First Post On Site
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
First Post On Site
Hello
My names Rob and this is my first post on here. I'm 27 years old and have had a drink problem for 10 years. I've tried loads of different things to try stop drinking and all have failed. I'm hoping to start going to AA meetings but wanted to find a forum first to make me feel confident enough to talk about how I feel. I've had counseling in the past but didn't find it helpful.
I think one of the hardest things for me is feeling very alone and isolated from "normal" people. I have always grown up around people who have drank heavily, my grandfather died from drink related problems, three of my uncles have drink problems and I have two brothers who drink heavily. My father died from multiple organ failure as a result of alcoholism when I was 18. You'd think all of this would have prevented me from drinking, but in my family it felt abnormal to be sober. I think because this is what I have grown up around, there hasn't really been anyone to take me to a side and say "you're getting out of control" because we are a largely male dominated family and all of the males were as drunk as each other.
I have lost so many friends as a result of drinking, it's cost me over 50 jobs, caused problems in my relationships and I'm sure it's the reason I suffer from unbearable anxiety. Just lately I have had really bad pain in my stomach and chest, which I'm convinced is drink related. I've had gastroenteritis twice in the last year which my doctor has said is alcohol related, as well as being told it has now started to damage my liver. Despite the pain I feel and the risks I know I have been taking, I have still continued to drink. I don't drink everyday, but once I start I can't stop and will drink up to 20+ pints of lager. I always make a fool of myself, sometimes I become aggressive and in general I'm just a totally different person and I'm just so sick of being. . .sick. I was on a binge on Christmas Eve and ended up sleeping most of the morning into the early afternoon and missed out on my daughters playing with their presents and I just felt so ashamed of myself and thought it's got to the point I have to stop. It isn't a choice anymore.
If anyone recognizes themselves in anything I have said and has any advice that'd be great. I just desperately want some kind of help.
Thanks.
My names Rob and this is my first post on here. I'm 27 years old and have had a drink problem for 10 years. I've tried loads of different things to try stop drinking and all have failed. I'm hoping to start going to AA meetings but wanted to find a forum first to make me feel confident enough to talk about how I feel. I've had counseling in the past but didn't find it helpful.
I think one of the hardest things for me is feeling very alone and isolated from "normal" people. I have always grown up around people who have drank heavily, my grandfather died from drink related problems, three of my uncles have drink problems and I have two brothers who drink heavily. My father died from multiple organ failure as a result of alcoholism when I was 18. You'd think all of this would have prevented me from drinking, but in my family it felt abnormal to be sober. I think because this is what I have grown up around, there hasn't really been anyone to take me to a side and say "you're getting out of control" because we are a largely male dominated family and all of the males were as drunk as each other.
I have lost so many friends as a result of drinking, it's cost me over 50 jobs, caused problems in my relationships and I'm sure it's the reason I suffer from unbearable anxiety. Just lately I have had really bad pain in my stomach and chest, which I'm convinced is drink related. I've had gastroenteritis twice in the last year which my doctor has said is alcohol related, as well as being told it has now started to damage my liver. Despite the pain I feel and the risks I know I have been taking, I have still continued to drink. I don't drink everyday, but once I start I can't stop and will drink up to 20+ pints of lager. I always make a fool of myself, sometimes I become aggressive and in general I'm just a totally different person and I'm just so sick of being. . .sick. I was on a binge on Christmas Eve and ended up sleeping most of the morning into the early afternoon and missed out on my daughters playing with their presents and I just felt so ashamed of myself and thought it's got to the point I have to stop. It isn't a choice anymore.
If anyone recognizes themselves in anything I have said and has any advice that'd be great. I just desperately want some kind of help.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
Welcome, Rob!
SR is a great place--I don't think I could be sober without it. It's been a Godsend for many of us in terms of relating to others who are dealing with similar issues. Amazing people and support here . . .
I also grew up in a family (and a community) in which drinking was the norm. It was a college town, so underage and binge drinking were considered "just what teens and young adults do." Lots of encouragement to drink when with others, drink for recreation, drink to celebrate, etc. Many of my friends still have that mentality (if alcohol can be added to an event or justified, it's an accomplishment). Ran a race? Here's a beer. Got up early to put the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven? Here's a Mimosa. Hangover? Here's a Bloody Mary. Stubbed your toe? Here's some whiskey. You get the idea
I think it can be hard to "see clearly" in the midst of that type of upbringing and lifestyle. Fortunately, we can re-program ourselves and recognize that many of the patterns/behaviors we've witnessed (and came to take for granted as "normal) are not typical. Even better, we can recognize that those behaviors don't work for us. Doesn't sound like your drinking is adding anything good to your life. There's a lot of pain in your post. Good news is that you don't have to live that way anymore.
Glad to hear you are going to AA. That, plus the support you get here, should help. Watch out for your own emotions--HALT--hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are often emotions that trigger cravings. Make sure you are good to yourself, keep hydrated and rested. Ask for help whenever you need it.
Best of luck to you!
SR is a great place--I don't think I could be sober without it. It's been a Godsend for many of us in terms of relating to others who are dealing with similar issues. Amazing people and support here . . .
I also grew up in a family (and a community) in which drinking was the norm. It was a college town, so underage and binge drinking were considered "just what teens and young adults do." Lots of encouragement to drink when with others, drink for recreation, drink to celebrate, etc. Many of my friends still have that mentality (if alcohol can be added to an event or justified, it's an accomplishment). Ran a race? Here's a beer. Got up early to put the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven? Here's a Mimosa. Hangover? Here's a Bloody Mary. Stubbed your toe? Here's some whiskey. You get the idea
I think it can be hard to "see clearly" in the midst of that type of upbringing and lifestyle. Fortunately, we can re-program ourselves and recognize that many of the patterns/behaviors we've witnessed (and came to take for granted as "normal) are not typical. Even better, we can recognize that those behaviors don't work for us. Doesn't sound like your drinking is adding anything good to your life. There's a lot of pain in your post. Good news is that you don't have to live that way anymore.
Glad to hear you are going to AA. That, plus the support you get here, should help. Watch out for your own emotions--HALT--hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are often emotions that trigger cravings. Make sure you are good to yourself, keep hydrated and rested. Ask for help whenever you need it.
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Rob, welcome to the Forum!! 
Sounds life a very familiar story, the problem with addiction is even though we know it is damaging, even to the point of death, we still continue to do it.
The decision to be sober and reach out for support can be scary, but once you take that leap of faith, go to that AA meeting or come online looking for it, you'll get there, it can be done!!
Sounds life a very familiar story, the problem with addiction is even though we know it is damaging, even to the point of death, we still continue to do it.
The decision to be sober and reach out for support can be scary, but once you take that leap of faith, go to that AA meeting or come online looking for it, you'll get there, it can be done!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
I can definitely relate to the environment you grew up in. I'm from a large Irish family where alcohol abuse/binge drinking was seen as the norm and my friends were no different. It's hard to reach out to someone in your family (I've tried) and tell them you have a problem when they are in worse shape than you and don't recognize it as a problem. When I heard that I started to wonder if I was just overreacting. After getting into trouble/feeling sick/anxiety for 7 years, I know it's not worth it.
I've had terrible stomach problems as well, I believe it's the combination of alcohol and then your body responding to the anxiety. When your battling anxiety the tension often causes you to clench stomach/chest muscles. Also when you drink, at least for me, I'm not exactly reaching for healthy foods. There's a strong connection between this stress and digestion disorders. There's a lot of good information out there on it.
Just my two cents. Good luck to you.
I've had terrible stomach problems as well, I believe it's the combination of alcohol and then your body responding to the anxiety. When your battling anxiety the tension often causes you to clench stomach/chest muscles. Also when you drink, at least for me, I'm not exactly reaching for healthy foods. There's a strong connection between this stress and digestion disorders. There's a lot of good information out there on it.
Just my two cents. Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by Cathryn2001 
Welcome, Rob!
SR is a great place--I don't think I could be sober without it. It's been a Godsend for many of us in terms of relating to others who are dealing with similar issues. Amazing people and support here . . .
I also grew up in a family (and a community) in which drinking was the norm. It was a college town, so underage and binge drinking were considered "just what teens and young adults do." Lots of encouragement to drink when with others, drink for recreation, drink to celebrate, etc. Many of my friends still have that mentality (if alcohol can be added to an event or justified, it's an accomplishment). Ran a race? Here's a beer. Got up early to put the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven? Here's a Mimosa. Hangover? Here's a Bloody Mary. Stubbed your toe? Here's some whiskey. You get the idea
I think it can be hard to "see clearly" in the midst of that type of upbringing and lifestyle. Fortunately, we can re-program ourselves and recognize that many of the patterns/behaviors we've witnessed (and came to take for granted as "normal) are not typical. Even better, we can recognize that those behaviors don't work for us. Doesn't sound like your drinking is adding anything good to your life. There's a lot of pain in your post. Good news is that you don't have to live that way anymore.
Glad to hear you are going to AA. That, plus the support you get here, should help. Watch out for your own emotions--HALT--hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are often emotions that trigger cravings. Make sure you are good to yourself, keep hydrated and rested. Ask for help whenever you need it.
Best of luck to you!
SR is a great place--I don't think I could be sober without it. It's been a Godsend for many of us in terms of relating to others who are dealing with similar issues. Amazing people and support here . . .
I also grew up in a family (and a community) in which drinking was the norm. It was a college town, so underage and binge drinking were considered "just what teens and young adults do." Lots of encouragement to drink when with others, drink for recreation, drink to celebrate, etc. Many of my friends still have that mentality (if alcohol can be added to an event or justified, it's an accomplishment). Ran a race? Here's a beer. Got up early to put the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven? Here's a Mimosa. Hangover? Here's a Bloody Mary. Stubbed your toe? Here's some whiskey. You get the idea
I think it can be hard to "see clearly" in the midst of that type of upbringing and lifestyle. Fortunately, we can re-program ourselves and recognize that many of the patterns/behaviors we've witnessed (and came to take for granted as "normal) are not typical. Even better, we can recognize that those behaviors don't work for us. Doesn't sound like your drinking is adding anything good to your life. There's a lot of pain in your post. Good news is that you don't have to live that way anymore.
Glad to hear you are going to AA. That, plus the support you get here, should help. Watch out for your own emotions--HALT--hungry, angry, lonely, and tired are often emotions that trigger cravings. Make sure you are good to yourself, keep hydrated and rested. Ask for help whenever you need it.
Best of luck to you!
Thanks again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by Thepatman
You don't need to speak in front of anyone. You can sit and just listen.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tarheel Country
Posts: 25
Ordinary Guy/Rob,
I am new here too. I am like you in that I have never felt "normal" (what is normal anyway?). I didn't really drink abnormally until around 30, but I had an abusive alcoholic BF before that and took way too long to break away from him because I have codependency issues.
Anyway, I've lost many friends and opportunities due to alcohol too. I'm amazed I've been able to hold onto my current job for 11 years, but there have been some close calls. I had 2 DUI's while working there, and the 2nd one took my license away 4 years. If I didn't have family and friends to cart me around, I surely would have lost it as my job requires some driving.
I have known I need to quit for a while but haven't due to lots of anxiety and not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I recently started experiencing the same stomach pains you described, so I'm scared to death. I quit yesterday. My plan of action this week is to make a Dr appt (scary), and find some various resources for face to face support. I've tried to quit many times and have never been able to do it on my own. I already have an appt set up with a psych to discuss meds to help get me stabilized.
I am glad you are posting here. It was a first step for me too as I am somewhat introverted and find it hard to speak up in groups of people. The good thing is there many, many types of meetings, so you just have to keep searching until you find ones you feel comfortable in.
I am new here too. I am like you in that I have never felt "normal" (what is normal anyway?). I didn't really drink abnormally until around 30, but I had an abusive alcoholic BF before that and took way too long to break away from him because I have codependency issues.
Anyway, I've lost many friends and opportunities due to alcohol too. I'm amazed I've been able to hold onto my current job for 11 years, but there have been some close calls. I had 2 DUI's while working there, and the 2nd one took my license away 4 years. If I didn't have family and friends to cart me around, I surely would have lost it as my job requires some driving.
I have known I need to quit for a while but haven't due to lots of anxiety and not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I recently started experiencing the same stomach pains you described, so I'm scared to death. I quit yesterday. My plan of action this week is to make a Dr appt (scary), and find some various resources for face to face support. I've tried to quit many times and have never been able to do it on my own. I already have an appt set up with a psych to discuss meds to help get me stabilized.
I am glad you are posting here. It was a first step for me too as I am somewhat introverted and find it hard to speak up in groups of people. The good thing is there many, many types of meetings, so you just have to keep searching until you find ones you feel comfortable in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by backatit3
I can definitely relate to the environment you grew up in. I'm from a large Irish family where alcohol abuse/binge drinking was seen as the norm and my friends were no different. It's hard to reach out to someone in your family (I've tried) and tell them you have a problem when they are in worse shape than you and don't recognize it as a problem. When I heard that I started to wonder if I was just overreacting. After getting into trouble/feeling sick/anxiety for 7 years, I know it's not worth it.
I've had terrible stomach problems as well, I believe it's the combination of alcohol and then your body responding to the anxiety. When your battling anxiety the tension often causes you to clench stomach/chest muscles. Also when you drink, at least for me, I'm not exactly reaching for healthy foods. There's a strong connection between this stress and digestion disorders. There's a lot of good information out there on it.
Just my two cents. Good luck to you.
I've had terrible stomach problems as well, I believe it's the combination of alcohol and then your body responding to the anxiety. When your battling anxiety the tension often causes you to clench stomach/chest muscles. Also when you drink, at least for me, I'm not exactly reaching for healthy foods. There's a strong connection between this stress and digestion disorders. There's a lot of good information out there on it.
Just my two cents. Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by PurpleLotus
Ordinary Guy/Rob,
I am new here too. I am like you in that I have never felt "normal" (what is normal anyway?). I didn't really drink abnormally until around 30, but I had an abusive alcoholic BF before that and took way too long to break away from him because I have codependency issues.
Anyway, I've lost many friends and opportunities due to alcohol too. I'm amazed I've been able to hold onto my current job for 11 years, but there have been some close calls. I had 2 DUI's while working there, and the 2nd one took my license away 4 years. If I didn't have family and friends to cart me around, I surely would have lost it as my job requires some driving.
I have known I need to quit for a while but haven't due to lots of anxiety and not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I recently started experiencing the same stomach pains you described, so I'm scared to death. I quit yesterday. My plan of action this week is to make a Dr appt (scary), and find some various resources for face to face support. I've tried to quit many times and have never been able to do it on my own. I already have an appt set up with a psych to discuss meds to help get me stabilized.
I am glad you are posting here. It was a first step for me too as I am somewhat introverted and find it hard to speak up in groups of people. The good thing is there many, many types of meetings, so you just have to keep searching until you find ones you feel comfortable in.
I am new here too. I am like you in that I have never felt "normal" (what is normal anyway?). I didn't really drink abnormally until around 30, but I had an abusive alcoholic BF before that and took way too long to break away from him because I have codependency issues.
Anyway, I've lost many friends and opportunities due to alcohol too. I'm amazed I've been able to hold onto my current job for 11 years, but there have been some close calls. I had 2 DUI's while working there, and the 2nd one took my license away 4 years. If I didn't have family and friends to cart me around, I surely would have lost it as my job requires some driving.
I have known I need to quit for a while but haven't due to lots of anxiety and not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I recently started experiencing the same stomach pains you described, so I'm scared to death. I quit yesterday. My plan of action this week is to make a Dr appt (scary), and find some various resources for face to face support. I've tried to quit many times and have never been able to do it on my own. I already have an appt set up with a psych to discuss meds to help get me stabilized.
I am glad you are posting here. It was a first step for me too as I am somewhat introverted and find it hard to speak up in groups of people. The good thing is there many, many types of meetings, so you just have to keep searching until you find ones you feel comfortable in.
I've tried anti-anxiety tablets as well as anti-depressants but I can't seem to get past the initial stage of waiting for them to kick in. I know things get worse before they get better with the tablets and because I drink as heavily as I do, I worry about the effects that will have if I'm doing both at the same time.
With not feeling normal, I just look at other people and wish I could be more like them. Be able to socialize and drink normally and not get so hung up about everything. I get very paranoid as well, especially if people are being overly nice to me, it makes me suspicious, which I know is stupid. I'm hoping to try take up as many new hobbies as I can in the new year.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Welcome Rob. There is much help out there and lots of support here too. You are lucky because you recognise you have a problem which you feel needs addressing. I wish I had the same insight at your age and I wouldn't have wasted so many years. I see a lot of myself in your story and I think you will do well in recovery. You express yourself very well and should take a hold of your life and your future because it can be fantastic. I once managed to drag myself out of bed one Christmas to see the kids open their pressies through foggy eyes, only to go on and drop a burned turkey on the floor. It was like an episode of Men Behaving Badly ~ shouldn't laugh, but it has been my saving grace on many occasions. Be well xxxxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by KateL
Welcome Rob. There is much help out there and lots of support here too. You are lucky because you recognise you have a problem which you feel needs addressing. I wish I had the same insight at your age and I wouldn't have wasted so many years. I see a lot of myself in your story and I think you will do well in recovery. You express yourself very well and should take a hold of your life and your future because it can be fantastic. I once managed to drag myself out of bed one Christmas to see the kids open their pressies through foggy eyes, only to go on and drop a burned turkey on the floor. It was like an episode of Men Behaving Badly ~ shouldn't laugh, but it has been my saving grace on many occasions. Be well xxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tarheel Country
Posts: 25
Yep, I think you will find lots of people were mortified the morning after. After a while I would hide my phone somewhere I thought I wouldn't find it so I wouldn't be tempted to drunk dial. But then I couldn't usually find the phone the next morning! It's a little harder with an i pad or laptop, so I used to send lots of nasty grams to people I held resentments against.
I've tried several SSRI's in the past but never followed through either for the same reasons you mentioned. I was impatient to let them kick in and always ended up reaching for the instant gratification of the bottle. I guess I'm at the jumping off point now, and hopefully I won't have to be on them forever. At this point, I am desperate to get off the alcohol.
I've proven to myself that I can't drink socially/normally, so I've accepted that. In a perfect world that would be lovely, but I had to get 100% honest with myself. Even after I knew I had a problem, I would have a few to take the edge off before going out, and several times I would black out.
I hope my paranoia and anxiety will diminish significantly after I have been sober a while. I like your idea about taking up new hobbies. I'm doing the same thing. I believe anything that gets me out of my own head and focused outward will help greatly. Most of my end drinking isolated me ;(
I've tried several SSRI's in the past but never followed through either for the same reasons you mentioned. I was impatient to let them kick in and always ended up reaching for the instant gratification of the bottle. I guess I'm at the jumping off point now, and hopefully I won't have to be on them forever. At this point, I am desperate to get off the alcohol.
I've proven to myself that I can't drink socially/normally, so I've accepted that. In a perfect world that would be lovely, but I had to get 100% honest with myself. Even after I knew I had a problem, I would have a few to take the edge off before going out, and several times I would black out.
I hope my paranoia and anxiety will diminish significantly after I have been sober a while. I like your idea about taking up new hobbies. I'm doing the same thing. I believe anything that gets me out of my own head and focused outward will help greatly. Most of my end drinking isolated me ;(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: England
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by PurpleLotus
Yep, I think you will find lots of people were mortified the morning after. After a while I would hide my phone somewhere I thought I wouldn't find it so I wouldn't be tempted to drunk dial. But then I couldn't usually find the phone the next morning! It's a little harder with an i pad or laptop, so I used to send lots of nasty grams to people I held resentments against.
I've tried several SSRI's in the past but never followed through either for the same reasons you mentioned. I was impatient to let them kick in and always ended up reaching for the instant gratification of the bottle. I guess I'm at the jumping off point now, and hopefully I won't have to be on them forever. At this point, I am desperate to get off the alcohol.
I've proven to myself that I can't drink socially/normally, so I've accepted that. In a perfect world that would be lovely, but I had to get 100% honest with myself. Even after I knew I had a problem, I would have a few to take the edge off before going out, and several times I would black out.
I hope my paranoia and anxiety will diminish significantly after I have been sober a while. I like your idea about taking up new hobbies. I'm doing the same thing. I believe anything that gets me out of my own head and focused outward will help greatly. Most of my end drinking isolated me ;(
I've tried several SSRI's in the past but never followed through either for the same reasons you mentioned. I was impatient to let them kick in and always ended up reaching for the instant gratification of the bottle. I guess I'm at the jumping off point now, and hopefully I won't have to be on them forever. At this point, I am desperate to get off the alcohol.
I've proven to myself that I can't drink socially/normally, so I've accepted that. In a perfect world that would be lovely, but I had to get 100% honest with myself. Even after I knew I had a problem, I would have a few to take the edge off before going out, and several times I would black out.
I hope my paranoia and anxiety will diminish significantly after I have been sober a while. I like your idea about taking up new hobbies. I'm doing the same thing. I believe anything that gets me out of my own head and focused outward will help greatly. Most of my end drinking isolated me ;(
Like you I know I can't drink normally. I don't know how people can have three or four and leave it at that, I wish I could. Once I start I can't stop, that's the biggest problem for me. Because I have made a few enemies, I'll have a bottle of wine or 5 or 6 cans before I go out. I don't like going into town, but I don't want to be unsociable but I can't go into town sober because I get anxious I'll bump into someone I don't get along with and will end up fighting/getting into an argument. It never happens either, so I don't know why I stress out about it.
I think taking up hobbies can only help. Being alone for long periods of time without any distractions drives me around the bend because I tend to dwell on things and over-analyze everything.
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