Talk me off the ledge. Please.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Talk me off the ledge. Please.
Reporting in at 35,000 feet (ain't technology grand ?) 
I have just successfully completed my
1. First completely sober vacation
2. With my family
3. And my narcissistic mother whom I took along because I'm too nice for my own good. Seriously. Too nice. It was all but hell playing referee between NPD mother and DH who can barely stand her in small doses let alone, 6 days, 24/7 straight.
So, the old AV has decided that I deserve, to check the hell out when I get home. Lets celebrate - WE MADE IT.
I can feel it ramping up. The apathy, the self agrandizement, the poor poor pitiful me victim mentality.
This is treacherous territory for this old booze hound.
Help.
I have just successfully completed my
1. First completely sober vacation
2. With my family
3. And my narcissistic mother whom I took along because I'm too nice for my own good. Seriously. Too nice. It was all but hell playing referee between NPD mother and DH who can barely stand her in small doses let alone, 6 days, 24/7 straight.
So, the old AV has decided that I deserve, to check the hell out when I get home. Lets celebrate - WE MADE IT.
I can feel it ramping up. The apathy, the self agrandizement, the poor poor pitiful me victim mentality.
This is treacherous territory for this old booze hound.
Help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Dickson, TN
Posts: 4
I can totally relate to what you're going through! I just got back from my first sober vacation of 11 days with my family. We drove to Colorado, so I was in a vehicle a total of about 40 hours there and back. It wasn't pretty. I was ready to kill someone, I continuously had to pray and pause when agitated. When I got home, I breathed a sigh of relief. Just keep in prayer! Try to get to a meeting if you can! Allow yourself to decompress, you made it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
Shut that AV down!
Getting through that vacation was a major accomplishment! You definitely deserve some solid, soul restoring me-time. That isn't available in a can or bottle. Think the drink through--it's going to take you to a place that you don't want to be, it's going to rip at your spirit/soul, and it's going to make you feel (esp. after the fact) like sh!t.
You've got this, AO!
Getting through that vacation was a major accomplishment! You definitely deserve some solid, soul restoring me-time. That isn't available in a can or bottle. Think the drink through--it's going to take you to a place that you don't want to be, it's going to rip at your spirit/soul, and it's going to make you feel (esp. after the fact) like sh!t.
You've got this, AO!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,991
Hello, Alphaomega,
I don't know the history of your relationship with your mother, but amongst other things, I'm learning in sobriety that I've been too much of a pushover in friendships/family relationships, because, like you, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good.
Look at what you got thru, and celebrate that! And perhaps as you reflect on the time with your mother, you may be able to come up with ways to safeguard yourself against such stresses again.
Perhaps once you're home in your own home, with your usual routine, things will quiet again. Why drink? No reason to put yourself thru more anguish!
Step away from the ledge!!
I don't know the history of your relationship with your mother, but amongst other things, I'm learning in sobriety that I've been too much of a pushover in friendships/family relationships, because, like you, sometimes I'm too nice for my own good.
Look at what you got thru, and celebrate that! And perhaps as you reflect on the time with your mother, you may be able to come up with ways to safeguard yourself against such stresses again.
Perhaps once you're home in your own home, with your usual routine, things will quiet again. Why drink? No reason to put yourself thru more anguish!
Step away from the ledge!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Read this.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-alcohell.html
None of those things really sound like a good reward for some really solid, hard earned sobriety. But that is what you will get. Your AV would have you forget these things but they will be back with a vengeance and in a hurry should you choose to listen to it rather than reason.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-alcohell.html
None of those things really sound like a good reward for some really solid, hard earned sobriety. But that is what you will get. Your AV would have you forget these things but they will be back with a vengeance and in a hurry should you choose to listen to it rather than reason.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Just a few days ago, I was yapping about "taking alcohol off the table."
How did it get back on the table ?
I can only describe what I'm feeling as a pit in my stomach, gnawing feeling.
And I want it gone. Like, now. <<baby brat mode.
How did it get back on the table ?
I can only describe what I'm feeling as a pit in my stomach, gnawing feeling.
And I want it gone. Like, now. <<baby brat mode.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Alpha, I completely understand you thinking. Your AV voice's think, really! I would be feeling the same way. Don't do it. You know you will regret it. You know it. Can you think of a different reward? Can you slink away to a hot bath, with a cup of tea and candles? Or some other induglent thing you love that is not drinking? Exercise? a nap?
Well done on all of that, though! I hope you had a good vacation, despite the stressful side of it.
Well done on all of that, though! I hope you had a good vacation, despite the stressful side of it.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
This is one of the most irritating things in sobriety alphaomega. Days, weeks, months later if we're unusually happy because of an event, relieved that something is over, or unhappy about something, the brain pathways still travel to that proverbial bottle in the memory banks. It takes so much to reprogram ourselves that it's not a reward, it's just our programmed go to. It aggravates me to no end.
You survived this trip and got through it. There has to be something that you can do for yourself that's a reward that won't end how you know it will end if you drink.
What can you think of?
You survived this trip and got through it. There has to be something that you can do for yourself that's a reward that won't end how you know it will end if you drink.
What can you think of?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I think maybe just being out of her space will help. She's right next to me. Shhhhh.
I have played caretaker and it is so so bad for my spirit. She sucks the very soul out of me and anyone around her.
If I can just figure out how to get through tonight without falling face first in 2 bottles of Chardonnay, I should be out of the woods by tomorrow.
It's this damn ache I can't shake. And the justification. It's really a scary place.
I have played caretaker and it is so so bad for my spirit. She sucks the very soul out of me and anyone around her.
If I can just figure out how to get through tonight without falling face first in 2 bottles of Chardonnay, I should be out of the woods by tomorrow.
It's this damn ache I can't shake. And the justification. It's really a scary place.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Finding a quiet place away from all the drama,
all the noise, all the people, like a golf course
to play a round of golf or just to putt some balls.
You'd be outside feeling the sun on ur face, the
wind, just a moment to breath deeply and relax.
I guess that is why my husband and I look
forward to packing up our Harley and head
out of town, away from work, just the 2 of
us and ride free in the wind.
In recovery, it is important to take care
of ourselves with the help of a recovery
program to guide us in order to be useful
to others. If im not doing good in all areas
of my own life, then I wont be good for
anyone else.
Take care of you by going to any lengths
to not drink today. Leave yesterday behind
you and realize tomorrow hasn't come yet.
Stay in today and remain sober.
all the noise, all the people, like a golf course
to play a round of golf or just to putt some balls.
You'd be outside feeling the sun on ur face, the
wind, just a moment to breath deeply and relax.
I guess that is why my husband and I look
forward to packing up our Harley and head
out of town, away from work, just the 2 of
us and ride free in the wind.
In recovery, it is important to take care
of ourselves with the help of a recovery
program to guide us in order to be useful
to others. If im not doing good in all areas
of my own life, then I wont be good for
anyone else.
Take care of you by going to any lengths
to not drink today. Leave yesterday behind
you and realize tomorrow hasn't come yet.
Stay in today and remain sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
I just got back from an 11 day cruise where I was subjected to alcohol at every turn, even free stuff. I'm a bit punch drunk this week so I noticed I have to keep my guard up in these situations. We can't take away real life situations that stress us, so we have to learn to deal with it without the ole crutch.
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