Hi Guys - I'm New Here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 1
Hi Guys - I'm New Here
Hey everybody, just wanted to submit a post here. I’ve been a long time reader of these forums, and have struggled with my addiction to alcohol for about 15 years now. I really am desperate to make a change, and I know I will lose everything if I don’t quit. My alcoholism has been getting progressively worse over the past several years, and if it weren’t for my girlfriend, I would probably be a daily drinker. I have a five year old daughter and a newborn baby. I swore I’d never drink again after he was born back in November, but of course I broke that promise twice already. I need to make a change, and it has to start right now.
I’ve done so many stupid, dangerous things while drunk. Drinking just isn’t fun for me anymore. I’ve been unfaithful to every girlfriend I’ve ever had, sent so many stupid text messages to so many random women only to regret it the next morning. When I drink, I become a different person. I no longer consider my family. I am out for instant gratification and never consider any consequences of my actions. I’ve driven while drunk so many times – I have even forgotten where I parked my car, or have gone out to my parking lot to see if there was any damage to my car after getting blackout drunk the night before.
I’ve gotten trashed at home, gotten in my car and drove to a strip club, continued to drink there, almost smoked crack, had my wallet stolen and credit card used, almost stopped by the police, etc. Woke up the next morning from my phone ringing and it being the credit card company verifying the purchases. I’m lucky they did call, because I was 2 hours late for work already.
I’ve become a liar, a cheater, a thief. I get drunk and then I drive around. I’ve gone countless times by myself to a local sleazy bar and picked up very shady women only to go home with them. Not even considering using protection – thankfully I could never perform. I never remember any of this stuff, I have to piece it together the next morning. I've gotten into fights with my family. I've done so many things I've regretted the next day. So many things I can never take back, but I didn't care at the time. I know my mental health has suffered immensely. I have had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, suffered from extreme lows, suffered from a manic depression. I know it all has to do with my alcoholism. I would never eat properly when I'm drinking, because I can't drink as much if I eat. So naturally I pick alcohol.
I’ve gotten seriously injured, to the point where I had to spend $4000+ on surgeries, all as a result of my being hammered. Alcohol has completely dominated my life. I have woken up in my own urine. I’ve woken up on the floor, with no clothes on, with 12 missed calls and 15 missed text messages from my girlfriend who has sworn up and down that I’d never see my daughter again, because I am a pathetic drunk liar. She was right.
It’s like I lose all inhibitions. They say alcohol is liquid courage – but how can you be courageous if you don’t consider any danger that may happen. I just become stupid, moronic, my words slur, I get stupid, I text other girls and tell them extremely inappropriate things. I always regret it the next day.
I’ve spent so much money over the years on alcohol, and my life has been completely dominated by it. I could never go to a concert without getting hammered, and I don’t even care about the music, I would only be obsessing over how many beer or hard liquor drinks I have at that particular time and how big the lineup is to get more. Same thing with sporting events. I would never go to a place that wasn’t serving alcohol. My whole life revolves around it. I’ve read many books on the subject, different ways to cope with it and to hopefully be able to quit drinking permanently. I’ve gone to a few AA meetings, but I really hated them. I won’t go again. I do like reading these forums though, I find it is much more helpful for me personally. I’ve read all about Rational Recovery and AVRT, and when I do quit it’s fine for a while, but then the urge gets incredibly strong and I always cave in.
Anyway, I am here to say that I am officially sober. I can never drink again. Not if I want to maintain my family. I don’t want my two children to grow up with a loser, drunk father.
I’ve done so many stupid, dangerous things while drunk. Drinking just isn’t fun for me anymore. I’ve been unfaithful to every girlfriend I’ve ever had, sent so many stupid text messages to so many random women only to regret it the next morning. When I drink, I become a different person. I no longer consider my family. I am out for instant gratification and never consider any consequences of my actions. I’ve driven while drunk so many times – I have even forgotten where I parked my car, or have gone out to my parking lot to see if there was any damage to my car after getting blackout drunk the night before.
I’ve gotten trashed at home, gotten in my car and drove to a strip club, continued to drink there, almost smoked crack, had my wallet stolen and credit card used, almost stopped by the police, etc. Woke up the next morning from my phone ringing and it being the credit card company verifying the purchases. I’m lucky they did call, because I was 2 hours late for work already.
I’ve become a liar, a cheater, a thief. I get drunk and then I drive around. I’ve gone countless times by myself to a local sleazy bar and picked up very shady women only to go home with them. Not even considering using protection – thankfully I could never perform. I never remember any of this stuff, I have to piece it together the next morning. I've gotten into fights with my family. I've done so many things I've regretted the next day. So many things I can never take back, but I didn't care at the time. I know my mental health has suffered immensely. I have had panic attacks, anxiety attacks, suffered from extreme lows, suffered from a manic depression. I know it all has to do with my alcoholism. I would never eat properly when I'm drinking, because I can't drink as much if I eat. So naturally I pick alcohol.
I’ve gotten seriously injured, to the point where I had to spend $4000+ on surgeries, all as a result of my being hammered. Alcohol has completely dominated my life. I have woken up in my own urine. I’ve woken up on the floor, with no clothes on, with 12 missed calls and 15 missed text messages from my girlfriend who has sworn up and down that I’d never see my daughter again, because I am a pathetic drunk liar. She was right.
It’s like I lose all inhibitions. They say alcohol is liquid courage – but how can you be courageous if you don’t consider any danger that may happen. I just become stupid, moronic, my words slur, I get stupid, I text other girls and tell them extremely inappropriate things. I always regret it the next day.
I’ve spent so much money over the years on alcohol, and my life has been completely dominated by it. I could never go to a concert without getting hammered, and I don’t even care about the music, I would only be obsessing over how many beer or hard liquor drinks I have at that particular time and how big the lineup is to get more. Same thing with sporting events. I would never go to a place that wasn’t serving alcohol. My whole life revolves around it. I’ve read many books on the subject, different ways to cope with it and to hopefully be able to quit drinking permanently. I’ve gone to a few AA meetings, but I really hated them. I won’t go again. I do like reading these forums though, I find it is much more helpful for me personally. I’ve read all about Rational Recovery and AVRT, and when I do quit it’s fine for a while, but then the urge gets incredibly strong and I always cave in.
Anyway, I am here to say that I am officially sober. I can never drink again. Not if I want to maintain my family. I don’t want my two children to grow up with a loser, drunk father.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome SoxFan. You will find SR to be a great place to get support and information about addiction and recovery. Thanks for sharing your story, and know that you are not alone. The best news is that sobriety is good..and you can absolutely attain it if you choose. Read lots and ask lots of questions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 668
Hey RedSoxFan welcome to SR, you'll get a lot of support here. I've done a lot of stupid things when I drank and woke up countless mornings with many regrets. The good thing is you've now chosen not to drink and you can kiss those regret-filled mornings away. Next time you feel the urge or the craving to drink re-read your post, that will make you think twice about taking that first drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
Welcome aboard RedSoxFan. Your story is like so many including my own. You are not alone. You have admitted you are an alcoholic. Great first step. I had to stop fighting with myself about drinking. I am an alcoholic and just can't drink. A simple fact of life. I tried to make the issue so complex. What if this happens, or that, can I drink them?? What if my wife leaves me or I lose my job, or house. I can come up with all kinds of stuff but I am an alcohlic. Alcohol can no longer be a part of my life. Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tarheel Country
Posts: 25
RedSoxFan,
Our experiences may not be the same, but it sounds like we share the same disease. I did so many destructive things and hurt so many people due to my drinking. SR is a great online community. Now that you have accepted you have a problem, what steps are you going to take next to recover?
Our experiences may not be the same, but it sounds like we share the same disease. I did so many destructive things and hurt so many people due to my drinking. SR is a great online community. Now that you have accepted you have a problem, what steps are you going to take next to recover?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi SoxFan! Welcome. It sounds like you are really ready for a change and that is great! What is your plan for when a craving hits? Have you told your girlfriend that you have stopped?
Stick around and read and post a lot. There are so many people with such wisdom here. We are all behind you!
Stick around and read and post a lot. There are so many people with such wisdom here. We are all behind you!
Sober...Finally.
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Welcome, RedSox.
I know exactly what you mean about your family being on the line and having to get sober. There comes a time where enough is enough and you have to do whats right for the emotional health of you and your family. We are all in this journey together. One day at a time! Best wishes.
I know exactly what you mean about your family being on the line and having to get sober. There comes a time where enough is enough and you have to do whats right for the emotional health of you and your family. We are all in this journey together. One day at a time! Best wishes.
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