I hear you.
There is no material difference between what I have done drunk and what people in prison, the hospital or the graveyard did drunk. Yet, here I sit, comfortable and prosperous.
I can't make sense of it, and sometimes it is overwhelming.
The only way I can make it right in my head is to conclude that I owe
. I am in debt to the universe, the Godhead, fate, whatever you want to call it. I got some free passes, some credits, I did not deserve and have not earned, and I need to pay them back.
Part of the payback plan is to stay sober. That much I know. I am still working on the rest. Right now I don't know how I'll know when the debt is paid, but I think I'll just know.