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Anyone ever get like this?

Old 12-29-2013, 11:50 AM
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Anyone ever get like this?

So most people, I think, when they see someone whom they find attractive think "Wow, he/she's really good looking" or "They have a good personality" .. and then go on with their day.

For me, whenever I see a cute guy close to my age at a meeting or something, I'll literally spend the whole meeting just thinking about them.. and not in that way - I don't have sexual fantasies about them or anything in that nature.. But rather I just picture myself being with that person and hanging out and talking to them or cuddling with them(yeah im a cuddle bug lol). It's almost like I picture what my life would be like with this person even I've never even met them. It tends to get in the way of my focus on the message of recovery. Or if someone who I find attractive gives me a compliment or laughs at one of my jokes I'll get a burst of excitment and then I realize that just because someone gives me a compliment doesn't mean their in to me...

Like today - I went to my favorite meeting this morning and there was this guy there who seemed to be around my age and I thought he was cute and after the meeting he came up to me and told me he liked my shirt and I wanted to say "Thanks, I like your face" but that would have been creepy so I just awkwardly smiled and said "thanks." As I walked away that old familar voice started saying stuff like “You’re pathetic, you think just cause he gave you a compliment he likes you? You’re never gonna find a guy like that, and if you do, they’re just gonna get bored of you eventually like the rest of them.” And then I start to feel sorry for myself, but I try not to.

I guess I just long for attention from other guys my age for some reason.. I don’t know. I know in my heart that I am too fragile and in no position in my recovery to start a romantic/intimate relationship with anyone.

Does anyone else feel like this ever? Or am I the only one thats this weird/creepy? lol
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Old 12-29-2013, 12:16 PM
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I think it's perfectly normal. You are creating a point of reference for your new life and seeing that your romantic life is not over with sobriety.

If this makes your feel good about yourself and happy, why worry about it?
Just try to listen to at least half the meeting next time! LOL!!!
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Old 12-29-2013, 01:32 PM
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You are not weird Jakec … you are young and it is natural to be a little focused.

Life gets a little easier with age. I am not sure whether we get more disciplined or indolent, probably little of booth.

You should not be putting yourself down.

Great that you are staying sober.
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Old 12-29-2013, 01:46 PM
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There are two extremes going on in your mind in relation to this issue.

It's what we do not what we think that impacts us most in "real" life, outside our head.

It sounds like you want affection and intimacy but your self esteem has taken a battering and you fear no one will want you.

Be kind to yourself - in time things can get better if you work it.

Hang in there
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jakec (12-31-2013)
Old 12-29-2013, 01:53 PM
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I spent my twenties crushing on people - obsessing even - and then beating myself up for being ridiculous.

I think it best to focus on your recovery for now Jake - learn who you are first - then you can think about the other parts of your life

D
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jakec (12-31-2013)
Old 12-29-2013, 02:05 PM
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I am like that with anyone who is nice to me x
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Old 12-29-2013, 02:11 PM
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Perfectly natural to fantasize about people and things that represent a desire to live a happy life.

I'm sure many of us would be surprised to know some of the fantasies that people are indulging at AA meetings.

Whatever keeps you in the rooms...
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