Reboswon

Okay - it's been over 7 months now.....new challenge has arrived. Away on vacation, everyone else is acting different around me this year......since they have found out that the person they celebrated Christmas and New Years with is now 'in recovery'
The plans they normally have are now completely different as they feel they have to factor my situation in.....
Here's my challenge.... Bro-in-law 40th in the city. DJ, all-nighter, plenty of alcohol. My thought..... Stay away - and just attend the family get together the week before.......the thing is, I know I could handle it but....why should I put myself through all the usual questions and the be the one that sees and hears all the usual behavioural changes that take place. Awkward!
Any thoughts team?

jdooner

You answered your own question already. You have no reason to be at the after party and honestly, having gone through the club scene sober its no fun at all. You will feel awkward and get depressed that you can't partake. It would be like a kid in a candy store with no money.

I did this in September and had to leave maybe 15minutes in.

KateL

You have got a great positive attitude and I think you want to stay away. If people act differently around you in future, don't take any notice, it is quite likely they feel awkward because of their own boozing - I have come across that a lot. Good luck xxxx

Threshold

How they choose (or need) to act is their issue. It's probably useful to some of them to have this clear opportunity to consider the role alcohol plays in their lives, and the lives of those around them.

It's also awesome that you are aware of your triggers.

The dynamics of things usually shuffle out over time. There is always an adjustment phase when someone in a group/family has a significant life change...marriage, divorce, baby, illness, move to or away from home, loses or gains a lot of weight, joins or leaves a religion. Normal life changes just tend to shake things up a little.

Happy Sober New Year!

Dee74

Thats what I would do Reboswon.

DJ all nighters awash with alcohol and whatever else hold no allure for me now anyway. I think folks like us have no business being there unless you feel you can go there, be sober, and not be miserable. If it's a 'trigger challenge'? no way.

As for friends being different, and maybe a little too accommodating - I would have preferred that to the no change at all 'just have a shandy Dee!/just know when to stop, man' responses I recieved, y'know?

I think it's great you have that support

D

Anna

That's what I would do, too. I believed that I could get through certain social situations, too, but did I really want to put myself through that? Not really.

Reboswon

Great comments - thanks heaps everyone. New Year's Eve......no resolution
For me - just continuing to stay on my path of sobriety.

Toffee1

The thing is this, I control my life and what I do with it. I will not let alcohol determine who I see and where I go. All my friends are drinkers, I mean every single one. I will not give them up because I cannot control my drinking ( that should read could not ). Drinking is everywhere in uk culture and the only way to avoid it would be to become a hermit!!

I do everything I have always done but just without alcohol. Sure some of the time it is boring and I wish I wasn't there but mostly I seem to have as much of a good time sober as I did drunk. I think it is mindset. I go determined to have a good time, to make it a good time and to put in the extra effort to mix and be sociable.

I also play a little mind game when out. I make sure I am the last person to leave or the last to go to bed. I don't want all my friends saying I am a miserable so and so who leaves or goes to bed early. I am last man standing now where is the next party!!

I think I have started on my soap box haven't i? They are just my thoughts and I am sure you will find the right course. All the best

Reboswon

New Years......went by without a hitch. All good - and everyone wished me a better year this year, great support all around. Let us all continue to support each other.

Cheers everyone (coffee....white with 2 thanks)

IOAA2

I used to use that reasoning and was told it's none of my business what other people think. To me that thinking indicates alcohol still has a grip on me and I'm only white knuckling it and I'd soon be drinking.

BE WELL