My dads addiction
Broken_Dreams
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Sydney
Posts: 4
My dads addiction
Hey everyone, I am new to this and I just wanted advice.
I'm 15 years old and a few months ago found out my dad is a crystal meth addict. For a couple of years I've started noticing dramatic changes to my dad including his rapid weight loss... He also never has money since he spends it on drugs. he shows no emotion towards us and my mother moved us 2 hours away and we lived in a refuge for 3 months. It was me, my mother, 6 year old brother and 13 year old sister all sharing one small room, while my father was left to our 3 bedroom home all for himself, spending all his money. He didnt pay child support and never talked to us. I feel he got a taste of freedom after being married to my mum for 15 years.. Now 7 months later my mother wants to come back to him. He still hasn't stopped the drugs though. And now that we've come back I can easily see all the signs, which I was unable to before. This whole experience has shattered me and my confidence. He gets aggravated so easily and it's impacting heavily on my family. I am depressed from all this misery that I've seen my mum face but I can't help seeing my father slowly deteriorate. I try to suggest to my mum to get him help but she assures me that he's the only person that can help himself. She has suggested rehab to him but he continuously promises to get clean but it never happens. I really don't know what to do I need advice ! Thankyou so much for reading
I'm 15 years old and a few months ago found out my dad is a crystal meth addict. For a couple of years I've started noticing dramatic changes to my dad including his rapid weight loss... He also never has money since he spends it on drugs. he shows no emotion towards us and my mother moved us 2 hours away and we lived in a refuge for 3 months. It was me, my mother, 6 year old brother and 13 year old sister all sharing one small room, while my father was left to our 3 bedroom home all for himself, spending all his money. He didnt pay child support and never talked to us. I feel he got a taste of freedom after being married to my mum for 15 years.. Now 7 months later my mother wants to come back to him. He still hasn't stopped the drugs though. And now that we've come back I can easily see all the signs, which I was unable to before. This whole experience has shattered me and my confidence. He gets aggravated so easily and it's impacting heavily on my family. I am depressed from all this misery that I've seen my mum face but I can't help seeing my father slowly deteriorate. I try to suggest to my mum to get him help but she assures me that he's the only person that can help himself. She has suggested rehab to him but he continuously promises to get clean but it never happens. I really don't know what to do I need advice ! Thankyou so much for reading
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi LoveLostSoul.
Your screen name says a lot.
Sounds like things are at a very disheartening and painful standstill for you. It's a lot for anyone, even a fifteen-year-old, to have to manage.
Since neither of your parents seems interested in getting help, you might strongly consider getting help for yourself. If that's difficult for you to do on your own, you could start with with your school psychologist or guidance counselor, in the event that either is available to you. Or a trusted adult.
It's very courageous of you to come here and ask for help. I'm certain you'll get lots of support.
Continue to let us know how you're doing. No one here will abandon you.
Your screen name says a lot.
Sounds like things are at a very disheartening and painful standstill for you. It's a lot for anyone, even a fifteen-year-old, to have to manage.
Since neither of your parents seems interested in getting help, you might strongly consider getting help for yourself. If that's difficult for you to do on your own, you could start with with your school psychologist or guidance counselor, in the event that either is available to you. Or a trusted adult.
It's very courageous of you to come here and ask for help. I'm certain you'll get lots of support.
Continue to let us know how you're doing. No one here will abandon you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Love LostSoul - welcome
I'm very sorry for your situation, but I'm glad you found us
It's a very lonely thing being the loved one of an addict...have you, or your mum, considered NarAnon for support for yourselves?
D
I'm very sorry for your situation, but I'm glad you found us
It's a very lonely thing being the loved one of an addict...have you, or your mum, considered NarAnon for support for yourselves?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Lost Soul, I am surprised more people have not responded. You are brave for coming here. In Australia you have the Department of Child Protection. I wouldn't hesitate to call them if things get worse. Even now it is not good. This is no way for a young person to grow up. If you involve the authorities it could be really tough on your family. Start with going to your school counselor or favorite teacher as soon as you can.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Sorry LoveLostSoul - I didn't realise you were in Australia.
Kids Help Line could be useful for confidential advice
and DOCS (Community Services) may be of help, but only if you want out of your current situation into care or something - it seems to me tho that's not what you want?
Here's a link to NarAnon Australia too
Do You Need Nar-Anon?
D
Kids Help Line could be useful for confidential advice
Kids Helpline (to age 25)
free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between 5 and 25 on all issues including relationships, abuse, homelessness, suicidal thoughts, and drug and alcohol usage.
Phone: 1800 55 1800 (free call from landline)
Kids Helpline - Web Counselling
free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between 5 and 25 on all issues including relationships, abuse, homelessness, suicidal thoughts, and drug and alcohol usage.
Phone: 1800 55 1800 (free call from landline)
Kids Helpline - Web Counselling
Here's a link to NarAnon Australia too
Do You Need Nar-Anon?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
Lost,
I have lived both sides of this as the daughter of an alcoholic/addict father and now as an alcoholic addict myself. You are incredibly brave too seek help and support. It took me 32 years to do what you have done!
Please know you did not cause your father's addiction, you cannot cure it nor can you control it. All you can do is care for yourself and make healthy choices. If you do not feel emotionally or physically safe at home the healthy choice for you to talk to a trusted adult outside your home about what is going on. Even though the chaos and instability caused by addiction can be embarrassing when you are the child, it is not your shame to bear you have no part in it. When I was in your shoes I felt isolated and alone in my family situation. I also felt like there was no one I could share my feelings with. Now that I am an adult in recovery I know there is a huge community of people that can empathize with what you're going through and want to help!
Please continue to reach out to people for support!
I have lived both sides of this as the daughter of an alcoholic/addict father and now as an alcoholic addict myself. You are incredibly brave too seek help and support. It took me 32 years to do what you have done!
Please know you did not cause your father's addiction, you cannot cure it nor can you control it. All you can do is care for yourself and make healthy choices. If you do not feel emotionally or physically safe at home the healthy choice for you to talk to a trusted adult outside your home about what is going on. Even though the chaos and instability caused by addiction can be embarrassing when you are the child, it is not your shame to bear you have no part in it. When I was in your shoes I felt isolated and alone in my family situation. I also felt like there was no one I could share my feelings with. Now that I am an adult in recovery I know there is a huge community of people that can empathize with what you're going through and want to help!
Please continue to reach out to people for support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
I do understand how hard it is for the entire family in this situation and addiction cause relationships to become very skewed but also do not take on your mom's frustrations or hopelessness in this situation. Remember she is the adult and parent it is her job to protect you not the other way around. Her anguish over it is her own and you cannot take that on.
Swashbuckler
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Nether-world (CA)
Posts: 205
Hi LoveLostSoul.
You sound like a wonderful, smart, caring young girl... and I'm sorry to hear about your predicament; no one should be going through what you are going through.
I can't know how deep your father's gone and is his heart / his real being ever present (otherwise, his conduct is a result of his addiction) but bear in mind only one thing when you talk to anyone: truth connects hearts.
Follow your heart and consult your brain to help you navigate these unfair, stormy waters. The dreams my seem broken today, but they never go away.
Good luck.
You sound like a wonderful, smart, caring young girl... and I'm sorry to hear about your predicament; no one should be going through what you are going through.
I can't know how deep your father's gone and is his heart / his real being ever present (otherwise, his conduct is a result of his addiction) but bear in mind only one thing when you talk to anyone: truth connects hearts.
Follow your heart and consult your brain to help you navigate these unfair, stormy waters. The dreams my seem broken today, but they never go away.
Good luck.
Broken_Dreams
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Sydney
Posts: 4
Yes it is very hard, my mum can't decide whether to go back to my dad or stay where she is. I've enrolled for a new school near where my old house is and were currently on holidays and I have no idea what's going on since my parents themselves haven't decided what to do and I feel as if I'm stuck in the middle and it's just a big mess because of a drug. It's terrible and I wanna get on with my life and enjoy being young but it's not working out
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey LoveLostSoul,
Your post sounds similar to my teenage years, my dad was an alcoholic but never admitted it, his marriage to my mom was ruined by his addiciton, they lasted 17yrs, but by the end he cared more about alcohol than anything else in his life, addiciton can be very selfish, by the time I was 18yrs old my parents had been legally seperated twice, my dad was being physically adusive to my mom, he had lived away from us more than with us, and they finally divorced.
As a teenager I too didn't know what to do, and in hindsight I now realise there's nothing I could have done, as a 15yr old, your not responsible for the mess that your dad is causing, it's not your responsibility to make sure everything works out and your dad sorts himself out, your supposed to be being made feel safe/secure by your parents, not the other way around, and because addiciton has made you feel this way, I hate it for that.
Your mom is right, your dad is the only person who can change himself, he can't be forced, he needs to realise his addiciton and make a decision to change. I put so much energy into fixing things, but in the end, my dad never changed, he died not recognising he even had an addiciton, never apologised or admitted the destruction he caused, in hindsight I wish I had concentrated on just being a teenager as it all didn't make a difference.
I know it's difficult but you need to focus on being you, a teenager, if your dad sorts himself out then great, but don't waste your youth putting energy into something that may never change, you are very brave for posting, and I wish you all the best!!
Your post sounds similar to my teenage years, my dad was an alcoholic but never admitted it, his marriage to my mom was ruined by his addiciton, they lasted 17yrs, but by the end he cared more about alcohol than anything else in his life, addiciton can be very selfish, by the time I was 18yrs old my parents had been legally seperated twice, my dad was being physically adusive to my mom, he had lived away from us more than with us, and they finally divorced.
As a teenager I too didn't know what to do, and in hindsight I now realise there's nothing I could have done, as a 15yr old, your not responsible for the mess that your dad is causing, it's not your responsibility to make sure everything works out and your dad sorts himself out, your supposed to be being made feel safe/secure by your parents, not the other way around, and because addiciton has made you feel this way, I hate it for that.
Your mom is right, your dad is the only person who can change himself, he can't be forced, he needs to realise his addiciton and make a decision to change. I put so much energy into fixing things, but in the end, my dad never changed, he died not recognising he even had an addiciton, never apologised or admitted the destruction he caused, in hindsight I wish I had concentrated on just being a teenager as it all didn't make a difference.
I know it's difficult but you need to focus on being you, a teenager, if your dad sorts himself out then great, but don't waste your youth putting energy into something that may never change, you are very brave for posting, and I wish you all the best!!
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Love, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. When I was a teen my mom left my abusive alcoholic father and we stayed at several shelters to get help. It was tough because I didn't have any control or say over what was happening, I imagine you have to feel the same way.
Look at the links that Dee gave you, I also think your idea of seeing a counselor is a great. Try journaling to get your feelings out and keep coming back here! Hang in there.
Look at the links that Dee gave you, I also think your idea of seeing a counselor is a great. Try journaling to get your feelings out and keep coming back here! Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: California
Posts: 17
My father was a crystal meth addict as well, for most of my life. No advice, just support... I never knew what to do. As a teenager, I copied him and got in deep....which was obviously a huge mistake. take care of yourself first.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: East Sussex
Posts: 326
I don't have any advice really. All i wanted to say is i read that and this is a very brave and really mature of you to reach out for help. Your parents should be very proud of you and i hope everything turns out really well for you :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Just one more thing from me. Please don't do what he does. I copied my drunk father and it ruined my life. Meth is even worse. Your mom can't decided what to do, that is good and bad. She could stay or go. People who are in horrible relationships often stay for a long time because it's somehow easier. I hope she choses the other route. But like everyone said, including you, get to a counselor. You're going to a new school, so on the first day tell them this is a serious situation and you need to talk to someone today.
I hope you and your family can find peace. 
Swashbuckler
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Nether-world (CA)
Posts: 205
You, dear LoveLostSoul, came across as a wonderful soul.
There's no way you can (really) influence so-called "grown-ups" and their behavior, we're all idiots after 18th or 21st birthday anyway, but you may try to start to research how to protect your wonderful soul and achieve inner growth that would, somehow, protect you from insanity addiction creates around you.
What appeals to you is already in you - what you love is where your heart will lead you, so follow it and don't forget to listen to what your soul's instinct is telling you, and what you commons sense is warning you about.
Good luck.
There's no way you can (really) influence so-called "grown-ups" and their behavior, we're all idiots after 18th or 21st birthday anyway, but you may try to start to research how to protect your wonderful soul and achieve inner growth that would, somehow, protect you from insanity addiction creates around you.
What appeals to you is already in you - what you love is where your heart will lead you, so follow it and don't forget to listen to what your soul's instinct is telling you, and what you commons sense is warning you about.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Sacramento, Ca
Posts: 24
Google: help for children of addicts (your city here) then go get some support from other teens in your area. Don't be afraid there are others in the same boat as you and they will understand. Seek support!!!!!!!!!!
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