GracieLou

This!

I have found when I feel like crying the one thing that make is all better is to cry.

I too hate, hate, HATE crying. When I felt emotional pain I went straight to anger. Anger was my friend. I have found that crying releases whatever emotional issue I am having and keeps me from getting angry. Which, today, is a good thing. Anger caused me to lash out without thinking and hurting those around me.

KateL

I cry sometimes still. There is nothing wrong with it it just means you are feeling which is good because you will laugh as well xxxx

IOAA2

I read recently that feelings are not FACTS.

I know that might be easy to understand as we are easily governed by our feelings from an early age.

With that I am reminded that feelings and emotions are the hooks that had us want to escape with alcohol and drugs. With this in mind long term sobriety is achieved when feelings are handled in a sane manner.

BE WELL

MemphisBlues

LB, you're going to go through a lot of unpleasantness now, and for me, acceptance that I was a wreck, was going to be a wreck for a while, and that I probably would be able to measure improvement in not hours or days but probably weeks (and for me it was actually measured in months) I just had to surrender to what was ahead and that helped me get to a place in my mind where I grasped the true meaning of what we are doing: Recovery.

Recovery had stages for me. The complete sick phase (which at just a few days out, you are probably in), followed by the exhausted phase, and then a period of psyche-and-soul pain running the entire spectrum of emotions.

I do hope you significant other fully understands what you are going through, has read the literature, maybe accompanied you to a doctor's visit for your pump.

You need all the support you can get right now, but you also have to place your mind in a place of peace and realize your brain and body are going to go through some crappy things in the days to come.

But you're doing great. You're on top of this, getting perhaps the best care there is for benzo detox, and, I do not say this lightly, you are walking, talking, posting here...heck, I couldn't boot my computer for a month.

Try to find that recovery mode of dealing with this, appreciating that you are sick, you will get better, and for right now it just sucks, but that's what is to be expected.

LegallyBrunette

I do get this. I am receiving what should be the standard of care for benzo withdrawals. So far I've only had what to me sound severe but I know, from other "benzo buddies" if you will, this is very very mild.

SO has been very involved in the process since I asked for help. He has talked with my doctor, was there for the whole first day when I was @ the hospital and is trying so hard to support me. He took his vacation time as well and is staying home w/ me all of next week.

BUT he is sort of like a policeman. He not did anyone know the extent of what was happening and once he found out it is like overkill. He removed the entire wine collection from our home, searched my car and closet for pills and became very accusatory upon discovering some Benadryl (I have serious food allergies so they're just part of my kit w/ my epipen) and is treating me as if I am an invalid. I am not handling this well. I mean my god I am ambulatory I do not need to be carried w/in the house if I am able to walk, I do not need him to watch me like I am a toddler, etc.

And since I am being treated as a toddler I just especially unhappy to cry for fear it will reenforce that I am an incapable little child.

MemphisBlues

Yeah, I get it. No one rally appreciates how we got to where we are, or that we had professional medical personnel implicit in our demise, and when you add alcohol to the equation, we are treated like the wounded with self-inflicted injuries.

Welcome to to the world of the addicted and alcoholic.

In a few days or weeks, when you got your feet shakily underneath you, I really hope you consider hitting an AA meeting. We get to a place in recovery where we need to be around those who have walked or stumbled in the same footsteps.

MemphisBlues

I must add, though, that the flumanzenil treatment is really exciting ground. I have high hopes you will avoid the protracted nature of this beast.

Kuddos for you finding this treatment. Please keep us posted as you trudge along the recovery road.

JackieC

I've been told my whole life that I'm "too sensitive" so I used to try hiding my crying. This was exacerbated by being in a family of people and marrying a person who ignored me when I cried, which made me feel even more foolish for crying. So now that I'm out of that marriage and I can see that my sensitive nature is a gift and not a flaw, I can finally weep and not be ashamed of it. My kids are so cute about it because they know -- if a commercial comes on that is touching, they say "Get the kleenex for mom."

I feel things deeply. It's part of who I am. Crying heals me. I can say all that now -- but it took 42 years to get here.

What you may want to do is watch a movie that makes you cry. Happy crying, like "Love Actually" or something like that. Or "We Bought A Zoo" -- that is such joyous crying. Then you have a proper "excuse" and you still get to get all those tears out.

Most of all, give yourself a break. You are doing so well.

Jackie

ClearMind

I find it took a few weeks before my emotions settled down. It only gets better.

somehope

I've been an emotional wreck all day. I'm not so scared about having emotions, but that once I start feeling them I can't stop them for ages. I've been crying and self loathing all day and just wanting to scream. The problem is as addicts we don't know how to deal with emotions and problems without using to mask how we're feeling.

When I got sober the first time, I left rehab thinking I was cured and life would magically be better. I had been so wrapped up in getting sober that I forgot all my problems were still there plus all the ones my drinking caused. It doesn't help that our brains and bodies are out of whack from getting sober. Detoxing, kindling, and withdrawal IS HELL.

I have no ability to cope. Something goes wrong and I drink and then I'm right back where I started. It does get better, I've experienced it getting better, but in the beginning the days are long and hard. Stick with it. You're obviously strong because you've made it this far.