Fukushima incident, Chernobyl, and the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. All dying of living things is a waste. I am a living thing. My early death from alcoholism would be a waste. And my God would want me to be more conscious of our situations. You said it: The Sun rising every day at a distance of 92,955,807 miles keeps us alive. Without it, we die.
A God in my book would want me to do anything in my power to do my part in being a better person as far as waste and consumption goes. Maybe I can find a way to believe a God would be interested in that synergy like the distance between the Sun and Earth. Maybe my high blood pressure and obesity due to alcoholism is "changing that distance between the earth and the Sun". Maybe my distance got off some, and He can help me get that distance correct again.
That might sound completely and utterly ********, but we all gotta start somewhere right?
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Originally Posted by justinJustQuit
that's a good point. Last night I did think about a lot of what you said. The higher power and spirituality for me is kind of like this:
A God in my book would be a God that would want our environment (like the Earth) to be as good as possible instead of those petty things I mentioned earlier. My God would frown upon the Fukushima incident, Chernobyl, and the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. All dying of living things is a waste. I am a living thing. My early death from alcoholism would be a waste. And my God would want me to be more conscious of our situations. You said it: The Sun rising every day at a distance of 92,955,807 miles keeps us alive. Without it, we die.
A God in my book would want me to do anything in my power to do my part in being a better person as far as waste and consumption goes. Maybe I can find a way to believe a God would be interested in that synergy like the distance between the Sun and Earth. Maybe my high blood pressure and obesity due to alcoholism is "changing that distance between the earth and the Sun". Maybe my distance got off some, and He can help me get that distance correct again.
That might sound completely and utterly ********, but we all gotta start somewhere right?
A God in my book would be a God that would want our environment (like the Earth) to be as good as possible instead of those petty things I mentioned earlier. My God would frown upon the Fukushima incident, Chernobyl, and the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. All dying of living things is a waste. I am a living thing. My early death from alcoholism would be a waste. And my God would want me to be more conscious of our situations. You said it: The Sun rising every day at a distance of 92,955,807 miles keeps us alive. Without it, we die.
A God in my book would want me to do anything in my power to do my part in being a better person as far as waste and consumption goes. Maybe I can find a way to believe a God would be interested in that synergy like the distance between the Sun and Earth. Maybe my high blood pressure and obesity due to alcoholism is "changing that distance between the earth and the Sun". Maybe my distance got off some, and He can help me get that distance correct again.
That might sound completely and utterly ********, but we all gotta start somewhere right?
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Originally Posted by justinJustQuit
Pretty good. I have felt hot all day, but that's pretty much it.
I'll be on later. Got a five month old screaming. Haha
I'll be on later. Got a five month old screaming. Haha
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