36 hours sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
36 hours sober
Hi all,
Thought I would introduce myself. I'm an alcoholic who is seeking recovery and attempting to stop drinking for the first time in my life. 28 years old. Have been drinking heavily daily for I think about 3 years straight now, and have been drinking probably 5 days out of the week for the past 7 years.. or something like that. Hard to recall exactly.
I realized I was an alcoholic about 8 months ago when my drinking started increasing, and it seemed to be all I did anymore. Quickly found that my entire life has revolved around beer for the past 3 years. Even brewing it.
In the past year my drinking started ramping up excessively, and before I knew it I would have withdrawal symptoms if I stopped. I tried to make commitments to moderate my drinking but was almost completely powerless to stop. Would always slip but.
Eventually found myself to AA meetings, but honestly I am terrified of them. I sit in the corner and don't speak to anyone. Have no sponsor and do not attend regular meetings. I'm trying to work on this and get into the program. Something I hope to achieve in 2014.
Recently, over Christmas--when I was supposed to be tapering--I went on a major 3 day bender bar hopping around where I live. I hardly remember any of it and that really, really scared the **** out of me.
So I decided to get serious about my taper schedule. Weened myself down to 4 beers on Sunday, and cut off completely on Monday. My first sober day in years. The withdrawal symptoms were "minor" but terrifying all the same. I realize it is not advisable to do this without a doctor, but so far my symptoms have only lessened as time has past. The first day was pretty rough. All I could stomach was a half a piece of bread and I felt like I was going to die, major major axiety. However, luckily, the symptoms are receding and as of this moment all I am experiencing are minor shakes.
My intention was to start my alcohol absitenence on the new year, but my bender scared me so much that I figured, why not start now?
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
I don't even know how to relate to people without talking about beer. It was as much a hobby as it was an addiction, brewing beer and talking about beer pairings and yeast strains and hops varieties with friends.
But I know it's the right thing to do.
I really have enjoyed reading these forums, they seem like a great support system and I hope to keep reading and posting.
Thanks.
Thought I would introduce myself. I'm an alcoholic who is seeking recovery and attempting to stop drinking for the first time in my life. 28 years old. Have been drinking heavily daily for I think about 3 years straight now, and have been drinking probably 5 days out of the week for the past 7 years.. or something like that. Hard to recall exactly.
I realized I was an alcoholic about 8 months ago when my drinking started increasing, and it seemed to be all I did anymore. Quickly found that my entire life has revolved around beer for the past 3 years. Even brewing it.
In the past year my drinking started ramping up excessively, and before I knew it I would have withdrawal symptoms if I stopped. I tried to make commitments to moderate my drinking but was almost completely powerless to stop. Would always slip but.
Eventually found myself to AA meetings, but honestly I am terrified of them. I sit in the corner and don't speak to anyone. Have no sponsor and do not attend regular meetings. I'm trying to work on this and get into the program. Something I hope to achieve in 2014.
Recently, over Christmas--when I was supposed to be tapering--I went on a major 3 day bender bar hopping around where I live. I hardly remember any of it and that really, really scared the **** out of me.
So I decided to get serious about my taper schedule. Weened myself down to 4 beers on Sunday, and cut off completely on Monday. My first sober day in years. The withdrawal symptoms were "minor" but terrifying all the same. I realize it is not advisable to do this without a doctor, but so far my symptoms have only lessened as time has past. The first day was pretty rough. All I could stomach was a half a piece of bread and I felt like I was going to die, major major axiety. However, luckily, the symptoms are receding and as of this moment all I am experiencing are minor shakes.
My intention was to start my alcohol absitenence on the new year, but my bender scared me so much that I figured, why not start now?
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
I don't even know how to relate to people without talking about beer. It was as much a hobby as it was an addiction, brewing beer and talking about beer pairings and yeast strains and hops varieties with friends.
But I know it's the right thing to do.
I really have enjoyed reading these forums, they seem like a great support system and I hope to keep reading and posting.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Sorry, i should add: I might be using the term "sober" incorrectly in the title here. I also use marijuana, but am unsure if it's wise to try to kick two habbits at the same time? I would appreciate any thoughts on that.
I could imagine that, to achieve "true recovery", that would mean eventually ditching all my habits, which I am open to.
I could imagine that, to achieve "true recovery", that would mean eventually ditching all my habits, which I am open to.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
For me, it didn't matter what mind-altering chemical I was using - they all brought me to the same miserable place.
I know for me, If I smoke marijuana it will lead me right back to my substance of choice and destruction will begin again. For me to live a happy, sober, manageable life, I need to abstain from ALL mind- and mood-altering chemicals.
It's your call though.
I know for me, If I smoke marijuana it will lead me right back to my substance of choice and destruction will begin again. For me to live a happy, sober, manageable life, I need to abstain from ALL mind- and mood-altering chemicals.
It's your call though.
Last edited by jakec; 12-31-2013 at 01:54 PM. Reason: spelling
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi and welcome Actual Alcoholic 
I found I got myself and my life into just as much disarray on pot as I did on booze.
The problem really was me - I wanted to escape and I was scared of reality and responsibility.
I found quitting both was the only way forward for me - if I hung on to one, the other would eventually and inevitably return.
You'll have to decide what's best for you.
D
I found I got myself and my life into just as much disarray on pot as I did on booze.
The problem really was me - I wanted to escape and I was scared of reality and responsibility.
I found quitting both was the only way forward for me - if I hung on to one, the other would eventually and inevitably return.
You'll have to decide what's best for you.
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by ActualAlcoholic 
Hi all,
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
It wasn't till afterwards that I realised how corrupted my emotional and thinking systems were due to the addiction. The addiction wants to sustain itself.
I used to feel terrified at the idea of not drinking again, I predicted a dull boring life and a perpetual feeling of missing out. It turned out to be the opposite once I was free of drinking and I had time to settle down (it took 3-6 months in various subtle ways).
Life is good sober- I do not want to be lulled into drinking by false promises of a better life through intoxication.
Hope you feel better soon
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Hi Actual - you have made wise and courageous choices. Congratulations!!!
Sounds like you made it thru detox with a few bumps. Remember those feelings though and let them remind you not to drink again.
As for pot use, of course it is your decision and there are many opinions about it. Dee's wisdom on this is excellent - addicts try to escape from ourselves and pot allows that just as much as alcohol. But, again, your choice to make as to what is the life you want to lead. I know plenty of people who smoke pot regularly and have happy, positive and productive lives. I also know some who have miserable, isolated and depressing lives who smoke pot too. Guess it's the same story with alcohol. Only YOU know if it is a problem and hindering you from living the life you desire.
Best of luck and happy new year!!!
Sounds like you made it thru detox with a few bumps. Remember those feelings though and let them remind you not to drink again.
As for pot use, of course it is your decision and there are many opinions about it. Dee's wisdom on this is excellent - addicts try to escape from ourselves and pot allows that just as much as alcohol. But, again, your choice to make as to what is the life you want to lead. I know plenty of people who smoke pot regularly and have happy, positive and productive lives. I also know some who have miserable, isolated and depressing lives who smoke pot too. Guess it's the same story with alcohol. Only YOU know if it is a problem and hindering you from living the life you desire.
Best of luck and happy new year!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by instant
I used to feel terrified at the idea of not drinking again, I predicted a dull boring life and a perpetual feeling of missing out. It turned out to be the opposite once I was free of drinking and I had time to settle down (it took 3-6 months in various subtle ways).
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to a very friendly supportive site. You are among friends here. We are here to encourage you in your sobriety. Read and post often. There's some great advice and experience here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome Actual Alcoholic
I found I got myself and my life into just as much disarray on pot as I did on booze.
The problem really was me - I wanted to escape and I was scared of reality and responsibility.
I found quitting both was the only way forward for me - if I hung on to one, the other would eventually and inevitably return.
You'll have to decide what's best for you.
D
I found I got myself and my life into just as much disarray on pot as I did on booze.
The problem really was me - I wanted to escape and I was scared of reality and responsibility.
I found quitting both was the only way forward for me - if I hung on to one, the other would eventually and inevitably return.
You'll have to decide what's best for you.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by IWillWin
Hi Actual - you have made wise and courageous choices. Congratulations!!!
Sounds like you made it thru detox with a few bumps. Remember those feelings though and let them remind you not to drink again.
Best of luck and happy new year!!!
Sounds like you made it thru detox with a few bumps. Remember those feelings though and let them remind you not to drink again.
Best of luck and happy new year!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: running from addiction
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by instant
It wasn't till afterwards that I realised how corrupted my emotional and thinking systems were due to the addiction. The addiction wants to sustain itself.
I used to feel terrified at the idea of not drinking again, I predicted a dull boring life and a perpetual feeling of missing out. It turned out to be the opposite once I was free of drinking and I had time to settle down (it took 3-6 months in various subtle ways).
Life is good sober- I do not want to be lulled into drinking by false promises of a better life through intoxication.
Hope you feel better soon
I used to feel terrified at the idea of not drinking again, I predicted a dull boring life and a perpetual feeling of missing out. It turned out to be the opposite once I was free of drinking and I had time to settle down (it took 3-6 months in various subtle ways).
Life is good sober- I do not want to be lulled into drinking by false promises of a better life through intoxication.
Hope you feel better soon
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I think it's great that you have made the decision to stop drinking. We are all in different places in this journey we share, and if you're not ready to give up marijuana today, hopefully the time will come when you do.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
Recently, over Christmas--when I was supposed to be tapering--I went on a major 3 day bender bar hopping around where I live. I hardly remember any of it and that really, really scared the **** out of me.
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
If you focus on the first sentence, it might alleviate the depression you mention in the second sentence.
When you go to another AA meeting, don't silently sit in the corner. Introduce yourself as a newcomer and the folks there will help you.
It's a new year, make a fresh start!
It's really depressing thinking I'll never be able to drink again.
If you focus on the first sentence, it might alleviate the depression you mention in the second sentence.
When you go to another AA meeting, don't silently sit in the corner. Introduce yourself as a newcomer and the folks there will help you.
It's a new year, make a fresh start!
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