Suekie

I relate 100% to all of this. Though I NEED people, I tend to not want to be around them often. It's very... confusing.

Since I have become sober (I believe I'm day 46 or 47.. I've actually lost count which I think is a good thing lol) I have limited my social interaction to the best of my ability. However, I work 40+ hours a week and have to be social, it's exhausting and I dread work just about every single day, but that's a different story. In my personal life I've attended a few small gatherings due to the holidays and I didn't particularly enjoy myself. All I really find pleasure in these days is
1. being with my immediate family, usually at home
2. shopping
3. cleaning my house

I had a few days where my husband and the kids and I met up with other parents we know and their kids to go rollerskating. It was fun but mostly because I didn't have to just sit and socialize, it was a "busy" activity and I was either rollerskating by myself or rollerskating with my kids. The times when I did sit to talk to the other parents I felt uncomfortable as usual and just wanted to get back out to skate. I wish I could just be comfortable with small talk and enjoy others company, but I just don't know how without a drink, and I come home each and everyday completely drained and exhausted.

adee

I've often thought - it would be a lot easier to go to an AA meeting if I could just have a few drinks first. Oy.

Learning about introverts has really helped me make peace with it. Quiet by Susan Cain is a wonderful book and there is a great TED talk by her if you search for it. I watched it with my 13 year old (extrovert) and she was so funny - "I get you now!"

I know myself well enough that I just give myself permission to refuse any social offer that is going to up my anxiety for the next three months at least (I'm on day 7). I'll figure out how to navigate the social scene later when I'm stronger. It can wait.

soberhawk

reflection

I second reading "Quiet" or at least watching the TED talk, it really helps to validate that we're a-ok! I started drinkng in my early teens to fit in, too. Since I stopped I've actually gone to quite a few parties - with success. I find it helps to submerge myself in uncomfortable situations so I can learn more about why I was drinking and to reinforce with myself that I can socialize and not drink. That approach is not for everyone! Of course, this weekend I declined all invitations because I think I am burnt from NYE and all the hobnobbing; it's Calistoga and bedroom painting for me.

ReadyAtLast

Thank you so much for all the responses. I'm amazed at how many other people feel as I do. Thank you for sharing your experiences-it has helped me immensely to realize I'm in no way alone or odd or abnormal in feeling the way I do. Maybe it's one of those things where people don't like to admit how they feel as feel it makes them seem 'odd'.

Dirk-I can relate to you,whilst I love being alone I also need people, just not very many of them.

I think it's really important to make a distinction between being alone and being lonely. I'm not lonely, just need to be alone a lot.

Thank you so much to everyone who responded - I've found reading your responses very uplifting

NoJimmy

I don't think I'm an introvert, but alcohol gave me added confidence and I have used it to socialize my whole adult life. It's a struggle for me to socialize without it. I think many "normal" drinkers use it for the same reason, they just manage to stop well before ridiculous behavior starts.
Remapping my social life is perhaps the hardest part of sobriety for me. My social circle got pretty small since quitting, as did my social event options.

ClearMind

Thanks for your post, it pretty well describes me to a T. I used alcohol in much the same way as you, which explains why I'm here as well. Like you, I have found that a key reason I was able to get sober was to accept myself for what I am. I'm not an extrovert, I'm a quiet, private person and the "loud, boisterous" person at the party that alcohol caused me to be was truly not me. I have accepted the way that I am. I'm quiet, private, and introverted. And that's okay. It's my personality, it's in my genes and my upbringing. To be any other way, for me, is unnatural. The key is to accept our limitations; to accept that there are things we are good at, and things that we are not so good at. I can socialize, but it does involve a lot of mental energy and at the end of it I can feel mentally exhausted and that's okay. It's not necessarily a weakness, and I certainly have strengths in other areas.