My Intro - A little anger helps - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 01-04-2014, 04:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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My Intro - A little anger helps


Been drinking 10 years. I go to the bars at night. My car drives me there, my body walks in and tries to fake like it's a normal person, but I am an alcoholic. You know what happens next.

Hundreds of meetings, avoidance of the steps, and thousands of mornings I swear I am finished, yet I am not. I am insane. But in the last few days I've discovered that the only way to not drink at night without feeling like a deprived, whiny baby, is to think to myself as I'm driving home from work at night, "I'm not f****** drinking. I'm done with that s***!" Or something to that effect for a few minutes. I do it with an intensity and fire that I have not done before. It makes me more present, I feel better, the craving lessens, and I go home.

I know this is not enough for me stay sober long. White Knuckling? But I realize that I am the only person responsible for me not drinking. I need to show some resolve and not drink under any circumstances. And tapping this anger seems to be helpful. At least it's a sign that I'm changing. I'm starting to have emotions, I am learning to feel and cry and letting out old anger, which has helped with anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms. My therapy is working.

I appreciate the opportunity to write this and I appreciate constructive comments. But I know that I need to make more sober friends I can talk to in person, and work the steps. I think I'm not going to be afraid of using a little more intensity and anger like this. What else do you suggest?

Good to be at SR.

Cheers.
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Old 01-04-2014, 05:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Why are you avoiding the steps?

How it Works starts out: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..."

The AA path is not going to meetings, even hundreds of them as you have done. The path is getting a sponsor and working the steps.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I,too have used my " angry" voice with success, usually when my AV is deceiving me . As to what else? It's whatever DOES work- we're all different, i know coming here is HUGE for me as is the mantra "not today".
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. I hope we can help you stay sober this time.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Pleased to meet you Turbo. You are not alone with your struggle - we all understand.

You sound ready to do this. You'll find plenty of support, encouragement and friendship here. Glad you found us - keep on reading and posting.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I think I avoid them because part of me just doesn't want to quit. I still think at times that I can moderate. This is not rational thinking. I'm still trying to control. Sometimes I drink because I think it's the only thing that I enjoy and I don't have faith in my future. I get depressed a little. I think once I am sober I won't enjoy life. I know this isn't the case. I see evidence for the contrary.

I'm getting close to getting a sponsor and doing the steps. I'm really interested in seeing how I am doing after 90 days or one year sober.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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LiaAc,

Thank you for your private message but I cannot reply due to not having posted enough posts!

You are welcome to offer me suggestions privately or publicly.

Thanks.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome!

I used fear (health issues/family issues) and anger to get me through the first week or so. By the time three weeks had gone by, a definite shift had occurred, my negativity decreased and I began to really recover.

Do whatever helps you to get through these days and know that you will feel better soon.
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi TurboChicken

I don;t know if you've heard of Rational Recovery but it may be right up your alley.
Google 'AVRT' or visit our Secular Connections forum
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Old 01-04-2014, 06:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Ditto on the RR and AVRT. check it out, it is working for me. A little hybrid but basically RR.

Using your anger to propel you forward. Its great sometimes when it is working in your favour.
I to have used my anger to my advantage as well at times.

Eventually the anger will die down and that is where a solid plan is your new best friend.
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