Feeling down, I miss being numb sometimes
 

I know I can't drink safely and that alcohol is NOT a good solution. But I miss not feeling sometimes. I feel like I have an emotional hangover but there's no "reason". I saw my therapist today and she said "these could just be residual feelings of lonliness from childhood" I'm 34 though! lol And believe me, I did have a LOT of stuff coming up when getting sober but after almost 14 months it scares me that I feel REALLY low. Just sad. And like I will be alone forever. UGH. I have been so actively involved in AA and my recovery since getting sober. Which was what I needed. And now I just want to have more of other parts of life in my life. I guess I am just stomping my feet...Can anyone relate to this?

Could you be clinically depressed Quit? Seen a Dr, apart from the therapist, recently?

D

Quitforme, be gentle with yourself. There is ALWAYS a reason. It can be as simple as your brain still healing, to something as complex as childhood hurt resurfacing. But trust yourself. And your feelings. It's ok. You don't have to numb them, you can embrace the healing that comes from feeling.

Trust.
Be well dear one.

I have found balance is the key for me. Get more involved in other parts of your life and enjoy your recovery. If you are concerned about depression, do talk to your dr.

Thanks all....I have only been down for less than 2 weeks so I guess I will give it a bit more time before seeking help. It's a good reminder though. Anna, I have been wanting to learn how to play the violin and try a painting class. Perhaps now is the time to get on that... Thank you alpha for the reminder to be easy on myself :)

I can relate to this. You spent years numbing yourself (as did I), it really didnt do us any good. The numbness would wear off and we would be back at square 1 again. Allow yourself to feel, get lost in your madness. You will be surprised that sometimes you just need a good cry. It works for me.

Well said Autan!!! Thanks!

I relate also. I'm at 29 days and sometimes feel totally down.

But I only get out from the house to go to work. Probably not the best idea for the mood. Hope you feel better soon and find your "spark".

crying helps me too sometimes. It is a cruel world sometimes and so I just try to concentrate on the things and people I do have in my life who are good and good to me , but sometimes letting the tears out is a relief. can relate to wanting to numb.

Music and classes is an excellent idea. x

In the UK, we have "boy racers", its a term we give to anyone who accelerates their car fast, showing off in their modified cars blasting their music out, so the whole street can hear. (I know its a worldwide phenomenon).

Well, thats me. I am sat in that car, wanting the whole world to see how well I am doing, I am so strong, so successful, so good in bed. I can work hard and play hard. Pride and a sense that I am better, than everyone else, because I believe I am. Fuelled all the while and re-enforced by Alcohol, telling me, hey Autan your the man !!!

The problem is, sometimes that boy racer/me catches a glance of himself in the mirror and he realises and sees what everyone else sees. He just an idiot, showing off to himself. Strangers mutter insults under their breath. Girls cant believe how embarrassing he is, he friend act like they don't know him.

Then it hits home. He takes a moment to reflect and decides to change, but in doing so all that bravado and confidence is lost too. Alcohol provided it falsely but it was real to him/me.

Now he realises if he is to live a life without alcohol, he has to meet the world and face it as he truly is and not what he would like himself to be.

Strip away all the BS and we are naked, desperate to cover ourselves again, to regain that false sense of security and confidence.

I say, stand tall, accept who you are without all the nonsense and baggage and when the confidence returns and it will, it will be like your brightening up a room when you enter it, because people will see, its not alcohol thats fuelling your confidence, its your inner strength.

That is very attractive and very infectious. I doubt it can be attained easily or quickly, but certainly something to strive for.

Quitforme,
I miss being numb too sometimes. Taking the easy way out from feeling feelings that are not the most pleasant. But given what I know about my relationship with alcohol or weed I know that is not healthy or productive for me. It is the opposite, using drugs and alcohol as a way to escape (or at least provide the illusion of escape) is self-destructive to me physically, psychologically, and metaphysically. I'd rather have the pride and self-confidence that comes with working through my difficulties than temporary numbness. Yes, I miss it, but the losses I would experience as a result of indulging in it have been enough to keep me away from it so far, plus the incredible support I receive at SR.

Also, your therapist could easily be way off base when it comes to the why you are feeling down. Only you can determine what is causing your difficult feelings.

Quitforme face-to-face classes would be the way to go with both those aspirations but why not make a start? There is a good free online painting course here. A good visual diary (journal with 200g paper) with a pencil beside your favourite chair could also be a great daily creative outlet. If you want to paint you could invest in a inexpensive palette set or some watercolour or ink impregnated pencils.

I think sometimes it's a bit too easy to put off our creative aspirations because we deem them less important, but they provide important balance in our lives.

Quitforme - I relate a lot to your post. Not that I miss being numb. I really don't miss that. All it did was create pain and misery. But I've realized that after I got a good amount of sober time under my belt, I've kind of just gotten used to living life without drinking; I don't have to think about it. Not that this a bad thing. I am eternally grateful that my obsession to drink has been lifted. I know that alcohol cannot solve or improve a single situation in my life.

But it's like, now what? I also threw myself into AA when I first stopped drinking. Lots of meetings. Very active in my home group. I've made some amazing friends. But I kind of feel like now is the time to start moving ahead with my life as a sober man. Don't get me wrong. I'm not abandoning AA. Personally, I need it. But I feel like I have this new opportunity; this second chance to build a normal life again.

I'm 31. I got dumped by my ex when I was in the hospital detoxing. That was over nine months ago. And yeah, I've been feeling a bit lonely lately. That "void" is still there.

I honestly wish I could give you some amazing advice, but I'm just trying to make my way through this phase of my sobriety like you are. But let's be real here, it's still 1000x better than it was when I was in the prison of alcoholism. I have to keep reminding myself that I am extremely lucky and blessed. That looking from the outside in, my life is good. That I have faith in my HP that people and situations will be put in front of me when I'm ready to handle them. That the quick fix of a relationship may just be my need to seek validation through others instead of loving myself first.

So right now, I'm working on balance. I'm exploring getting back into dating again, but this time, with the tools I've learned from the program. I'm getting back into writing music again. I am reconnecting with my family. It will all work itself out as long as 1) I don't drink; and 2) I have patience.

Best of luck to you. Keep us updated.

You & I have been sober bout same time. Felt that way b4 & been so recently even tho I go to 3/4 mtgs a wk, post on here, work steps, read grapevine etc But it could be many reasons- it's winter, Christmas & ny is done, daily stress or what have you. Since we are alcoholics, we are always by nature looking for "excitement" & if not met, become weary ie R.I.D
Twill pass as its done b4

I relate.