BeachLiving

Ok... Here I go...
Today is day 1. I quit for 6 months last year and thought I could get to a "drink every now and then" state. Once I had a night of drinking I was back to full blown drinking within a week. I have been drinking again for the last 6 months.

I drank (I say drank instead of drink because today is day 1) about 8 to 10 shots per night. Recently I started taking a couple shots in the morning to make myself feel "normal".

I get the shakes and get super tense during the day at work and can hardly wait to get home to take the first shot. If I'm not buzzed, I am sick. I have no appetite until I get a few shots into me. I have anxiety and panic attacks which go away as soon as I drink.

My Wife drinks with me also. She has worse symptoms of withdrawal. Hallucinations. Shaking. Sick. Not eating. I don't think she can go cold turkey because it is dangerous. That also makes it difficult for me to quit.

I am posting this here because it helps me make this commitment real. None of my friends or family knows this about me. It has been mine and my wife's secret for over 10 years and this is the first time I have ever let out my secret.

I have to be honest though. I am scared. I am scared of quitting and I am scared of not quitting.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

Don't underestimate your own reaction to quitting. You have symptoms that you relieve by drinking, so you don't know the full reaction to quitting. We always recommend seeing a doctor and being honest about one's drinking and intentions to quit.

Would you wife be open to detox and inpatient care? Your sober journey will be easier if you both are on it.

BeachLiving

I have cut back over the last 3 days to help make it easier and safer. I have quit twice before and the last time I had a hard time sleeping and lots of strange dreams and nightmares. I also had a headache that lasted a month.

My Wife is open to detox and inpatient care if needed but she would rather cut back slowly and then quit. Of course she doesn't want anyone to know about her (our) problem. At this point she has committed to cutting back. I asked her to make a plan. Like cutting back one shot per week etc.

Coldfusion

Hi BeachLiving,

My wife and I quit about a year ago. I went to a week of inpatient detox; she stayed home and quit cold turkey (but she had done a month of rehab six years ago).

We both did ninety meetings in our first ninety days of sobriety, and I have been very active on this site. You both really need to WORK at recovery!

Best wishes,

∞CF

ClearLight

SoCal and the OC!
Right there with ya.
I've tried the cut back approach and it has never worked for me. And I quit for about five years then slipped back into it again.
If you want to give AA a try here's a great website that lists all the meetings by day, time and location - for Orange County.
Orange County AA Meeting Directory

doggonecarl

Well, that's a excellent frame of mind and I hope she means it, should the tapering program fail.

What I initially wanted to write was "...when the tapering program fails." But that's a pretty negative post to a newcomer. But the truth is, tapering, unless strictly supervised, usually fails. If alcoholics had the ability to control our drinking (and that's all tapering is) we wouldn't be alcoholics.

Support her, but be prepared to suggest the course of a medically supervised detox.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! you'll find loads of support here!!

Thepatman

I have 29 days and used tappering before going cold turkey to keep my withdrawal symptoms manageable.

Everyone is different, for me it worked. Hope you find what works for you

BeachLiving

I used tapering the last time and I was sober for 6 months. It worked for me but I am not sure it will work for my Wife. We spoke about it and she will try outpatient help if needed and if that doesn't work then inpatient help. When I quit before it helped her to cut back to 4 or 5 drinks a night but she never quit completely. Since she is doing about 10 now my quitting will make it easier for her. I just have to be strong and she won't drink in front of me. When she gets to 4 drinks a night she said she will quit.

Dee74

Welcome to SR BeachLiving

There's a lot of support here - you're not alone

D

Kris47

I can only wish you the very best. We all need the help we can get. most of it I know comes from ourselves deep within. You can do it.

BeachLiving

Wow this is going to be tough. 5pm is the time that I would leave to go home at take a shot.
It's 4:41

ClearLight

That's the toughest time for me too.

Tooling down the 405 back to HB and the wheels start to turn.

Good luck.