foehamr

I am 50 years old and have been addicted to aderrall for the past several years. It all started as a prescription to help me through a bought of severe depression that I had gotten into. Little did I realize the toll it would take on my life. I am at a point where I severely abuse the prescription I get each month. In fact, I have taken nearly an entire months worth in just over 12 days. Because of my out of control behavior, I find my stomach churning and my mind racing about what I am going to do until I get my next refill. I am not one to buy them on the street and wouldn't even know how or where I would go. I do look at that as a blessing and as a barrier that I won't cross. But, I am scared and I don't know what I am going to do to maintain the level of being up that is required of me on a daily basis.

As I said, Aderrall has cost me very dearly since I began taking it. Not only has it stripped me of my freedom as I am a slave to the pill, but I have lost my wife and daughter, a job and any confidence I previously had for myself. Furthermore, the thought of giving it up absolutely eats away at my mind and emotions leaving me feeling that it is only a false hope that I can ever be free. I come from a very strong medication resistant depression history so the thought of quoting scares me beyond belief. I have recently pulled out of most of the depression and I just can't see myself going back into that world again. But, oh how I wish I had never ever heard Aderrall. I constantly think about what my life could have been had I never taken that first pill.

I am sorry, as I don't mean to be such a whiner. But, this is really the first time I have ever opened up and shared my problem with anyone and I feel so isolated and alone. About the only thing I have in the way of a significant other are my dogs who do their best to comfort me. If anybody reads this, I really appreciate it. Just knowing that people are listening is a comfort.

I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I know that He does not like to see me enslaved to Aderrall. However, I also believe He works all things together for good to those who love Him. I just want another chance at life. I want to feel the freedom that I used to before the depression and Aderrall took center stage in my life. I am tired. I am so very tired. All I want is to return to the human being I once was and live a normal life. Hopefully, that is a possibility. I believe it can be, but I am not sure if it will be.

Well, thanks for listening
Sincerely, Mike

Dee74

Welcome Mike
You'll find a lot of support and help here

I have no experience with adderal myself but I know others will. Is talking with your Dr an option at all?

D

LiaAc

It totally is a possibility. In fact, it's a probability here. You're not whining and you are certainly not alone! Welcome to SR!

Mizzuno

Hello. I believe that you can get yourself back. Have you thought about setting an appointment with your physician and speaking to him/her about coming off the medication? This may help you out greatly.

RustyLugnut

A guy in detox with me was there for a pill addiction (sry forget which kind). Started the same way with him, started taking the pills as a prescription, and just ended up out of control.

As LiaAc said, you're not whining. In fact it sounds like your being honest with yourself, which is a great thing.

If you are experiencing any significant withdrawal symptoms I'd certainly recommend considering detox (my experience in detox was very positive). And certainly follow up with a therapist or something like AA or NA. There are lots of treatment choices for you, but having support is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself. And definitely post here anytime you want or need to. I myself worry I don't always give the best advice, but at the very least being able to offer some words of support and encouragement definitely makes me feel better about myself.

There's also a chat room which you should check out. The also hold a 1 hour chat meeting every Tuesday and Friday at 9pm EST.

I'm so sorry to hear about the wife and daughter. That just sucks I hope you will come back soon and let us know how things are going. Remember, it's likely that everyone here has had some kind of substance abuse problem so I can assure you you'll always have our support.

foehamr

Thanks to those who responded to my first post. Your notes were very welcomed and very encouraging to me. It does feel somewhat of a relief to be able to be transparent without the risk of rejection or feeling so much like a failure.

I have thought considerably about discussing my problem with the physician who prescribes the Adderall. Unfortunately, it is a double-edged sword. My mind knows that I have a serious problem, however, I am afraid of how I will be function without the drug. My mind says, "if you tell your doctor about your abusing the medication she will stop giving it to you and you will fail without it." I wonder if I will fall back into a debilitating depression, which is why the Adderall was prescribed to begin with. The thought of quitting absolutely throws me into a major panic. I'm afraid of losing my job, losing my home, failing God and losing what family I have left.

I just don't know what to do right now. I am so scared. My stomach won't stop churning my mind is racing and I feel totally out of control. I just can't stand living like this. Please pray for me. I just don't know what to do.

Hawkeye13

Why don't you go to a different doctor and don't list your first one?

You can at least get some professional advice. This would be more helpful than
worrying about it or just trying to do it on your own.

Welcome to SR by the way. . .

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!! I totally understand the double-edged sword about going to your dr. However, I do think it would benefit you.

I've been on various anti-d's over the years, mostly for PTSD stuff, but depression is NOT a good thing for me. I also abused alcohol, quit it; abused the heck out of opiates, quit them but lost my nursing career. Had almost 6 months clean when I met someone who introduced me to crack. Finally hit bottom.

Hadn't been to a dr. in years, can't remember why I finally went to one, but I went to a guy my stepsister recommended. I was really blessed. Before I told him anything about why I was there, I gave him a short synopsis of my abuses and addiction. I also told him there are rare times when I have a legit need for pain (previous ruptured disc in my back) and we made an agreement of how to treat it.

He's since left the practice, but his replacement is also awesome. I am very resistant to sleep meds, and part of my PTSD is I just don't sleep. I'm actually on a med I used to abuse, but have no desire to do so.

I have had a horrific past 2 months, went to my dr. in tears and told her "this anti-d is NOT working, I'm NOT sleeping and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind". She changed me to other meds, and I feel much better.

I can't tell you how much it means to have a dr. who knows me, warts and all, and still wants to help me AND not give me whatever I want.

Just think about it. You deserve to live life without debilitating depression, but also without eating adderall like you are. I'm sure you will find a lot of support here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy