It's getting better all the time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
It's getting better all the time.
Ah, what a beautiful saturday afternoon! It's sunny and the snow is mostly melted!(I only like to have snow for christmas, once christmas is over I just want it to melt lol)
I was just thinking about how I feel today, compared to how I felt on day 1, while I was curled up into a ball on a metal cot, crying, freezing, in the erie county holding center. I didn't want to go on. I wanted to die. I was nothing but a hollow shell of a person - a walking ghost. I had no hope. I thought death was the only way out.
I know today that a power greater than my self kept me from taking my own life that day. And I am forever grateful.
Today I have 41 days clean and sober. I still have thoughts about getting high every day, and have using dreams every night, but I am no longer obsessing over and putting all of my energy into getting "one more". I know today that I have a choice, and as long as I continue to make the next right decision, one day at a time, I'll be okay. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin - I don't particularly love myself(yet) - but I can honestly say that I can look in the mirror today and not despise the person looking back at me. I do have bad moments when depression or anxiety creeps up, but they're just feelings and I know that they pass and everything will work itself out if I just don't pick up.
If you're reading this and you're on day 1 or day 2 or you're just feeling down or hopeless. Just hang on. This too shall pass. I know how hard it is.
It's not always going great, but it's always getting better.
Jake.
I was just thinking about how I feel today, compared to how I felt on day 1, while I was curled up into a ball on a metal cot, crying, freezing, in the erie county holding center. I didn't want to go on. I wanted to die. I was nothing but a hollow shell of a person - a walking ghost. I had no hope. I thought death was the only way out.
I know today that a power greater than my self kept me from taking my own life that day. And I am forever grateful.
Today I have 41 days clean and sober. I still have thoughts about getting high every day, and have using dreams every night, but I am no longer obsessing over and putting all of my energy into getting "one more". I know today that I have a choice, and as long as I continue to make the next right decision, one day at a time, I'll be okay. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin - I don't particularly love myself(yet) - but I can honestly say that I can look in the mirror today and not despise the person looking back at me. I do have bad moments when depression or anxiety creeps up, but they're just feelings and I know that they pass and everything will work itself out if I just don't pick up.
If you're reading this and you're on day 1 or day 2 or you're just feeling down or hopeless. Just hang on. This too shall pass. I know how hard it is.
It's not always going great, but it's always getting better.
Jake.
This is great news Jake
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by jmd003 
Thank you! And congrats! Being on day 2, your post is a huge inspiration for me.
If you'd ever like to chat, feel free to PM me!
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