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I think I am ready to stop

Old 01-05-2014, 04:53 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Welcome Nicole! You came to the right place, and did the right thing by taking the time to write it all out. There is tons of support here. I KNOW you can do this, because I did and so many others did as well. I am sober 2 years now and my life has changed tremendously, all for the better!
I wanted to share that I too suffered from acute anxiety and was on several meds. None of the meds really helped until I gave up the alcohol. Today my anxiety has been replaced with a deep sense of peace and serenity. All is well in my world. I wish this for you
xo
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Old 01-05-2014, 05:04 PM
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Hi Nicole - welcome

You'll find a lot of support here.

I identify with a lot of your story - especially that drinking is getting more and more dangerous for you - I remember the same for me too.

I know it seems like you can;t live with out booze but you can - and rather than helping your anxiety, it's probably making it worse - you now not only have the pre-existing anxiety but the extra anxiety of addiction and wanting a glass of something to feel 'normal' again

there's a better kind of normal tho. I re-discovered a life, and a me, I'd forgotten.

I'm a physically disabled man - life can still be hard, I still have all of those problems and issues I have to deal with - but life is immeasurably better.

Don't just take my word for it tho - there's thousands of success stories here

I don't have that weight on my shoulders anymore. I'm free.
You can be too

D
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Old 01-05-2014, 05:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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As you can see from the responses, you are not alone. AND there are wonderful people here who are incredibly supportive and non-judgmental. This is a safe place, Nicole. I am glad you found your way here. A lot of what you wrote resonated with me as well. We all know what it's like to lie and sneak about all of it. It's such a crummy, lousy way to live and the guilt and shame is unbearable, I know.

Get to that meeting. Be honest with your doctor. I know it is so scary but I also know that your doctor has heard worse, I'm sure of it. Between this site and your doctor and those AA meetings, you can get a plan. You will feel SO relieved when you have a plan.

Keep coming here and remember we are all here for you.

Jackie
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Old 01-05-2014, 05:30 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nicole100 View Post
I am tired of feeling sick and tired of hurting myself. I can't go to an inpatient rehab again--I would lose my job. And I do not want to tell my family what has been going on because they all think I am doing really well.
Nicole - Sometimes our health needs to be the #1 priority over everything else. I urge you to consider that this may be one such occasion.

Please go to a doctor and be 100% honest about what you've been going through. The doctor can help make a plan for safe detox and for getting the care you need. Don't try and do this on your own.

Also, I cannot recommend enough that you contact your family and be honest with them too. You need help, and they should stand by you and help you in this time of need.

The lying has gone on for way too long. It's time to get honest and reach out for the help you need. There is no shame AT ALL in asking for help.

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Old 01-05-2014, 05:33 PM
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just like knowledge is often found in humility -- there is victory to be found in admitting defeat.
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Old 01-05-2014, 05:49 PM
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Welcome Nicole, very moving to read our story, so honest. AA has helped me enormously, hope you get to that meeting, keep coming here as well, we really do care and want you get get well. I believe you have the key to your prison, freedom is amazing!! I would certainly encourage you to get medical advice/help.xx
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Old 01-05-2014, 06:04 PM
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I had the same experiences...When I couldnt stop drinking ( 7 days streight day and night) I cut myself preaty bad. I just couldnt handle being alone anymore. I ended up in a hospital...shamed, embarrassed but some how relieved...I felt safe. I didnt stop drinking but I drank much less thinking...see everyone I am not an alcoholic. Yeah right...now I know I am and on my way to recovery. I am scared and panicked but I know its temporary. One day at the time...lets do it together cause we are not alone!
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Old 01-05-2014, 06:22 PM
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Hi Nicole,
I am the 37 yr old male version of you. You are me 5 years ago when I was at my worst. Everything you described, other than the benzos, is something I can relate to right down to the worn shoes and no couch. I did a 35 day inpatient rehab in 2011. It included all types of addicts, not just alcoholics. I have had few short relapses since then but for the most part have been sober. I now have a new apartment with a new couch and multiples new pairs of shoes haha.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that things DO get better. Trust me. You are at rock-bottom which means the only way is up! Welcome!
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Old 01-05-2014, 06:56 PM
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Find a program of recovery, commit to it,and follow through on the commitment. AA and sober recovery helped me get sober almost 3 years ago. I was worried at first about seeing people I knew at AA, but I just kept reminding myself they were there for the same reason as me. I was also embarrassed to go to AA until I reminded myself I had embarrassed myself drunk in public many times and that's way worse than going to an AA meeting. God luck!
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Old 01-05-2014, 07:31 PM
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I was just in your neck of the woods for work, I live in the Tampa Bay Area and I liked the meetings over there.
You can do this!
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:22 PM
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Welcome Nicole,,, and thanks for sharing your story. It helps me. Your at the right place,,, we are all in this for the same thing. I really think you should consult your Dr. about the possible withdrawal symptoms you might be facing, as they can be dangerous for some people. Hang tough,,, best decision of your life for life.
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:59 PM
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who thinks the title name should be changed to" "i am ready to stop!"??
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:33 PM
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I grew up around alcoholism but thankfully never went down that path. But I do suffer from the disease of addiction. My thing was pills, opiates and downers.

What I can see from your original post is your self honesty and that is very admirable. It sounds as though you're sick of drinking, can see how it's destroying your life and that you want to stop.

It always feels good to open up and let it all out. Keep trying and keep posting!!! You will get there.
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Old 01-05-2014, 09:44 PM
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Hi Nicole, You are so not alone. I'm with you 100% and share so many of your challenges. I, too, am struggling with the AA thing, but I am going to go - this week - Wednesday is the meeting I'm aiming for. What's the worst that can happen - it will help? I'm with you, sweet, and I'll let you know how it goes Wednesday and hope you let me know how it goes too.
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