TexasMichael

Good to see you back autan.

For the first time in over 30 years I am at 292 Days Sober today.

Avoiding the AV is so easy now.

I am 100% certain I could drink normally now, if I wanted to.

I'm also 100% certain that within six months or less I would be back to drinking every day.

Posts like yours are a good reminder of why I am staying sober today.

Congrats on Day 5! Wishing you many more.

GLitz22

That sound an interesting concoction. I have rose tea in the evenings which is black lose leaf tea infused with rose petals. Very relaxing and had a bit of body to it. Some of these teas can be a bit lacking..fruit especially. Lavender I like very much so will give that a try.

GLitz22

TM. Sometime the further away we are from our first drink the more our mind thinks that maybe we could drink normally.We will see? Lets try it? Im sure I will be okay this time. etc etc.
As they say once a drunk always a drunk. Not very nice but there we are. At least we have that to remind ourselves that this is a permanent issue not a permanent solution. Day by day we deal with it in small manageable amounts. Keeping it simple....

GLitz22

By the way TM well done on progress...!!

autan

I am currently drinking Nettle Tea with a slice of lime. It is amazing how good these teas taste. I have significantly reduced the amount of coffee per day, nothing to do with my sobriety, just because I like to relax while I work and I suspect I was drinking too much coffee as I was up and down off my seat all day.

I find the teas relaxing and thats important for me at the moment. I am on day 5 and have no AV and no cravings. Things have never gone this well before.

I think it is in part because I have told myself, no matter what, I am not going to drink alcohol anymore. I am not on a break, I am not day counting in a way where I am trying to break my own records.

I have told myself this is it. I did the same thing when I quit smoking 4 years ago. I had a relapse on the cigs and never smoked since. I am hoping it is the same with the booze.

autan

Thank you so much. Congratulations on nearly 300 days sober. WOW

autan

Just checking in (Day 6), the AV had a good but failed attempt this evening. Feeling pretty positive, coming up to the one week mark in a little over an hour.

PurpleKnight

Great stuff autan!! . . . don't let the bugger get in there!! . . . your first post of this thread is something to reread in tough times!!

autan

Thanks purpleknight, I really needed to hear that. I'm off to bed, early start. Night All.

KateL

Sleep well x

TexasMichael

Congratulations on one SOBER week autan!

I also drink tea every day.

Got my morning tea, my evening tea, a whole variety.

And not one hangover from any of them in almost ten months.

Keep at it. You'll be at a month and beyond in no time.

Imabuleva

It is socially acceptable for you to drink too, Autan. It just seems likely that if you do, the consequences will not be pretty.

Actively drinking alcoholics tend to die horrible deaths and more often than not hurt others at least emotionally in the process. There is no happy ending to drinking as an alcoholic.

Aellyce

Hi autan, I'm on Day1 today, like you were when starting this thread, after many relapses. Congrats to you on a week, that is wonderful!!

autan

Thanks, I am feeling less tired now and wake up positive.

I have really benefited from coming on here and posting and reading others peoples struggles and we do all have a common theme.

That is, we are all alcoholics, but our Alcoholic Voice, tells us all, that its ok to drink in moderation, that one drink everyonce in a while wont hurt us. I have accepted this time, that the last relapse really was the breaking point for me.

You see I had all the information at hand, all the arguments, why I shouldnt pick up a drink, a shed load of encouragement not to drink, yet I still drank that first can of larger.

I can control not drinking that first drink, but I have no control over any drink after that. I didnt even bother to pour the contents of the can into a glass, just gulping it down as fast as I could. Then like a crazed and depraved creature, I would want more. How much was enough as much as I could get and if I didnt satisfy that lust of drink, I became angry and aggressive.

This really isnt me, I am a naturally a nice person, who tries to the best he can for his family and friends, but when I drink, its like I dont care about them anymore. This hurts them and I have taken the decision never again to take the risk.

I have made my signature, a note to myself, whereby whenever I feel like a drink, I can come on here and read any of my previous posts and instead of my AV telling me what to do, theres a little piece of advice to myself to remind myself, that I very nearly came close to losing everything. Thankfully I found this forum and started to ask myself some very difficult questions.

I didn't like the answers and so I had a clear choice, continue to drink and eventually end up divorced, stopped from seeing my Son. Lose my business, drink more and end up in hospital or dead. That doesn't sound any kind of fun and I realised I had done a lifetime of drinking and damage and it was pretty awful trying to sleep, with the room spinning, being sick, waking up with a soar throat, usually inflamed with the flappy bit at the back swollen. Being sick, massive headache and then too drunk to even go anywhere the next morning.

Only to repeat the who process again a few hours later. My Wife begged me in October to go to rehab, which I did and I got Sober for 2 months. I got to Christmas and New Year and resented the fact, that I wouldn't allow myself to drink. I decided I could drink in moderation and that I wasn't actually an alcoholic in fact I was just seeking attention surely.

This was a mistake, I am an alcoholic and I cannot control the amount I drink, so my only hope of keeping nearly 40 years of everything I hold most dear is to not drink again. A very small price to pay.

I can drink as much tea (which I like very much), as often as I like. I can drink coffee, milk and non-alcoholic beers, wines and ciders in situations where others are drinking. I can do this on one rule to myself, my golden commandment:

Autan, must never under any circumstances drink alcohol again. The risks are too high.

Sorry for the long rant, this post is as much for me to look back on and reflect as much as sharing my experiences.

GLitz22

Loved your share..like being at a meeting. Really appreciate it! Thanks A.

autan

Day 8 Sober.

Things are not so good. I had terrible nightmares last night and tremors. Shaking violently even after I awoke.

Was about to call the Doctor, when he rang me (by co-incidence), my blood test I took, before I stopped this time has come back with dangerously low thyroid levels. He has had to prescribe me Hormone Replacement Therapy (Thyroxine) for the rest of my life. He said the words I never wanted to hear ever and always thought I would stop drinking before I got them. Without my medication, I would be dead in a matter of weeks. Low thyroxine in the blood is a major cause of cardiac arrest.

I am a little upset and I have to get my new medication now, but this is all the more reason to stay sober and keep sober for me. I have damaged my one and only body beyond medical repair, through no ones fault but my own.

I am a stupid f00000g ar--se.

autan

No more posts from me today. Good luck everybody, I will check in tomorrow. xxx

autan

Hi Everyone,

I have been to 2 AA meetings this morning and feel a whole lot better. Just started day 1 of my meds. You would not believe what it says on the information. "Not to taken with alcohol".

Thats sound advice.

Basically, from years of drinking, my Thyroid isn't producing anywhere near the amount Thyroxine hormone needed to keep me alive. The levels of a normal person are around 500 and mine are 127. Hospitalisation occurs at 100.

My Doctor has told me, I have stopped drinking at the last possible moment before, I did damage I wouldn't walk away from. I have to take these hormone tablets every day for the rest of my life or my body will shut down and I will suffer a cardiac arrest (heart attack) and die. I can think of no better motivation to continue of the path of sobriety.

So it looks like your stuck with me. I cant go back to drinking even if the AV managed to convince me.

I can live a normal healthy life but there are 3 things I must avoid.

1) No alcohol, my body no longer produces enough thyroxine (T4) to enable the liver to remove toxins in alcohol from my body.

2) No more than a level teaspoon of table salt per day, to sprinkle on food. I also need to check the salt content of items purchased.

3) I must avoid, Cabbages, Kale, Sprouts and Brocolli they contain hormones that reduce the capacity of the thyroid even further. (No more sprouts at xmas) lol

The Doctor has said, in all probability the thyroid may have become damaged due to a poor diet and excess alcohol. My diet has been very poor, especially when I have been on a benders.

There is no reversal and no cure for Hypothyroidria, like diabetes it with you for life.
Just another reason to quit the drink and live a sober life.

ClearMind

Well look at the bright side autoran, if this medication you're set to take for the rest of your life isn't to be taken with alcohol, then that's all the more reason to focus on your sobriety. How are you feeling now that you're on your second week of sobriety?

ClearMind

I've been following your posts for a little bit now autan, and you have a way about you that makes it impossible not to root for you. Maybe it's because most of what you were struggling with is exactly my own story too. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better and feeling more positive though! Keep posting!