KatieA

This is the day I give up alcohol. I'm 30 years old, married, and mother of a beautiful little boy. Sorry if this is poorly written, I have been drinking for the last two days. Then finally, last night, I knew I had to stop and told my husband. He said he is going to leave me if I don't.

I'm so good at justifying drinking almost every night at home. Just a little wine, I use it for cooking, but I ALWAYS find myself unable to stop. I have a severe mental illness, my mother killed herself a few years ago, my father drank himself to death at 36.

I love going out, I love partying and I feel like a better mother when I'm slightly drunk. Playing with my son is less boring and I can handle everything. I know that this is it for me. I hate myself SO MUCH, but dying is not an option, I don't want to leave my son. So I found this forum, ordered a book, and I am going to empty out all the bottles.

Thanks for listening.

Katie

FreeOwl

sounds like you're right there at the doorway, Katie....

Now just gotta have the willingness and commitment to step on through.

Get to a meeting if you can, it will help.

diffingo911

Hi Katie, Welcome- It's a big step, for sure. There is a lot of support and experience here.

jazzfish

Welcome, Katie.

It is tough to make the decision to quit. Have you thought about a plan for quitting? There are numerous approaches to getting and living sober.

Iluvdisney

So happy you found SR! Everyone is AMAZING here. Please visit ALOT! You will find so much information and support. You are not alone!! And you have made such a great decision!!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Katie!!

You've made the best decision you'll ever make!!

Dee74

Welcome Katie

I can identify with thinking everything was just that little bit better with alcohol - including myself.

I think most of us can.

Thats the big lie tho...with some sober time I can look back and see I was utterly fooling myself - I wasn't better at all, my world was shrinking and I was becoming less and less capable and less and less a person I wanted to be.

I was digging a deeper and deeper hole...and eventually... it swallowed me up.

You;re smart to think about this now before you hit that point.

I thank God I had a second chance. I love my life and who I am and there are happy ever after stories after drinking.

Start yours today?
D

CODPlayer

Welcome to SR, Katie!

Johnston

Welcome, you'll be a better mother for your son sober.

Cascabel

Welcome Katie. The way you feel right now is a consequence of the way alcohol affects your nervous system: a lot of things improve when the alcohol is gone. We all have to find our own way to sobriety as will you. SR is a good resource and wonderful support for you 24/7. It doesn't help to hate oneself, try focusing that energy on hating alcohol. Alcohol is your enemy, not you. We're all cheering for you!

KateL

Welcome. Great decision. xxxxxxxx

cheebiechi

Welcome,

I agree with all of the above, and for me it was the wanting to quit and to wanting a better life for MYSELF, so I gave it a go and its amazing how much sobriety has helped my life!!!

With my life getting better it has improved the lives close to me as well!!!

Matt

SoberMama13

Katie,
Please don't be afraid to get medical help with detox. I didn't think I needed it ,but wow was I wrong and it saved my life and started me on the road to sanity.
One day at a time.
Hugs to you and your little one.

liberated

WELCOME KATIE! Lots of us with stories- including me- that sound like yours. Keep your mind set and dont let the beast back in- dont even look its way. Hold onto us- sobriety is one hell of a sweet ride!

KatieA

Thank you, everybody, this really, really helps. My husband hates alcohol and don't understand why I'm so depressed, to him it's just something that I'm *not* going to do anymore. To me it's like losing a friend. A sh*tty, lying, fatal friend, but I'm still grieving, and then there's the shame. To blackouts. Concerned looks on people's faces, comments. It's all so clear. I don't have a programme, but I am here, I have bought a book about quitting and I am getting myself a ring as a symbol of sobriety. I need to quit being around my best friend, who is a raging alcoholic, another thing that has made me overlook my own absuse for so long, I knew I was drinking too much, sure, but at least I didn't drink in the morning or get the shakes, so how bad could it be? Pretty bad. I may have lost the love of my life. He has almost no trust left in me. But I need to do this with or without him. And hopefully my son will grow up with no severe emotional scars. I'm praying.

KatieA

Thanks. I take seroquel in small quantities, that helps.