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Old 12-28-2013, 10:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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How to pick rehab?


Hi,
Our daughter is using drugs, it started with pot and has now moved to adderall and ecstasy. We have no idea how serious it is, can I really believe her if she tells me its "casual use", as if that is acceptable? We passed the point of casual in my opinion. Last year she went to a local counselor and I think it helped for a while but obviously wasn't a long term solution.

So, how do you find a treatment facility that will help her and we can be sure she's safe? We live in the NYC Metro area and hear good things about Four Winds. Looking on the internet I see St. Jude Retreats, 12-step, non-12-step, etc. I don't have a clue where to start.

We need to get our daughter somewhere, away from bad habits and "friends" so she can have some time to focus on herself with some professional help. She's 22 and think she knows she's going down the wrong path but needs some guidance we aren't providing. Thanks.
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Old 12-28-2013, 10:35 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi I understand your concerns however getting sober/straight the individual needs to have a strong desire to do so for themselves. Usually no amount of pushing, yelling etc will be a motivator for the long haul. I strongly suggest Al Anon for the family and friends and families on this site. The best you can do is show your love and concern along with support.

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Old 12-28-2013, 11:16 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hey itsme4help, welcome to the Forum!!

Yeah we've got a great section for family members!! - Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 12-28-2013, 11:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice, much of the addicts problem is enablers and well meaning friends and family. I'm not going into this as a novice and, like many here, have been dealing with addictions for a lifetime. If tough-love, coddling, whatever, worked for everyone we wouldn't have addition problems and just apply the recipe for success.

There is no yelling, pushing, whatever in this case, I agree it is a waste of time. We've presented her with a few choices, and the consequences, ball's in her court. I'm prepared to do everything from helping her get treatment to asking her to leave the home with no support. Thus far, she's thinking a good choice would be rehab, we agree, and want to get moving on this before she "re-evaluates". She's admitted to a problem, asked for help, I can't just say we're helping by going to Al-anon; that isn't helping her and I've been through the program in the past.

I have no problem letting her do the leg work finding a place. She's asked for help, so, we're helping without making it our problem. I'd like to have a short list for her, some feedback on what works and what doesn't, knowing that if the person doesn't want help, no program is going to fix what's broken.
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Old 12-28-2013, 11:32 AM   #5 (permalink)
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When I was trying to decide where to go- I googled like crazy to find reviews and pictures etc. I also wasn't sure if I wanted an AA vs non-AA program.

If you are a religious family and that's how your daughter was raised, an AA based program may be a good fit. (*Disclaimer- NOT implying that AA is a religious based program or wouldn't work if she's not "religious" folks- read on!)

If like me at 22- she's never stepped foot inside a church and doesn't believe in "God"- some of the language in AA may be a turn off, and she might more readily absorb a program that's not spiritually based. At 22, I would've written it off completely. I didn't have the skills/patience/self-awareness to "take what I like and leave the rest". BUT, that's just me.

At the end of the day, whatever the program is- it needs to resonate with her so she is able to absorb it and apply it to her life- otherwise it'll just be a matter of "toughing it out" for her parents, until she can get out and potentially use again. No point in that IMO.
Hope this related to your question and was helpful in some way. TY
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Old 12-28-2013, 11:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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There are several reputable rehabs in the metropolitan area. Among the best is The Addiction Institute of New York.

The Addiction Institute of NY
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Old 12-28-2013, 01:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I hope your daughter finds a rehab center that works for her.
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Old 12-29-2013, 09:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Like most addicts, my daughter doesn't think ("admit to") she has a problem. Quite honestly, my wife and I aren't kidding ourselves that rehab is going to be effective; I give it a 50% chance at best. But, we've tried everything else we could think of so now its out of the house or rehab for her. I guess, as they say, we're trying to bring the bottom to her rather than letting her hit bottom.

We're not a religious family. I'm not adverse to having her in a faith based program and not sure how much of a role religion plays in rehab. Religion isn't a factor, good or bad, in the selection.

I'll checkout the Addition Institute and also found Four Winds which seems to get favorable reviews. NYC is too close. Anyone have experience with St. Jude's Retreat, it seems to be unique? We compiled our short list; today we're expecting her to come up with something. Not sure how fast we can get moving on this but I'm hoping to contact a place today and get her in next week.

Regards-Michael G.
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Old 12-29-2013, 09:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I think your daughter has a much better chance at rehab, if she decides she has a problem, she researches the options, and she makes a decision to go. I hope that you find some peace in your life.
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Old 12-29-2013, 10:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You might take a look at Hazelden.
I'm currently in the intensive outpatient program in Chicago. They have a couple locations in NYC. Inpatient and outpatient services depending on needs. Another alternative worth evaluating.

I'm 4 weeks in to a 6 week program. If I had the flexibility I would prefer an inpatient program but work and family made this route problematic for me. Regardless - the structure of any program is very helpful in recovery. I've found it difficult for me to recover without the structure.

Agree 100% the Alanon and family programs will be a big benefit to you as parents. Addiction is a family disease. Your daughter is fortunate to have you in her life to help her figure this out and support her. Best wishes for you and your daughter.
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