New year, old me, new effort!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
New year, old me, new effort!
Hello all, I was posting regularly in the three months leading upo to Christmas and managed about three months sober. Then I lapsed leading up to Christmas, stopped for a few days and then the holiday took it's toll unfortunately. House guests, changes in routine and all the rest of it etc..
I won'y go into my history again as I have already and a few of you may well remember it. Suffice to say I am on the 'shallower' end of heavy drinking, which in some ways has made it harder for me to quit I think. The 'cost' has never been huge and I have never had what you might call a rock bottom - quite a few 'feeling absolutely terrible' though and addiction is certainly what I suffer from.
The biggest problem with quitting for me seems to be flatness and depression. Three months - or just shy of it - isn't perhaps long enough to allow for adjustment, so I will simply stick it out. I also seem to need peer support so despite not really getting on with the AA approach I will start going again. I like many of the people who go to local meetings and it helped a lot.
Here's wishing myself and everyone else here all the best with getting or remaining sober in 2014!
I won'y go into my history again as I have already and a few of you may well remember it. Suffice to say I am on the 'shallower' end of heavy drinking, which in some ways has made it harder for me to quit I think. The 'cost' has never been huge and I have never had what you might call a rock bottom - quite a few 'feeling absolutely terrible' though and addiction is certainly what I suffer from.
The biggest problem with quitting for me seems to be flatness and depression. Three months - or just shy of it - isn't perhaps long enough to allow for adjustment, so I will simply stick it out. I also seem to need peer support so despite not really getting on with the AA approach I will start going again. I like many of the people who go to local meetings and it helped a lot.
Here's wishing myself and everyone else here all the best with getting or remaining sober in 2014!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Hi mentium . I think the holiday season will have cost a lot of people. The change of routine,lots of parties, people,stress etc etc. I for one am glad it is over and I can get back into some sort of routine. The important thing now is to get back on the horse. You know that you cannot change the past so don't waste any mental energy on regret. You have proved you can string some sober time together so do it again and see where it takes you. Can you learn anything from your relapse? Any specific triggers? Could you do anything different next time? All the best
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome back Mentium 
I think a lot of us can get into some fairly black and white thinking...I know there were times when sobriety did not meet my expectations so I simply returned to drinking, when what I should have done was look at my recovery effort holistically.
Have faith - it will work out if you commit to ever moving forward
D
I think a lot of us can get into some fairly black and white thinking...I know there were times when sobriety did not meet my expectations so I simply returned to drinking, when what I should have done was look at my recovery effort holistically.
Have faith - it will work out if you commit to ever moving forward
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Wishing you the very best for 2014 Mentium.
You may have heard in AA that we 'need to let go of our old ideas'.
Bloody tough for this alcoholic, but essential if i am to enjoy and maintain my sobriety.
I have 40 years worth of old ideas to let go of!!!!!!.
Toughest for me (and still is) is the belief that i can soldier on alone.
For me, the business of recovery is a 'WE' thing now, however reluctant i may be to accept it at times.
Very best wishes.
Gary
You may have heard in AA that we 'need to let go of our old ideas'.
Bloody tough for this alcoholic, but essential if i am to enjoy and maintain my sobriety.
I have 40 years worth of old ideas to let go of!!!!!!.
Toughest for me (and still is) is the belief that i can soldier on alone.
For me, the business of recovery is a 'WE' thing now, however reluctant i may be to accept it at times.
Very best wishes.
Gary
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
About the rock bottom part. I think it's individual by defenition, or more specifically the events themselves. Some need something really tragic like a major health consequences or killing someone by driving drunk.
For me it was an analyses of the probability of the events that could happen in the future. I had 100% chance of being unhappy, same for health consequences, relationship problems, not seeing my son get married etc.
I after constructing my future 15 years from now in my mind, the picture became clear. The rock would hit me in the head before I hit rock bottom.
For me it was an analyses of the probability of the events that could happen in the future. I had 100% chance of being unhappy, same for health consequences, relationship problems, not seeing my son get married etc.
I after constructing my future 15 years from now in my mind, the picture became clear. The rock would hit me in the head before I hit rock bottom.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Glad to see you back mentium!
You only go as low as you need or want. I didn't have a low bottom, thank god, but I didn't need one to know that I didn't drink like a normal person or that it couldn't get worse. Sounds like you have a good plan in place.
You only go as low as you need or want. I didn't have a low bottom, thank god, but I didn't need one to know that I didn't drink like a normal person or that it couldn't get worse. Sounds like you have a good plan in place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
I have heard it said at AA meetings that the reason the success rate there is relatively low these days compared to its early days is that back then people were really at the end of the road when they joined, whereas these days people with rather less acute situations often join up and aren't really ready for a do it or die relationship with the organisation.
I'm not sure about that myself. I know that alcohol has made me more miserable, depressed, anxious and nuts at times even if it has not wrecked my life in the way it has for many people.
I'm just lucky in that respect. I don't deserve it frankly given the way I have abused it.
I just want to be rid of the whole ghastly business. Really and deeply want to.
I'm not sure about that myself. I know that alcohol has made me more miserable, depressed, anxious and nuts at times even if it has not wrecked my life in the way it has for many people.
I'm just lucky in that respect. I don't deserve it frankly given the way I have abused it.
I just want to be rid of the whole ghastly business. Really and deeply want to.
Originally Posted by Thepatman 
About the rock bottom part. I think it's individual by defenition, or more specifically the events themselves. Some need something really tragic like a major health consequences or killing someone by driving drunk.
For me it was an analyses of the probability of the events that could happen in the future. I had 100% chance of being unhappy, same for health consequences, relationship problems, not seeing my son get married etc.
I after constructing my future 15 years from now in my mind, the picture became clear. The rock would hit me in the head before I hit rock bottom.
For me it was an analyses of the probability of the events that could happen in the future. I had 100% chance of being unhappy, same for health consequences, relationship problems, not seeing my son get married etc.
I after constructing my future 15 years from now in my mind, the picture became clear. The rock would hit me in the head before I hit rock bottom.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I totally agree that something really bad can be a motivator.
I saw my grand father die of this, and my mom in 2007.
They never did hit their rock bottom I guess.
That being said, I am not waiting for something like above to hit me.
I saw my grand father die of this, and my mom in 2007.
They never did hit their rock bottom I guess.
That being said, I am not waiting for something like above to hit me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
And btw my mom did AA for 15 years before she relapsed and never got up because she felt so guilty for her sponsor and the people she let down.
So let's not start with AA this morning please. Thanks
So let's not start with AA this morning please. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think you're onto something there Mentium...
I have been in and out of AA a few times - and intend, hope, pray and believe this will be the final IN...
But what you say rings true for me; because I wasn't at death's door, physically addicted to the point of inability to stop, not drunk every time I drank, able to give myself plenty of "evidence" that I wasn't REALLY an alcoholic.
But I think that when we're in that place.... we are in a very BLESSED and fortunate place.... the place of BECOMING an alcoholic but in a position to stop the progression. The term "Becoming" alcoholic has helped me combat the little voice trying to convince me I'm not one. I can say to that voice, "OK, fine. But let's look at the evidence I'm BECOMING one". I can then review the decades of evidence. There is plenty. And then, at the end of that review I can say to that voice "I may or may not BE an alcoholic.... but I am convinced I am becoming one, that my life is becoming unmanageable, and that I CHOOSE not to throw it all away and become one all the way down to the rockiest rock bottom....".
Ahhh... and then I can sit back and realize that even the very fact I have to play these little head games with my Alcoholic Voice is sound evidence that I am, indeed, an alcoholic.
I have been in and out of AA a few times - and intend, hope, pray and believe this will be the final IN...
But what you say rings true for me; because I wasn't at death's door, physically addicted to the point of inability to stop, not drunk every time I drank, able to give myself plenty of "evidence" that I wasn't REALLY an alcoholic.
But I think that when we're in that place.... we are in a very BLESSED and fortunate place.... the place of BECOMING an alcoholic but in a position to stop the progression. The term "Becoming" alcoholic has helped me combat the little voice trying to convince me I'm not one. I can say to that voice, "OK, fine. But let's look at the evidence I'm BECOMING one". I can then review the decades of evidence. There is plenty. And then, at the end of that review I can say to that voice "I may or may not BE an alcoholic.... but I am convinced I am becoming one, that my life is becoming unmanageable, and that I CHOOSE not to throw it all away and become one all the way down to the rockiest rock bottom....".
Ahhh... and then I can sit back and realize that even the very fact I have to play these little head games with my Alcoholic Voice is sound evidence that I am, indeed, an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
When this website bans discussion about the means i use to stay well then i'll quit using it. Until then it's AA. Will post on that forum in future where tolerance for such may be a little higher....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
There's actually no rule in AA that one is required to announce one is an 'alcoholic when one speaks. It is simply a tradition as you probably know.
For me all I know is that it is an addiction and that when I drink regularly the idea of a 'night off' is well nigh impossible. I either drink or I don't. I guess that means I am an alcoholic, but I try not to beat myself up about the connotations and judgements that tend to go along with the word - at least in the public's perception.
For me all I know is that it is an addiction and that when I drink regularly the idea of a 'night off' is well nigh impossible. I either drink or I don't. I guess that means I am an alcoholic, but I try not to beat myself up about the connotations and judgements that tend to go along with the word - at least in the public's perception.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I think you're onto something there Mentium...
I have been in and out of AA a few times - and intend, hope, pray and believe this will be the final IN...
But what you say rings true for me; because I wasn't at death's door, physically addicted to the point of inability to stop, not drunk every time I drank, able to give myself plenty of "evidence" that I wasn't REALLY an alcoholic.
But I think that when we're in that place.... we are in a very BLESSED and fortunate place.... the place of BECOMING an alcoholic but in a position to stop the progression. The term "Becoming" alcoholic has helped me combat the little voice trying to convince me I'm not one. I can say to that voice, "OK, fine. But let's look at the evidence I'm BECOMING one". I can then review the decades of evidence. There is plenty. And then, at the end of that review I can say to that voice "I may or may not BE an alcoholic.... but I am convinced I am becoming one, that my life is becoming unmanageable, and that I CHOOSE not to throw it all away and become one all the way down to the rockiest rock bottom....".
Ahhh... and then I can sit back and realize that even the very fact I have to play these little head games with my Alcoholic Voice is sound evidence that I am, indeed, an alcoholic.
I have been in and out of AA a few times - and intend, hope, pray and believe this will be the final IN...
But what you say rings true for me; because I wasn't at death's door, physically addicted to the point of inability to stop, not drunk every time I drank, able to give myself plenty of "evidence" that I wasn't REALLY an alcoholic.
But I think that when we're in that place.... we are in a very BLESSED and fortunate place.... the place of BECOMING an alcoholic but in a position to stop the progression. The term "Becoming" alcoholic has helped me combat the little voice trying to convince me I'm not one. I can say to that voice, "OK, fine. But let's look at the evidence I'm BECOMING one". I can then review the decades of evidence. There is plenty. And then, at the end of that review I can say to that voice "I may or may not BE an alcoholic.... but I am convinced I am becoming one, that my life is becoming unmanageable, and that I CHOOSE not to throw it all away and become one all the way down to the rockiest rock bottom....".
Ahhh... and then I can sit back and realize that even the very fact I have to play these little head games with my Alcoholic Voice is sound evidence that I am, indeed, an alcoholic.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I used to make things very complicated for myself. I was forever finding obstacles roadblocks and buts.
Not bad in itself...but I'd keep drinking...sometimes I wonder if my endless analysis then wasn't a very subtle form of self sabotage.
I'd focus on the basics Mentium, and on action.
Don't drink.
Be Happy.
Do everything you need to keep that going
D
Not bad in itself...but I'd keep drinking...sometimes I wonder if my endless analysis then wasn't a very subtle form of self sabotage.
I'd focus on the basics Mentium, and on action.
Don't drink.
Be Happy.
Do everything you need to keep that going
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Back on track here on day two. I attended a great AA meeting last night. Funny how one tends to hear what what needs to at those. Last night the message I got was 'keep coming back'. So I will.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 250
Hi Mentium, and welcome back. Congrats on day two!
When I first joined SR I was a "problem drinker" who knew I needed to take control of my life. I tried moderate drinking, strict rules about how, when and what I could drink. In any case, it didn't take long for me to cross the border into Alcoholic Land. I too was suffering from underlying psychological and medical issues that were not being addressed. Depression was a major impediment for my recovery and a serious condition. Mine was severe and I didn't understand how serious it was until I stopped drinking. Now that I am being properly treated, it is much easier to deal with everyday life. In any case, I just wanted to say "welcome back," and that I hope you will consider seeing a doctor and/or a psychotherapist about your depression. It will most likely help.
When I first joined SR I was a "problem drinker" who knew I needed to take control of my life. I tried moderate drinking, strict rules about how, when and what I could drink. In any case, it didn't take long for me to cross the border into Alcoholic Land. I too was suffering from underlying psychological and medical issues that were not being addressed. Depression was a major impediment for my recovery and a serious condition. Mine was severe and I didn't understand how serious it was until I stopped drinking. Now that I am being properly treated, it is much easier to deal with everyday life. In any case, I just wanted to say "welcome back," and that I hope you will consider seeing a doctor and/or a psychotherapist about your depression. It will most likely help.
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Hey Mentium. Congrats on day two. I hear you when it comes to the flatness and depression in early sobriety. But I've heard countless times "don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens". So that's exactly what I'm doing -- giving it time while actively working on my recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Thank you all. Lomney - will say high in the class of September shortly! 1stthingfirst - I am on a low(ish) dose anti-depressant and have been for a couple of years. Frankly I don't feel I get an awful of of help from my GP - more a process of 'next customer please', but perhaps that is my fault for not persisting. I halved the dose when drinking and have uped it to the prescribed level now I'm not, which is probably not sensible but there you go. Once I get a couple of months going I will visit again if I need to I think.
Just back from a long walk on a very windy winter day here. It blew some of the intense irritability I am feeling away! That will pass in a day or two though I am sure
Just back from a long walk on a very windy winter day here. It blew some of the intense irritability I am feeling away! That will pass in a day or two though I am sure
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