nicole40

I was 3yrs clean as of 12/24/13. I am unable to attend meeting because of mental illness and got sober on my own. I barely am able to leave my house and have issues being in groups. When i relapsed I went to a friend who is in the program and since then he has not talked to me. Saw him tonight and he walked past me and took the long way just to avoid me. Is this how the AA fellowship works? I know my relapse was a mistake and truly regret it. I wish i could attend meetings but I can't and this is hard doing on my own. The isolation is too much

Dee74

Hi Nicole

I'm not in AA but I know enough to know thats not how it works - it might be how some people in it work tho, and I'm sorry for that...

Have you considered online meetings?

D

MidnightBlue

Hi, Nicole. Welcome to SR!

Sorry you are facing isolation now. I personally have no experience with AA, but I can tell you for sure that SR is the most welcoming and supportive place I know, and there are always people who will understand, encourage you, and give offer kind words and good advice.

Keep posting!

It's a New Year, new start, and new perspectives.

Best wishes to you!

seahorse661

Oh, Nicole, so sorry that happened to you. That is absolutely not how AA works. It may be that this friend finds your relapse threatening to his sobriety for some reason. More about him than about you.

As its difficult for you to get to meetings, keep posting and getting support here.

TigerLili

Maybe your friend is just a jerk :-(

I am sorry about your relapse. I lost three years of sobriety, too.

Post a lot here on SR. It wll help.

1newcreation

Happy ny Nicole
I think he was just ignoring you to cover his own butt; whatever the reason just don't bother bout it coz you're powerless over people, places n things. Avoid loneliness & depression by being around the wonderful fellowship of aa.
If you go w/ both feet in & commit yourself whole heartedly to it, you will wonder why it took so long to get into it

Skye2

Nicole, it's so easy for us to blame ourselves when people act 'oddly', but is there any other reason he went a different direction? Maybe he was late meeting someone, had to pop to a certain shop or even needed to find a toilet.
If he is just avoiding you, then you don't need that sort of negativity in your life anyway Xx

Suekie

Sorry SR is a great place to be.

You didn't LOSE 3 years of sobriety though.. you were sober for 3 years.. you lost continuous sobriety, yes, but as long as you picked yourself up, that is what matters!!

awuh1

We have a group of AA people in our area that brings a meeting to those who are not able to get out. These folks go to hospitals, institutions, as well as visit folks who cannot leave their homes. Call your local AA office. They may have one of these sorts of groups near you.

LadyinBC

Also we have online chat meetings here Tuesday and Fridays they start at 9:00 EST. They are great! You can talk about the topic or whatever you need to talk about.

Kaneda8888

Hey Nicole

What the other posters say about AA is bang on. You should always be welcome back to the rooms. That is why there is only one simple rule for membership to AA: the desire not to drink. That is all. I am sorry to hear about your friend and the way he seemed to have ignored you. Let it be and move on. I am fairly confident that other AA members will reach out and give you support. Yes, online is also a good option. Maybe you can give that a try ?

Thepatman

Don't sweat it, he acted like an ...

No one will turn their back on you here in SR.

KateL

Hi Nicole. That was bit mean but it was only one person. I hope you fund some answers, there is plenty of info here xxxx

least

to the family.

nicole40

Wow thank you for all the replies. Means a lot. 2013 was the year of rejection after rejection for me and isolation that HURTS. I am without any friends and no family I go without any human contact except neighbors - he avoided me going into his apt by walking a long about way - like I said that hurt. I made a mistake by drinking no desire to do it again. I get he has to watch out for his recovery and guard that. I am not trying to jeopardize his recovery at all. I been supportive (minus the relapse) to him. The thing and maybe this is where my judgement comes in they also say avoid places - he goes to events at bars and I don't think he should be there in early recovery - being around other drunks is OK so why am i being judged so hard???

Ehh i reached out to AA they said I was a dry drunk and my time clean didn't count - bc i didn't work a program...that was the gun that pulled the trigger to my relapse I really don't like AA by how I have been treated thus far. Plus they have issues with people with mental illness - telling people to stay away from them. Are they teaching alienation??

JustMeg

Hi Nicole, I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. Welcome to SR and Happy New Year. I hope you find the support and companionship here that you need. Best wishes, Mx

Recovery1983

Hey Nicole, sorry to hear about the relapse, and i'm sorry to hear about your AA experience. I don't think anyone works a perfect program, therefore no one should really say whose time counts and whose doesn't count. This is your sobriety, not theirs. I personally don't like AA because I find them too traditional in their meetings. Instead, I attend NA meetings. The great thing is that if you don't like one meeting, there are plenty of other meetings that you can attend. In your case, I would suggest to reach out to another AA meeting or another AA contact and try again.

Btw, one of my biggest triggers for relapse is isolation. Once I start down the path of isolation, I'm at a high risk for relapse, and then I further isolate. It's just a vicious cycle. You are not alone.

seahorse661

Based purely on what you've said here, this sounds like an AA group I'd avoid at all costs. They are not all like that. It took me awhile to find a group that fit well. Some people have commented on my use of psychoactive meds, they don't have to live my life, and I know what works and will continue with that.

I am a supporter of the AA program but it's not the only route to sobriety, check out the other options on the site; some people use a combination of resources. Just don't give up, please.

Carlotta

I am so sorry this happened to you. I am in AA and what those people did is NOT AA.
AA is both the program (the steps) and the fellowship (the meetings). It looks like your "friends" (I use the term very loosely) flunked fellowship 101 and the way they treated you is in violation of several traditions and shows they obviously are not working step 12.

Anyway, AA is not the only game in town. There are many people who are sober through SR only. If social anxiety and meetings is a big issue, you could also check out AVRT.
Here is a link to the Secular Connection part of the forum http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html. Addictive Voice Recognition Technique is something that you do alone.

I do not believe in "dry drunk". I see it just as a way to ostracize and talk down to people who are not doing what the people using that term think is the only way.
You did not lose your 3 years sober, you just had a setback. Dust yourself off and get back on the horse

I hope you will join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. Before you know it, those days do pile up
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4381012
to SR

TigerLili

I've never heard of days not drinking not counting because you weren't working the AA programme at the same time. That's bizarro world. I know a woman who came into AA after 10 years of not drinking. She wasn't told to start over at day 1.

Try some different meetings. They come in a lot of different flavours. If you tie your sobriety to a peson, place or thing, you're bound to slip.