Django

I really don't know what to say or do or I don't know.The plan was to leave it alone and just stay in.But Nooooooooo dick head here thought "yeah good idea ,have a drink"Well I don't know how many but I will estimate about 10 pints,2 double jd and cokes and 1 that is open and I am currently drinking and 1 full one I got left.

I haven't got a problem my AV is telling me now.I the this anti ain't ******* laughing but my AV is.

PurpleKnight

Django, tomorrow is a new day!! start afresh, go again!!

Cathryn2001

Ugghh, that AV is a sinister fellow--he can plot/plan/laugh away tonight, but you'll get him tomorrow.

PurpleKnight

Yeap, tomorrow you'll have him!!

Django

I spose the good bit is I had 2 bottles,one which was open and I had 1 sip out of,and the other was a new one.i chucked both of them down the toilet.sorry everyone :-( I don't know if I have effecting anyone in the way of helping them (I probably haven't) but Anyway I ****** up.2014 is still my ******* year (I say that crying).

Mizzuno

This is good. You have gotten rid of the alcohol. Try again in the morning. There is no time like the morning to make a good honest go of this.

PurpleKnight

Nonsense . . . there is no need for any sorrys, you haven't affected anyone's sobriety and you know what? . . . 2014 ISN'T your year!!

2013 is your year, there are 2 days left and that's what your going to do, tomorrow morning will be a new start, Day 1, and SR is here for you every step of the way!!

Cathryn2001

Good for you, D! Please don't beat yourself up over this--many of us have stumbled, and we are here to support each other. I have no doubt that 2014 will be your year. Get a good night's sleep. Be kind to yourself in the morning. Tomorrow is a brand new, fresh, fabulous day!

SlickRick07

Didn't make it through the weekend. A few things got in the way. Didn't have a proper plan. There is never any excuse, so I hold myself accountible. I had made it a month and half. At least tomorrow is another day 1.

PurpleKnight

Hey SlickRick, tomorrow means you can wipe the slate clean, Day 1 and a future ahead of you, you can do it!!

SlickRick07

Thanks , you are right. I hate starting over, but its better than the alternative.

soberclover

It took me awhile to realize that the best thing for me in early sobriety was to keep my butt glued to my couch when I got the craving to drink. My home became my sanctuary; if I was home, I knew I would not drink. I didn't have an exciting night by any means tonight but I knew this was best for me given the mood I'm in. If I had gone out, I'm pretty sure I would have drank. I've learned that much about myself. Glad people are here posting although had been drinking....we can relate to where you are.

fearNloathing

Thanks for the words of support Cathryn2001 they mean alot to me right now.

You would think 17 months clean would make it easier, but last holiday season I had an awesome partner who was by my side, they made sure I was away from all temptation, plus I was so happy to finally be off all my Rx meds, that was better than quitting dope, IMO, and this year it seems like I walked into the thick of all temptation with boredom, stress, frustration, no more amazing support from my Ex, a crazy manic episode that started about 2-3 wks ago, and missing my old life all rolled into one ball of madness. It’s worse because these people are not wanting me to use they want my old hook ups, so I’m like well I won’t be using just helping friends out, but I have no idea where that one call will lead me with how I’m feeling. I know using one time won’t lead me back down that road of drug addiction but it will lead me back to the life that I am missing very much right now, a life I was addicted to. I was that wild party child everyone loved, with my pocket of pills and lil bags of this and that, I handed out blunts and joints like they were lollipops this time of year, and that has all been replaced with this nice normal boring life. I miss that party life more than I miss doing the drugs.
I know I sound like I whiny c-nt, but these emotions are pure torture right now.

Django

I appreciate that but no 2013 can do one.2014 I'm sober and that's it.

Cathryn2001

This sounds like a the perfect storm, but with a different ending--you're gonna make it out alive! It's good that you've identified all of your feelings (and the reasons behind them). It's also good that you realize that by aiding your friends, you would likely jump back on that path back to your old life. Maybe now, it's time to figure out some things that you could do to make your current life a little less mundane? What are your interests/passions? Since you and your partner broke up, have you connected with anyone else? How about friends--anyone "safe" to get out and do things with?

You're not one bit whiny. You're human, and sometimes, we feel trampled by our emotions. Remember, though (I've gotta tell myself this one constantly)--emotions are temporary. You WILL get through this, hopefully, with a plan you can feel good about.

P.S. Congratulations on your 17 months--that's AMAZING!

Weasel1966

Hey folks! Went to bed early and now up and cannot sleep.

I see some had a slip up. Very glad that you posted and are here. Django and slick... Day 1 is ok. Means you stopped and did not roll it into the next day. So go easy. Getting past the guilt and shame part was very tough for me but once there... Well... Things change a bit. Not really easier just different in a more manageable kind of way.

And I am not a day counter but I always figured everyday is day 1. That's all I have. So let's spend day 1 together!

--------------

Just a note to everyone

Certainly this is a great thread to find support and should be. But just letting you know if things get a bit rough consider starting a thread on the main board. We don't want any needs to go unmet.

-----------

Ok... Now to try and get back to sleep.

See you in the morning.

neferkamichael

I gladly stay sober with my SR family this weekend. Rooting for everyone.

fearNloathing

Thanks a million for the support, it means allot. I don’t have anyone in my life right now who I can turn to about how I feel, the few good friends I do have are all still living that life, so I’m on my own other than my therapist who I see every 4-6 weeks, but have not seen since this manic episode started. I will see him early in the New Year but all his talking is not going to change how I feel right now. I don’t do meetings as they tend to make me want to use; they depress me, and dating is not healthy for me or the other person involved. I look at where I am in life and think it would be wrong of me to bring anyone of meaning into my life. I don’t want anyone to be my rock, other than myself, I depended too much on my ex’s support and now that they are not there I’m using that as an excuse for how I feel. It’s crazy I know but I don’t really want to use, I can go in the kitchen right now and have my pick of any of my Dad’s pain meds, or xanax but that is not what I want, I want the fun of the bars, parties and clubs that came along with the drugs, to me that part was more addictive than the drugs. And during this time of year it seems that’s all anybody I know is doing. My Ex was a homebody even though they worked in a bar; how we meet, they never drank or used and was not much for going out, but they understood my bio-polar disorder and my compulsive reckless nature and helped me work through allot of things, and I helped them with their anxiety disorder, yeah we both have our issues why we clicked so well. They are the one thing I miss more right now than anything in the world, I want to just lay my head on their chest and have them kiss my head and tell me all these feeling will all be gone when I wake up. I never thought I would miss him so much.
But I know that’s not going to happen, I just need to pull up my big girl panties and suck it up, I know the temptation will pass.
Thanks for letting me vent and being so understanding. I am feeling allot better and it did not cost me $50 my therapist gets.

Gilmer

FearNLoathing,

I'm sorry you're suffering so. It will get easier once the holidays are over.

Throw yourself into January activities.

mecanix

Morning everyone ,

So a few slips going on eh ? drove that sober bike into a pothole ? well you got the choice to get up and cary on the sober road or lay flat on your back on the highway . I've done both .. we're all present and accountable so let's all get back on and see where we go this time ..
Try and watch out for those potholes … Remember the acronym H.A.L.T Hungry? angry ? lonely ? tired ? some of the wise people of SR say it for a reason .. i'd also add bored but boredom is something you need to learn to deal with just like everything else in life .. up's down's, none of it is going anywhere just festering whilst we drink or drug to ignore reality .
I have no arguments i have no bargaining with alcohol , life can be as rubbish as it likes ,

Let's all get back to it , *ring ring* the fist is a bell of mindfulness calling to you , you are alive you have choice right now , the second is the liberty bell i'm ringing out for you , freedom is yours if you want it , now .

Bestwishes, m