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How to work w/ a sponsor

Old 01-03-2014, 09:37 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Fantastic Carlotta! That describes most meetings in Bellevue.
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Old 01-03-2014, 09:39 PM
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Behold the power of NO
 
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now if you want really gritty go to Cherry Hill
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Old 01-03-2014, 09:54 PM
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I've only made it to the Seattle Unity Church as far as Seattle. I want to check out the Troll. Not sure about Cherry Hill. The Eastside/Bellevue ones can be a bit dull so I throw in a Seattle one every now and then for a change. The gritty ones seem more real as far as people talking about their addictions and emotions but they sometimes scare the crap out of me!
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:03 PM
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I steer clear of drunkologues and clubhouses, I do not find them conducive to my recovery and found out that a lot of the people who dwell there do not have anything I want.
I know we are supposed to identify and not compare but I am high bottom and going to those settings stirs my av up and I start thinking along the lines of "I wasn't that bad" ....that's dangerous territory so I stick with the steps and solution oriented meetings.
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:05 PM
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What is a clubhouse?
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Old 01-03-2014, 10:11 PM
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It's a place which is managed by people other then AA/NA where they have 12 steps meetings all day and evening long. Cherry Hill is one. It can be great for newcomers who have nowhere else to go and no friends and are struggling, just not something for me.
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Old 01-03-2014, 11:04 PM
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Yeah probably not for me either. I am a high bottom gal and I find that all the gritty stuff allows me to do a lot of bargaining with myself. I find myself saying "wow clearly I do not belong here," when in fact I do but given the fact my life is pretty much in tact (no career setbacks, financial down falls, brushes with the law, etc.) I have in both the past and present had my am I really prone to rationalizing my behavior.
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Old 01-03-2014, 11:10 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

Contact the meeting organizer immediately. You didn't share that she literally trespassed to come to your home. To be frank I would have personally called the police by now. She is a potential safety threat to others she might have personal info via the meetings and the organizers need to know. This has nothing to do with AA either, the woman is a threat. I'd recommend avoiding contact of any kind going forward.
I did and his feedback was similar to what you have just said. She apparently just started attending this meeting around the same time I did and does not socialize with many of the core members so he did not know what to tell me. He did caution me to treat folks at meetings like I would going on blind dates "Be open but once your outside the group with someone don't be afraid to speak up if you're made uncomfortable and let them know you will not be 'seeing them again.' Good advice I think.
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Old 01-04-2014, 12:53 AM
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That's very good advice I think as well.
I look at the meetings I attend for the first time either gritty, dull or completely of track as "what did I get out of this?"or "what did I contribute?"

so, so ,so many different ones but as you have said LB along with others just keep going until you find the ones you like!

And as far a few posts earlier, great job for dropping that first woman, I do hope that you are able to find a new sponsor with longevity in the program and one who works her steps in everyday life!!!

Take It Easy

Matt
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Old 01-04-2014, 05:36 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
To me this person is crossing boundaries that shouldn't ever be crossed regardless of an AA sponsorship or not. I would not only end the relationship immediately, but report her actions to the meeting organizer. People like that have no business being in any kind of situation where they have any sort of control or mentorsship over another, regardless of AA or not

Agree 100%. Her behavior is way out of line.
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Old 01-04-2014, 07:09 AM
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The role of a sponsor is to guide a person through the steps, anything beyond that MUST be mutually agreed upon. Some sponsors don't want to be any more involved, some sponsees don't want to be anymore involved.

My first sponsor was pretty overbearing, because HER sponsor was that way with her. I wanted to work the program and do the steps, not hand my life decisions over to basically a stranger.

That didn't work. My second sponsor guided me in the steps and shared his experience, strength and hope, but absolutely supported me in making my own decisions etc. With his guidance I got and remained clean and sober.

If you are put off F2F sponsorship for now. I know an AA site where you can get an online sponsor.

When I got into the program. I didn't give anyone my full name or address, not even a sponsor. It's an anonymous program, and with good reason. And face it, not all of us are stable, trustworthy or honest.
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Old 01-05-2014, 07:42 PM
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Yoikes.

I'd check out some other groups and spend some time listening to and talking to older, sober members before picking a new sponsor. Assuming you want to keep giving AA a go.

My first sponsor was a micromanager. I can see that that was an approach that she needed from her sponsor so that's how she wanted to sponsor others. Not for me.

I had to cut ties with someone who became quite militant with me about working the program etc.

AA has a lot of sick people. Not all of them have good recovery. I try to find and focus on the ones who do, and be a little wary of those who latch onto me very quickly. I keep people at arms length for a good long while and never get too buddy buddy with anyone. You never know when/if crazy is going to surface.
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Old 01-05-2014, 10:16 PM
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Sometimes people ask what to ask a prospective sponsor and I think those three questions are appropriate:
a) Have you done all the steps and are you willing to work them?
b) Do you believe in the slogan "live and let live"?
c) What do you think about rule #62?
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