I don't want to do this anymore. I'm scared.
Sober from 11/19/13-1/18/14
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 177
I don't want to do this anymore. I'm scared.
I feel like I'm losing my momentum. Right now I'm getting by by telling myself "one day at a time"... but I really feel close to the edge. I am so over this feeling. I'm struggling. I don't know if I can be happy sober. I can't be happy drunk. I guess I just have negative energy and just can't be happy period.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
When you're walking through Hell the only thing you can do is keep going to get to the other side. I have been exactly where you are. I could have written that post a hundred times. What keeps me going is that I have periods were I feel just fine and life has meaning and purpose.
My saddest day sober is still happier than my happiest day drinking. True story.
It takes a while for the fog to life and moods to stabilise.
My saddest day sober is still happier than my happiest day drinking. True story.
It takes a while for the fog to life and moods to stabilise.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I had a long period of feeling grey too. For I while I assumed it was my new default.
But I looked at it this way. I knew drinking didn't make me happy - but I gave years to that.
I owed my sobriety a decent amount of time too.
It took me about three months before I even realised how alcohol had screwed up my thinking, perspective, and worldview.
Noone here would lie to you Suekie - things do get better
Like I said yesterday tho - if things are really weighing you down why not get checked out at the Drs just to rule other things out?
D
But I looked at it this way. I knew drinking didn't make me happy - but I gave years to that.
I owed my sobriety a decent amount of time too.
It took me about three months before I even realised how alcohol had screwed up my thinking, perspective, and worldview.
Noone here would lie to you Suekie - things do get better
Like I said yesterday tho - if things are really weighing you down why not get checked out at the Drs just to rule other things out?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
You likely can be happy sober but you may have to give yourself some time. If you're feeling down, that's okay. If you're feelin lazy, that's okay too. If you're really struggling, see your doctor and explain what's going on. Allow yourself all the room you need to stay sober. It took me a while to start feeling better and I still have a ways to go but I feel a tiny bit of improvement each day, and it starts to add up. I like the "one day at a time" idea because that's really all we have to worry about. Stick with it, together we can all stay sober.
-Ted
-Ted
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Hi Suekie sorry you're feeling this way. True, counting the days can be lousy but it does get better.
I counted every single day but the last few weeks I have forgotten to, I am starting to get my life in some sort of order, don't get me wrong on the outside everything seems ok. It's just me and my turmoil mind and body. I think we all go through it often, it's like a test with the cookie jar.
My focus is what toffee said on a post, behaving as if alcohol was never invented. That's my goal, it may take months or years, I'm gonna beat it, you will to, Suekie.
And honestly, our unhappiest day sober has gotta be a hundred times better than the drunks we were.
Take care Suekie, strong firm baby steps x
I counted every single day but the last few weeks I have forgotten to, I am starting to get my life in some sort of order, don't get me wrong on the outside everything seems ok. It's just me and my turmoil mind and body. I think we all go through it often, it's like a test with the cookie jar.
My focus is what toffee said on a post, behaving as if alcohol was never invented. That's my goal, it may take months or years, I'm gonna beat it, you will to, Suekie.
And honestly, our unhappiest day sober has gotta be a hundred times better than the drunks we were.
Take care Suekie, strong firm baby steps x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
For me, finding things to be thankful for really helped. Even little things like each day clean and sober or warm blankets to curl up under at the end of the day. It helped a lot to focus specifically on the benefits of sobriety as well like not wasting money, being able to make better decisions, knowing that even if my life was in shambles at least sober I could start to make it better, etc.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
when you said; " I don't know if I can be happy sober. I can't be happy drunk."
a couple of things came up for me;
1 - You say you don't KNOW if you can be happy sober.... but your statement implies you do KNOW you cannot be happy drunk. So, you've got at least 50% of the way to assuring happiness just by NOT drinking.
2 - In an AA meeting yesterday, a guy was sharing his story of being in that horrific place where he would physically, actually, DIE if he kept drinking... but was sure he would die if he stopped. Vomiting blood into the toilet each morning before grabbing for the vodka bottle. No matter how much struggle you may feel right now, can going back to drinking possibly be worth maybe winding up there?
3 - We all have negative energy and we all have unhappy times. For many years, we tried to even that out and kill the 'unhappy' with the illusion of happiness in a bottle. We know that didn't work. We chose another path. That other path includes these pesky little things called ACTUAL FEELINGS!!! If you can, try to look yourself in the mirror and be thankful for the feelings you're feeling. Even the glum ones, even the scary ones, are FEELINGS.... and that is part of being HUMAN. Happiness is not a permanent state - it ebbs and it flows. But - so do other feelings like sadness and grief and what you're experiencing is normal.
Hang in there, and keep on trudging!!
a couple of things came up for me;
1 - You say you don't KNOW if you can be happy sober.... but your statement implies you do KNOW you cannot be happy drunk. So, you've got at least 50% of the way to assuring happiness just by NOT drinking.
2 - In an AA meeting yesterday, a guy was sharing his story of being in that horrific place where he would physically, actually, DIE if he kept drinking... but was sure he would die if he stopped. Vomiting blood into the toilet each morning before grabbing for the vodka bottle. No matter how much struggle you may feel right now, can going back to drinking possibly be worth maybe winding up there?
3 - We all have negative energy and we all have unhappy times. For many years, we tried to even that out and kill the 'unhappy' with the illusion of happiness in a bottle. We know that didn't work. We chose another path. That other path includes these pesky little things called ACTUAL FEELINGS!!! If you can, try to look yourself in the mirror and be thankful for the feelings you're feeling. Even the glum ones, even the scary ones, are FEELINGS.... and that is part of being HUMAN. Happiness is not a permanent state - it ebbs and it flows. But - so do other feelings like sadness and grief and what you're experiencing is normal.
Hang in there, and keep on trudging!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
