My story
 

Sorry if I have posted this in the wrong spot.

Hi all. I'm new. I have been reading this page for a few months and decided to join and write my story.
I'm a 30 year old mother of two and I have a wonderful, wonderful husband.
I know, if not, I'm certain I have an alcohol problem. That little voice inside my head is telling me I am not an alcoholic. That voice is wrong.
Last night was my rock bottom. I had alcohol hidden around the side of the lovely house my husband worked hard for. And after a great night, something stupid in my head told me to go and find it. My husband caught me in the sneaky act, he threw it at me and he cut his wedding ring in half with pliers.
I don't blame him.
I took 4 prozacs and 3 camprals last night wishing to just go.
As I said, I have this stupid disease and it's awful. It turns me from a funny, generous and loving woman to the opposite. I'm losing my whole life. Mentally, physically, emotionally and more.
My first drink was at 12 years old. We had champagne. Mixed with orange juice with lunch. It was nothing. But it seems I got the taste... So I walked around the table and finished everyone's glasses off. I then rolled down the hill in the backyard, vomited dinner up and missed beach cricket. That's when it started.
I have made so many stupid mistakes on alcohol. The biggest was letting down my family. Worrying my Mother.
I have a wonderful doctor but in a few days on my next appointment, I have to tell her I relapsed.
My father died alone next to a wall in an alley way from alcoholism years ago. I miss him so much, but I lost him a long time ago. He was funny and loving and smart. Reminds me of me.... I don't want to do this to my children, my husband, my family or friends. I need to kick this disease. Thanks for listening .

Welcome to SR. I hope you achieve the sobriety you seek.

Welcome to the family. :hug: You've come to a very friendly supportive place. We are here to help you stay sober. Come here and post instead of drinking. A sober life is its own reward. :)

Welcome Newme! I think you'll find it very helpful to be here where everyone understands what you're going through. I felt all alone until I found SR.

At 30 I was still many years away from realizing I needed to stop. I'm glad you see clearly what needs to happen. Some never seek help until their life is in shambles. You can get back on track and stay there. We will help. Glad to have you with us.

Hi NewMe :)

you sound really down on yourself.

personally I don't view alcoholism as a moral failing - I was sick now I'm well...we can and do get better.

Coming here is a great first step to regaining your life and the trust and respect of our loved ones.

D

Thank you all so much. I appreciate all of it. I was going to send a pm to you all, but need to post 5 times. Thank you all though :)

And thank you Dee. Been following your posts from the start.

Newme,
My husband has found my "hidden" supply before. It was so embarrassing. He was angry, hurt, and lost a great deal of trust in my ability to control myself. I hope your husband will come around and become your biggest supporter. I am trying again myself - today is day one. I hate to even tell my husband because I feel he will think I'm crying wolf. Take care - we CAN do this!

Thank you for sharing. You are definitely on the right track because you care. And you know what, we care too. We love you.

The good news is that you realize you have a curable issue. You realize the voice in your head is not really you and it is wrong. So when it tells you to drink, you already know the deception behind it. Keep trying my friend.

Hi NewMe, welcome to sr, you will find a lot of help here from from fantastic people with worlds of experience for us to glean from.

Well done for facing up to it and don't be too hard on yourself, brush yourself off, welcome to day 1 x

well done taking this step Newme....

you're not alone, and you don't have to keep on doing the same things.

you can change, and your life will be far better for it.

I'm glad you stepped out into the light and are ready to make that change.

If you can get to an AA meeting, I sure do recommend it.

:ring

Welcome, Newme xxx

Alcoholism is not a lack of "self-control". My ex husband used to react with anger and shame towards me. It's because he didn't understand it and felt helpless in the situation. Might I suggest he try Al-Anon? Men can be funny about sharing family business with others, but at this point what else does he have to lose? Helping someone in recovery and the recovering addict have to be willing to go to any lengths - I hope it doesn't have to get worse before it gets better. Welcome -

glad you're here.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support! Sorry for the late reply. I have just downloaded the sober recovery ap and it is a God send. Coming on here helps me so much, I am so happy I found this place and all you lovely people. So thank you x

Since my last post I have not had a drink or any desire to. I stopped the Campral after talking with my doctor. I don't get cravings. I just start drinking and can't stop. I can stop, I just need to stay stopped. I brought a breathalyser and ask my husband to test me day and night and it's been working wonders. Best thing I have done so far.. Also had my mother and step father come and stay for a week which was wonderful. Did so many fun things that didn't revolve around Alcohol. I met with a drug and alcohol councillor last week and told her my story. I told her about my Father dying from this disease and she cried! She apologised, saying she's never done that in 20 years.... Wow. I see her again this week.

I also went to a wedding last weekend were alcohol was flowing freely. I didn't have one drop. Even took along the breathalyser. Danced all night and had a wonderful time. I was very proud of myself :) :)

I hope everyone is going well on their journeys. Mine is going wonderfully but I know it's a long road ahead.

Xx

Really glad all is going well NewMe :)

D

Great you are making progress. Once alchol is off the table i found it freed me up to learn how to live.

i still think sometimes that i am so grateful to have been "relieved of the burden of drinking". i have come to accept i am not like other people and it is liberating.

Hi NewMe, fellow Aussie. You sound like you've got off to a great start and that your husband finding you at your stash was a blessing in disguise. Now that you're going along well, have a think about the times you relapsed, and try and work out what the circumstances were. What made you start again? Was it over-confidence, or were you upset, was it a social situation?
Make a plan for avoiding or coping with circumstances that would normally cause you to drink. Think about how you can handle things differently this time.
Every time you successfully deal with craving or temptation, you'll become more confident.

Well done sweety we are all here to support u xx

Lost my father in similar fashion. Keep using it for motivation. You have a great life ahead of you.